HELL YES AIN’T HELL YES UNLESS YOU WANNA RIP THEIR CLOTHES OFF RIGHT.THAT.SECOND

(The not-actually-secret-at-all Key to Success in All Things)

So I had this experience a week or so ago which kind of shocked me.

It felt like a bucket of cold water actually … a slap in the face, a wake up call, all those things at once!

And it reminded me what HELL yes actually means, how we DO in fact get to have that (always!) and how OBVIOUS it freakin’ is when it really comes along … also how EASY it freakin’ is to then act on / bring to life / etc. It just flows, works, gives you the result because it HAS to, you know?

I went on a Tinder date with a dude in Santa Monica on the Friday night. He was nice. Pretty engaging conversation. He seemed cool. I didn’t FEEL anything for him, not even a flicker, but ’cause he was nice and also interesting and also looked good I found myself thinking “well, maybe I AM into him and I just don’t know it yet / need to give it more time”

lol. I know. It sounds level as fuck STUPID when I say or write it out loud. But this is something we all do in multiple areas, if you think about it!

Like, say, launching or pushing on with an offer which is just not working … and you don’t absolutely ADORE … and is calling in not quite right clients … but yet you tell yourself “maybe I should just keep trying to GET it working … maybe I’m just MISSING something!” … not realising that what you’re missing is that THIS AIN’T YOUR SOUL WORK, and soul work flows!

Anyway, homeboy invited me out again the next day, which was St Patricks Day, he invited Kelly and my brother and me to come to a party at his house at noon the next day … “we’ll be drinking from 10am” … um … nope. SO not interested in spending my morning / day doing that! And so I basically ghosted on his messages (classy as fuck sometimes), but then by about 10pm and we were wrapping up dinner and he was still messaging me to come out, I thought “why not? Maybe there COULD be something there! We’ll go for an hour”

So, we get to the bar.

We walk in, he comes right up, off his HEAD, clearly … and then turns to gesture at his friends who are at the bar, who look over at us.

And this guy … his FRIEND (although I worked out later it was his ‘friend’ who he just met at the bar, not an actual friend luckily) … the second I saw him I was like FUCCCCCCKKKKKK. Why aren’t I on a date with YOU? I want to have sex with you RIGHT NOW RIGHT AT THE BAR I DON’T CARE. It was just that INSTANT magnetic attraction, you know?

I was devastated. Maybe that’s too strong of a word, haha, but seriously – I’ve been doing this dating thing for over 18 months now, and I can count on two fingers how many men I’ve met (and I’ve met a LOT) who I actually have / had an energetic connection with that you KNOW is real.

Mostly it’s … let’s be honest … let me think about how desperate for sex or male energy I am and whether or not I will allow myself to continue giving you any time and energy.

An approach which I have in fact not chosen to follow by the way  … didn’t take me long back on the market to figure out that most of the time I can have better sex by myself and spend the 3 hours of annoying chit-chat making money or something instead 

Anyway.

So we’re at the bar. We’re all talking. Everybody’s a bit tipsy. And MAGNETIC AS FUCK GUY kind of has his arm around everyone, all the time … and my body seems to just be not doing what it’s told and basically accidentally on purpose bumping into him more than what would really be natural. I’m trying to get my shit together … I’m supposed to be there to see other guy, who clearly by this point I have realised I will never see again, and thank God I never indicated any romantic possibility with him. Who by the way is MIA anyhow. Good.

Kelly, meanwhile, is laughing at me – “yeah right, you are SO not interested in him!” (original guy) and later … “um yep, that was obvious from the second we walked in”, about me and bar guy.

It was ALWAYS GOING TO HAPPEN.
Or, as I felt, the second I walked in – it HAD to happen. There was no availability for it not to.

When you REALLY know – 
You really know.
And it just BECOMES, so.

IF IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE THAT … BUSINESS, LOVE, LIFE, ANYTHING … THEN IT AIN’T HELL YES.

Which is kind of the whole entire point of my story.

So here’s what happened next:

DIVINE INTERVENTION. Which may or may not always occur in a hell yes MUST happen situation. But REALLY – of course always does. Because that’s what was MEANT to happen! It’s how you know, actually … the universe conspires to work with and for you.

