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Purpose

BUT I NEVER ASKED YOU TO BE PERFECT – I JUST ASKED YOU TO BE YOU

{A love letter and reminder to the me who once thought that the answer was to do everything, perfectly, always}

It was late at night –
As is often the case –
And the tasks I knew I must do were weighing heavily on me.

The resistance was strong on this day, stronger than perhaps ever, but for the first time in a long while I found myself getting curious about what the resistance was there to tell me.

See normally I would run and hide, in fact I was an expert at it!

Binge eating, for years.
Replaced by being busy, productive, getting shit DONE.
A very socially acceptable way to avoid doing the real work.
Or facing into truth.

But on this particular night it seemed that it was time to look within, ask the hard questions, accept and also ACT on the answers.

And don’t you just find that accepting answers is one thing but ACTING on them, whew boy –

That’s another thing entirely, isn’t it?! It feels SO DAMN HARD, even though as SOON as you leap, the very SECOND, you wonder what in the actual fuck it was you THOUGHT you were thinking, by not following truth.

So there I was.
Stood in my kitchen.
The laptop set to the side, the knowledge that I really HAD to sit down and ‘do the work’ draining my very soul, and all I could think, in DESPAIR, was –

“BUT I DON’T WANT TO!”

And I found myself –
Slumped over –
Head in my hands –
Trying to figure out WHAT then, I should do.

I didn’t want to go to bed, I was SO tired of going to bed feeling as though I hadn’t shown up for my LIFE.

But I didn’t want to do the work, that’s for sure! I was SO exhausted from CONTINUALLY HAVING TO DO ALL THE THINGS, to stay ahead, to get on top, to PROVE myself.

As I stood there, slumped forward, gazing at my own reflection in the mirrored panel of the wall behind the bench, a whisper came to me, from God:

“Sit”.

I raged – !

“SIT?! I can’t SIT! What am I going to SIT for? I CAN’T sit; I won’t even be ABLE to sit!”

The whisper came back, a little more insistent:

“SIT”

“Fine”, said I –

“I’ll sit. But only for a MOMENT, what on earth is SITTING going to do?!”

The whisper breezed through me once more, and clearly God has attitude – !

“You’ll sit for as long as it takes”

I felt the fight go out of me – a LITTLE!

I poured some wine.
I went into the lounge.
I took my blanket over me.
I sat.

I leaned back.

And I thought about how TIRING the whole thing was. How much there was ahead of me. Scary things which I knew were coming up in my life, and I didn’t know how to handle them, even though I know, I know – everything happens FOR me, not to me.

I stared up at the ceiling, seeking I suppose some divine inspiration, and almost immediately, a scripture came to me:

“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me”.

I knew it was true.
I’ve always known it.
But I suppose –
It WOULD require me to ask.
And to trust.

And I find … I have found … it’s a hard thing for me to do, you know? To ask. To trust. I wonder if you find so too?

I heard it once again –

“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me”

Take what you will from it, but what I took was this:

“Okay then God – what should I do?”

And clear as clear can be, as is always the way, when I listen within, to God, to my Self, to the message, to truth:

“Delete it all.
All that you’re holding on to.
Every single list.
And should.
And must.
Wipe the slate clean”

I thought about how freeing it would feel, if there was nothing I had to do, no lists and lists and lists and daily MUSTS hanging over me –

And I knew, I’d already known, since for EVER, but in that moment I knew it once more:

Of course.
I would be fine.
Of COURSE.
I would find my way.
Of course.
I ALWAYS know what the aligned action to take is, and in fact EVERY thing that has gotten me to where I am has come from inspired action and flow, from intuition and gut, from God and truth.

Not from a fucking list.

But yet I found myself, still, FIGHTING. There was SO much that had to be done. Important things, and people, too, to get back to! What if I FORGOT something that MATTERED! What would people think? What would HAPPEN if I didn’t do ALL THE THINGS, perfectly, always?!

And a million thoughts started to race through my mind –

About how I just wanted to be taken CARE of, and how angry I felt that I’d attracted in relationship after relationship where I WASN’T.

Followed instantly by the bucket of cold water truth that if I wanted to be taken CARE of, I should try taking care of my SELF.

