Live Your Passion


Last night I experienced a ‘hater’ thread about me which at most recent check is sitting pretty around 500 or so comments.

It’s in a sales group I’m part of which is run by a good friend of mine, and it’s about my blog post from yesterday, aptly titled “Being the Best is Not Hard, Quit Being Such a Damn Pussy!”. 

It’s probably worth mentioning that this blog post is accompanied by a fairly provocative (and deliberately chosen; I know how to push buttons haha!) image of me sitting on a chair in short shorts, legs spread, thigh high rose gold sequinned Louboutins on and basically giving the world my ‘just try me’ look.

The comments on the thread?

Range from attacking me as a person / slut / attention seeking so and so, to (mostly!) laughing at or being a straight up cunt about my writing, either how long it is or how wrong it is or whatever.

They’re pretty low level, but let’s be honest – they’re written by some pretty base level humans. So much so that it was almost a little TOO easy to go in there, saw sharpened, calmly and respectfully but still in NO uncertain terms, and respond!

I got caught up in it for 2-3 hours last night, and it just kept going back and forth. They were doing their VERY best to bring me down!! (If you’re reading this blog the day I write it you can see a bunch of the comments / screenshots on my IG stories right now).

Anyway –

I certainly didn’t have to engage. Mostly I ignore ‘hater’ comments; what’s the point? To be honest it’s very rare that this sort of thing happens to me, especially like this, which was a BIG blow up. But, it has happened before and inevitably, being the truth-speaker I am, it’ll happen again.

As I posted (only a little bit smart ass-ily!) in the thread – it’s good practice for me to respond to this stuff. I was mildly outraged and sad to find I’m not adored by the whole world, sometimes I forget that!

“I shed a full half tear”, I said.

I do like to have fun with these things 🙂

Especially when these assholes, which they were, male AND female, think they can break me, insult me enough to make me run and hide or cry or something, I dunno?

What it does, is it makes me stronger and also smarter and considering I’m already smarter than most people (and definitely them), that is QUITE fun. It would be nice if it required a little more creative challenge though 😉

Eventually I got tired of going back and forth, and I went to bed. I couldn’t sleep well, my brain was fired up, and the truth is also that despite it feeling aligned for me TO engage on this occasion, it still drained me.

A lot.

It felt aligned to answer in large part as an example to you and others of how to respond to this stuff, and move through it, and also ’cause I knew plenty of people NOT commenting would be watching and would come over to THIS here tribe … which they did! Oh, and speaking of which I did get plenty of support and gratitude on the post in the end as well!

So, why am I sharing all this? A lesson on how to deal with haters? Maybe!

My personal view on that is, for the VERY most part, ignore ’em. What you water grows, so don’t water it. As I said this was an exception.

But really what I want to write about today, is, the energetic demand of what we do, and who we choose to be.

Today I want to acknowledge the energetic drain of what we do, of showing up for your art, your message, your soul, no matter what.

Let’s get real here –

If it was only a matter of ‘invest the time, be consistent’, then anybody could do it. They would not! Obviously. But they could.

However, what we do is SO much more than that, isn’t it? It really just can’t be explained to somebody is not one of us, and even then they HAVE to experience it, live it, BREATHE it, like we do.

One of us?

One of the crazy ones. The ones who do what we do because of SOUL, because we can’t not, because it pours forth. Rather than because we want to just ‘write copy and market on the internet and sell shit’.

Even on the best of days, when the world is lovin’ and adoring us, content is a’flowin’ and the sales of course ARE a’following, what we do requires HUGE energetic output.

When I write a blog or do a Facebook live, it’s not TEACHING. It’s transmitting, it’s downloading, it’s performing, it’s going within and digging out the DEPTHS of me. And? It’s demanding as FUCK. It’s EXPANSIVE as fuck, don’t get me wrong! There is very little I love to do more!

But after it’s done, my brain is halfway to cooked and I NEED to step back. Withdraw. Go within. Reset and recode, before I can REMOTELY consider anything else which requires above mediocre energetic focus. If I don’t?? Well, that was my twenties and half of my thirties, when I thought that success meant being switched on and DOING 100% of the time, I was terrified about the idea of simply ‘being’, or that if I stopped I’d somehow fall on my face, and so I just.kept.going.

Enter a 13-year long off and mostly on again stint of bulimia!