Which reminds me of one of my favourite quotes of my OWN – “when I say yes to my soul – life says yes to ME!”.

And my soul damn sure knew what it wanted to say yes to that night 

So –

OF COURSE:

Original guy, who you might remember was off his head, got kicked out. Or just left. Not sure which, but he was pretty fried; we think he got removed.

AHMAYZING

A little bit of time passes, we’re all having a good time, and I’m becoming increasingly fixated by bar guy … and he’s pulled me in to dance. I can feel that the kiss is coming, it’s a given. By the way –

I can’t dance for SHIT.
But yet somehow, in this FLOW situation where everything is just magnetic … I am dancing with perfect rhythm. Or at least it feels that way  which is the same thing as far as I care.

Also.
By the way.
For EVA now I’ve been telling myself I’m ‘not good’ at being feminine and sensual.
And wondering HOWWWWW I do that.
Turns out.
When you’re magnetised as FUCK by a guy and just drawn IN to his masculine energy … you just become feminine sensual sexual flow.
No how required.
I forgot that 

And it makes me realise how FORCED things are, with pretty much EVERY SINGLE GUY I’ve connected with since being single; nearly every date I’ve been on. In fact – with 100% of PLANNED dates, as opposed to situations which just happened, i.e. app-based meet-ups vs random RL meet-ups – it’s been forced / not flow. How much I’ve TRIED to make things work … without even realising it, without even noticing … truly believing my own bullshit that maybe it could go somewhere!!

The only other two connections I’ve had since becoming single which were really SO good, one was a one off and the other continued on, both cases the SOUL and energy thing was the thing. I think that’s what makes it magnetic. And so far for me that’s only happened when I wasn’t looking.

Anyway
As for forcing myself to feel something for someone –

Crazy.

That sound you can hear right now? It’s me banging my head on the tray table in front of my airplane seat right now. Note to self! Remember this shit! Be in flow and let flow and results show UP! THAT IS ALL!

And this … this is just … like your feet aren’t even on the ground. Even just for a moment, or a night, whatever.

So the kiss is coming … it’s like we’re melting together, it’s a force, you know? Do you remember?! The last time? That happened?!

It’s only the MOST amazing feeling in the world.

BUT, there’s a problem still.

My BROTHER is there.

Inappropriate
on
all
levels!

Well.

As I said to him at the time – OVER THE SHOULDER OF THE GUY WHILE KISSING – sorry … !! I couldn’t help it!

Kelly was HORRIFIED that I would make out on the dance floor with Ash right there.
My brother was APPALLED.
Honestly?

I really don’t see why it had to be a fuss, and besides, we didn’t stay in front of them for TOO long, but it’s kinda besides the point anyhow, you know?

And the point is this:

Later the next day, I’m messaging with this guy, and just having a laugh, and talking also about manifestation and stuff (of course when I randomly pick up a Irish man in a bar on St Paddy’s day I manage to energetically find the one who is into the same stuff as me!), and I was thinking about how FULL ON the connection was, and how INSTANT, before we even met, and it hit me –

When was the last time I felt like that?

I don’t mean even in the love area. I mean in LIFE.

I felt like I’d been slapped in the face, HARD, and I was damn happy about it too.

How could I REMOTELY have been kidding myself that what I have felt in various dating situations has been worth a single ‘nother minute of my time, and yet I’ve gone on SO many NOT amazing repeat dates … trying to convince myself that maybe I just don’t really know my own mind or something.

Madness.

And I thought –

THIS is now the new standard.

If I don’t feel THAT level of passion … like I wanted to crawl into his skin … in the non-weirdest way … then why would I even THINK about it?

And I know, I know, it was an in the moment lust thing, and I may never see that guy again … he lives in Ireland anyway … will just keep talking visioning and manifestation on FB lol, but the point is that now I’ve been reminded, after the past however many few months of honestly only BLAH dating connections, that THAT energy is available?

Means I’m now no longer available for anything less.

PLUS (of course) getting to have all the other things I desire and require!!

And I guess I just wonder –

What might happen if you went ‘all in’ to THAT level, with the rest of your life? And what might happen if you reminded yourself of what TRUE hell yes felt like?

And then refused to accept anything less.

That’s all.

\