We always rail against not receiving from others –
What we refuse to give ourselves.

The next thought raced in just as quickly, and almost cruelly:

Well Kat –

If you were taking CARE of your SELF, you wouldn’t be giving your LIFE for all of these things –
These SHOULDS –
These promises, to everyone and every THING, but YOU.

You’d be acting from flow.
Creating each moment IN that moment.
Present.
And in attendance.
With your life.

Nothing you ever had to do …
Yet always aligned action to take.

I felt my eyes close with the heaviness and the truth of it all, I felt like I should get up and write all of this down, but yet the voice was clear:

“No.
Not yet.
You SIT.”

And so, I sat.
And the thoughts kept coming.

About how long it had been now, how many years and perhaps even decades, I’d been promising myself that I’d get to do what I really wanted. That I’d live for what MATTERED. That I would TRUST in myself, in God, in truths which I KNEW, in my heart of hearts to BE true.

And how for just as many years –
I’d continued to delay –
To put off –
To have ‘just a few more things that needed doing first’.

And how very very possible it was –
That if I didn’t change something NOW –
My entire life would be played this way.

In case you’re wondering –
By this time I had accepted that yes. Perhaps it WAS a good idea to sit!

And I tuned in –
To how I very could have easily, once more, spent the next 4 or 5 hours, getting shit DONE, so that tomorrow – tomorrow, I promise! – I’d finally have my slate clear so I could do what MATTERED.

Once more, that knock on the door of my soul reminding me: you’re not taking CARE of you. Taking care of YOU is not responding, reacting, doing what everybody else expects, keeping up.

“But I HAVE to get it DONE!” my fearful mind shrieked. “There is SO much to do! And BESIDES, there are people, SMART and SUCCESSFUL people, who I know for SURE who follow a structure, a process, a schedule, and so I MUST TOO!”

(Even as I knew –
Of course –
I really just CAN’T. Never could. Never will. But still, yet, I RAILED!)

And then –

In one simple sentence –

The fight fully left my body.

And I felt the tears rise, as I heard God say, the thing which finally broke me –

Got through to me –

And I share because perhaps it will also, to you:

“But I never asked you to be perfect.
I asked you to be you”

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Rebel.
Upstart.
Fuck the system; screw the rules.
Won’t do what they told me.
Too much.
Unreasonable.
Ridiculous.
Unprofessional.
Crazy!

Should I go on? I could, but I think you get the picture.

You’re the one who is not only not like the other PEOPLE, you’re also not like the other entrepreneurs.

They, they actually think they’re different; non-conformists?! Don’t make me laugh. You and I both see it as it is:

They just wanna be told how to build a pretty little website and a pretty little social media page or three and a pretty little online product or course and get their pretty little headshots and do a pretty little pre-scripted dance all over the internet so that other equally pretty fucking bland and boring and same same-y peoples pay them money,

And they can all sit in a pretty little womans circle together patting each other linking elbows and stroking each others hair and singing Kumbaya as the sun sets over another day of sinking ever deeper into the unremarkableness that is their lives.

They are the ones who are not only willing to jump through hoops, they also want to build more hoops for other people; they want to perpetuate the hoop jumping life and their whole sales pitch is basically some version of “I will help you to have a better and shinier hoop, come see!”

lolol

BUT REALLY.

Meanwhile, you –

You’ve tried the hoop-jumping life, maybe more than what you care to admit. And, whilst you’ve nothing against sitting around with other ladeez and stroking each others hair, you and your girls; the real ones?

You don’t exactly fit in in the typical woman’s circle.

You don’t feel at home with the pretty-preneurs, not even on the internet let alone in real life.

You don’t actually GIVE a fuck about having all your shit perfect,

Polished,

And just so –

And the idea of having sales and marketing and content processes which you have to systematically pre-plan and then work through and endlessly join dots with?

Makes you want to hurl.

Sure –

You’ve bought in at times to do the idea that maybe you DO gotta do it as they say.

An automated webinar, perhaps?? Facebook ads which carefully and smartly tell the world who you are and how you can help? A sales plan proven and tested by the greats. The gradual sinking slow decline of your soul, your joy, your dreams, and even your pussy as everything within you that once knew she could HAVE IT ALL AND DO LIFE HER WAY SLOWLY DRIES,

WITHERS TO NOTHING,

AND DIES?