It was how I coped, you know?

I didn’t know that that’s what I was doing, ‘managing’ anxiety and overwhelm and a life not quite in alignment, I wasn’t conscious enough to be aware of that. Now … now I look back and see, wow, that was MAJOR self protection!

I’m so grateful I protected myself that way 🙂 … and I am so EXTRA grateful that I learned how to take care of myself without unhealthy addiction or sabotage.

What that means, for the most part, which I gotta admit does actually annoy the FUCK out of me still, is stepping back.


Knowing that if you just unleashed from your damn SOUL, you BETTER honour that and withdraw, recalibrate, and WAIT until you are ready to show the fuck up again.

30 minutes, or an hour, of ‘unleashing’? I fully believe it is more demand on more planes than what the typical ‘worker bee’ expends in a month.

And I believe – KNOW! – that if we’re serious about getting to where we’re meant to go and doing it WITHOUT COST TO OUR OWN MENTAL HEALTH AND SANITY, then we MUST acknowledge that.

Acknowledge that it’s NOT about putting more hours in, it’s about showing up fully when you DO swing the bat, and then exiting stage left, nurturing yourself, doing what you need to do for YOU in order to be ready to come at it properly again when the next message starts to come through!

This is true EVERY day, when you show up as an artist, a messenger, a soul seeker and speaker.

Today I felt that ESPECIALLY.

Not only did last night’s lil bit of warfare drain me even as it also STRENGTHENED me, but then this morning I had a bikini photo shoot!

I mean … I LOVE my body, I work hard at it and I am proud of myself. BUT! I am also a pretty typical woman who gets up in her head about it.

Every one of my inner circle besties who messaged me to say how HAWT I look on my IG stories got hit with me moaning back at them about how soft and floppy I feel, how I somehow came in today the NOT leanest that I’ve been in a month!

Yeah yeah, I also think I look badass 🙂

AND I nonetheless do and DID find it very very demanding and draining, doing that shoot.

I’m a huge natural introvert underneath my performer badassery and photoshoots are NOT my favourite ever! I do them to get better and better at them and for the content! But I find it quite full on. Especially when you gotta try and pose your body all over the place in swimwear while simultaneously operating on a few hours sleep after having your brain scrambled with an online attack the night before!


I’m a God damn professional, and I did my job.

I put aside tiredness.

I put aside my rampant self-doubt and judgement.

I put aside mild triggered-ness at everything that has been said about me in the past day, and continues to be right now.


Thank God my soul mostly says write and speak not pose in a string bikini haha.

Here’s the thing –

ALL of what we do is about showing up for our soul. As I responded to one of the extra-cunts last night, “I don’t do this to make money … or get a following … even though it certainly does those things! I do it because it’s my JOB, and I love my job. So, I put fear and doubt aside, and I show up”.

That’s what we do.

We put our own bullshit aside and we let our dreams and truth be bigger than it!!

We also OWN who we ARE.

A lot of the ‘hate’ at me was about being an attention seeker. My response?

“Uh, duhhhhhh, of course. I have a big message to share. I’d be a pretty shitty writer and speaker if I wasn’t actively seeking attention TO that art!”


What’s the moral of the story?

Well, there are as many as you like! Choose which suits YOU best right now 🙂

But here is mine:

No matter what, I am proud of who I am and how I show up and I OWN it. I am also thankful for the (occasional!!) chance to back that shit up. It toughens me up, which I LIKE, because make no mistake – playing at this level requires you to be equipped for the battlefield. The most IMPORTANT muscle to build is resilience, and inner strength.

Mine is on point 🙂

But also –

It’s okay to need to step back.

Right now after the past day, after I finished the shoot this morning, I felt partly ‘bad’ that I didn’t have the focus to just power through the next big thing.

But then I paused –

And I remembered:

What we do is FULL FUCKING ON.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But when your brains are like scrambled egg and your device is overheating to match it, hey hey – it’s okay to PRESS FUCKING PAUSE.

Turn everything off.

Walk away.

And ignore cunts on the internet who will never get it 🙂

And then, when the pause is over? Duh, you turn it into the next piece of content of course. Like this.

So here’s to the haters.

You can kiss my round ass.

As if I’d ever let you near it.

Oh, and yeah. Of course I chose today’s photos for more attention. Who the hell do you think you’re speaking to 😉

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