GETTIN’ ANGRY, AND MAKING DEMANDS OF SOUL
Do you ever feel so damn bored with yourself and the world that you don’t even know where to begin in trying to explain it?
You think about the same samey-ness of how you feel –
What you do –
And even what it’s all for,
And the entire situation just seems DISGUSTING really. What is even the point? Make mo’ money, get more likes, grow your following here, another goal ticked off there, so what?
Success is easy once you’ve figured it out, it’s a fools game really, it doesn’t take anything much at all to be ahead of the 99% when it comes to finances, time freedom, surface based joie de vivre. Any monkey can do it, and often does.
And the truth is that sometimes (and you’d rather not admit this of course, but it’s also no good NOT admitting it), sometimes –
You’re not entirely sure you’re not just another monkey chase chase chasing a dream you couldn’t really give a fuck about it.
You sit your ass down every morning,
And you get the job done,
Facing resistance and uncertainty like the professional badass you are,
Doing what most won’t, so you can live like they can’t!
But the truth is … the truth is … the GOD DAMN TRUTH is …
It doesn’t really excite you.
It doesn’t really lift you.
You don’t feel ALIVE in the perpetual getting to the next level,
It’s more of a really really shiny pretty wheel and hamster situation than anything.
Sure, your wheel is fancier than most, fancier than it used to be, and that’s something alright! It’s definitely SOMETHING. But is it everything? Is it even remotely THE thing, the thing which your soul needs to feel alive, free, lit up, and as though it can fully BE?
No.
It is not.
And sooner or later, as you sit down for yet ANOTHER day of doing what others won’t so you can continue to create freedom like they can’t, sooner or later you find yourself wanting to just blow up the entire.fucking.thing.
Well, not really actually. But more in the sense that, for the love of God, you just need to FEEL something! Sometimes you wonder if actually you’ve created all of this and you’re still half asleep…
And then, suddenly, a flicker.
A little spark of anger.
Annoyance.
“That’s e-fucking-nough ness”
As you notice perhaps one particular area of your life where in fact you DON’T have what you want, and nothing close to it.
Diligently you’ve been claiming it.
Writing out the reality you choose and stating it.
Noticing your fears and doubts and patterns and blessing and releasing ’em.
TRUSTING that if you’re just PATIENT then this too will come to pass.
Being consistent in taking the time daily to believe, and then to take guided action.
And all of a sudden, all of a sudden, you sit up straight,
Something in you wakes from slumber, like the Dormouse in Alice in Wonderland suddenly popping its head back up with speed,
And you think to yourself:
FUCK.
THAT.
SHIT.
FUCK waiting. I’m sick of waiting patiently!
I am sick of being fucking patient!
I am sick of the endlessness of it all!
I’m sick of the mind-numbing REPETITIVENESS of this daily claiming, and thinking about being, and trusting that if I just.keep.going.then it will eventually show up!
I WANT IT ALL AND I WANT IT NOW!!
And while part of your mind berates you for being oh so Veruca Salt about the whole thing, the other part of you just knows:
THIS is when the magic fucking happens.
THIS is the kind of line in the sand moment you need.
THIS is the way it’s always happened before!
Who told you that being cautious, and careful, or even consistent but without FIRE is gonna get you what you want?
IT IS NOT!
It never has, and never will.
Not only that, but it won’t get you what you NEED, what you were BORN for, and what is ALIGNED AND DIVINED for you.
You want it all, you want it on your terms, you want it the way it was always meant to be, you want it now, then get the fuck up and go CLAIM it now!
I can remember,
a time a ways back,
years back, actually, although it seems just a day ago,
I’d been waiting MONTHS to crack the 200k per month mark.
I was so sick at *only* being at 100k months! (I know … bear with me please, for the point of the story!).
It seemed RIDICULOUS that I hadn’t yet managed to hack this baby. Obscene! Outrageous.
And so every day, I would diligently write, and claim, and decide. Every day I would ask myself what actions I’d be doing if I were already there, if I already had achieved that, was it, it was normal. Every day I would then do the work!
And then one day –
I sat down.
And I was just so OVER it, so over ALL of it, just DONE.
And I raved and I ranted and I got angry and I stopped fucking CARING, not that I thought I did care, but I stopped fucking caring ANYWAY about ANYTHING and especially even I stopped fucking caring about who I needed to BE,
in order to have those 200k months.
And in vicious angry strikes across my journal, I wrote –
“AND NOW I MAKE 200K A MONTH AND IT IS JUST DONE AND I DON’T EVEN FUCKING CARE HOW!”
Underscore underscore underscore with my Mont Blanc pen!
A month or two later,
I had my first 200k month,
that was years ago,
I’ve since had many 300k+ and 400k+ months,
and only a couple of months since that ever dipped back under 200k.
It became my new normal.
It clicked into place.
It became DONE.
But in the end, it didn’t happen because I carefully and patiently waited it out,
just trusted
diligently claimed
Maybe all of that was part of it!
And I suppose you could say it was.
But in the end I got what I fucking asked for when I actually INSISTED on getting it and COMPLETELY relinquished the how, yes even the bit of the how that says ‘you still gotta keep asking and deciding and trusting and waiting’.
Look –
sometimes you’re just not at the point yet with something that you actually have it in you to find that fire in your belly, FULLY surrender time and space and how, and with ROARING FERVOUR snap your fingers at reality and have it do your will.
But sometimes?
It’s time to get mofo angry.
To be demanding of soul.
To FUCK THE HOW, FUCK IT GOOD, FUCK IT RIGHT UP THE ASS.
When you finally figure out how to transcend the bullshit in your mind that says it is in ANY way valid for you to not yet be there,
you’ll find that there was, the whole entire blooming time, an alternate universe already available in which you were already there,
AND WHAT IF YOU JUST MADE THAT SO TODAY?
\
Leave a Reply