Sure –

Why not

And look.

It’s not that any of these things are bad or wrong. Maybe right now you’ve got to a certain point by playing by the rules … kind of. Following what ‘logic’ suggests you do. Breaking free here and there with wild little jaunts into over the top madness, noticing how THAT lights you up and also how people respond to it … but ultimately continuing to go back to trying to find the right fucking system to get you to where you want to go,

Because this thing of trying to just be you interspersed with trying to get it all right and make it work, well –

It’s God damn tiring –

But also, in the end, if we’re going to be black and white about it, it hasn’t got you to where you want to be!!

You KNOW you should be making SO much more money.

NOW.

With consistency, and yeah, while of course of COURSE you’re down for doing the work, you also feel like it SHOULD be a lot easier, more flow

And you know that you know that you know that you’ve still not let out the most unrestrained and fully expressed side of you!

– The you they can’t look away from
– The you they are MAGNETIZED by
– The you who automatically commands a huge freakin’ following, and sales to match it

You know who I’m talking about –

THE MILLIONAIRE REBEL YOU!

Starting January 18th!

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

The revolutionary fucking leader who tears SHREDS off of normal every damn day before the rest of the world has barely sipped its coffee!

Who is FULLY unleashed in what she says, how she shows up, how she does business, how she does life.

Who does not give a fuck about following rules! Or sales systems! Or strategies! Who can and will do what works for HER, and if it happens to resemble other ways people build an audience and make a fuckload of money online, cool, and if not, so what! That is not the point! The point is –

She knows what works for her.
She backs herself unapologetically.
She DOES it.

And she gets the damn results. The BIG results. The CONSISTENT results. The FUCK yes results, not just with money but with the VIBERY of it all.

Imagine …

Waking up every day and KNOWING you have crushed the day before it already begun because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ROLL!

* Your shit sells (at any and all price point)
* Your creativity and inner ideas machine flows endlessly (you always know what to put out into the world and that when you speak people PAUSE EVERYTHING AND LISTEN, whether it is with free content and shenaniganery or with your paid stuff)
* You don’t even have to think about low end or high end or how to take people through a value ladder or some such bullshit, the value ladder is YOU CONTINUING TO BE YOU, and the more that you DO you the more people just take themselves through whatever it is you’re offering!
* It is easy, natural, fun, and OBVIOUS how to build your automated income, funnels, the ‘cash machine’ side of your business.
* In fact the whole damn thing feels fun and easy and like you’re just being you (the full on you, the too much you, the rebel you, the fuck all of ’em THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR AND NOW I’M GONNA TELL YOU you!),
* and at the same time you have the DEEPLY grounded and certain knowledge that the way you’re doing it, hot mess and chaos vibes and all, is WORKING. PS – the reason you feel certain of this is because your bank balance and soulmate audience and their feedback reflects it, not bc your spirit guides told you it’s coming

All of this is ALREADY available to you.

It is who you are and what you were born for.

You did not come here for normal!

You are one of the truly crazy ones, who has something inside of her that will leave the world BREATHLESS –
and allow her to make millions and impact millions –

BUT NOT IF SHE CONTINUES TO DO BUSINESS AND LIFE BY TRYING TO SOMEHOW BE A NON-CONFORMIST WHO CONTINUALLY CAVES AND CONFORMS.

For this to work,

REALLY work, like next next NEXT level $ and life flow work,
you’re going to need to FULLY turn your back on the idea that your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of you adjusting, filtering, compromising, playing the game the way the other entrepreneurs are playing it, or worrying about what the fuck your social media looks like!

What you’re going to need to do is simple:

FLICK THE DAMN REBEL MILLIONAIRE SWITCH BABY.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

All in on madness.
All in on crazy.
All in on chaos.
All in on the TRUE epic awesome ridiculousness and too much-ness of YOU.

REBEL MILLIONAIRE

Starting January 18th!

For those who were born to run the damn thing,

To turn the world on its head and dance on top of it,

And who are ready to do just that.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/