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How To Find The Real You

(ashamed) – photo by lindagr

I used to binge eat. And then some. I’ve spoken about it before but I don’t know if I’ve really talked about why.

I’d come home from my no-more-than-typically stressed day, and all I could think about was getting rid of the anxiety I felt. So I ate. The more I ate, the deeper I could push the anxiety down. And like a volcano that begins in the depths of the earth, the more power it had when it came back up again.

And so I ate. It made me feel (almost) happy, until the gorging stopped and I realised I’d done it again. But because of the almost happy, because of the escape and the release, I just kept going back to it when times got tough.

Back then, times seemed tough every day.

And I didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy, why what I had wasn’t enough. The job title, the husband, the savings account. Finally being accepted as ‘cool’ or good enough. Baby and house plans on their way.

All I could think was ‘surely this can’t be it? Am I really going to be living surrounded by a white-picket fence driving kids to soccor and living a perfect little life?’

It freaked the heck out of me, and so I ate.

how do you escape?

You’ve got the ‘job’, haven’t you? The important responsibilities that should therefore make you happy?

Maybe you’ve even got the white-picket fence.

(‘the dream’) – jayofboy

Us, all of us reading this blog really are living the dream. Millions of people world-wide would give anything to have the troubles we do.

But somehow, it’s still not enough, is it? Somehow, when the longed-for promotion, the saved-for investment or the awaited-holiday doesn’t renew you as you thought it would, you still need to escape.

So maybe you eat too. Maybe when things really bubble up, you stuff piece after piece of sweet rubbish into yourself to fill the void.

Or maybe you don’t eat, and ‘fun’ nights out are your escape. You’re great at entertaining your mates and having a ball. Facebook is proof of your happy and interesting life.

Perhaps you literally escape, you pack and leave.

But it’s still not enough.

learning to love yourself

I’ve met a new friend online, via my favourite blog. Kamal is a tech entrepreneur in San Francisco, amongst other things. He had it all, and then some.

But because it all is not enough, not for any of us, he broke. And not in a ‘better go out and drink your worries away’ way, but in a complete and utter meltdown sort of way of breaking.

He didn’t work. He didn’t go see his friends – stood them up even. He didn’t even get out of bed. He was so sick of racing to get it all, getting it, and then being forced to admit that the huge gaping needy void was still there.

I think, he is so lucky. To reach such depths of despair that he forced himself to find a way out.

His way out? He started to love himself like his life depended on it. He gave up the self-help books, the change your life thinking, and the ‘need’ to reach the next shiny thing and he just quietly, slowly and consistently started to love himself. To tell himself so.

Even though he didn’t believe it. And, he wrote a book about it. Which is how we met; I read the book, left a comment, and he wrote to me.


Tell me. What would you be doing with your life right now if you were madly, truly, deeply in love with yourself?

Just sit quietly for a moment with the question. Close your eyes and really think about it.

What would a person in your shoes do if they really loved themselves? I’m talking the kind of love a parent has for their child, the kind of fierce intensity that will drive them to do anything to ensure their child’s wellness and happiness.

Even if it means giving up everything they have.

i’m still learning too

I didn’t know that happiness began with getting the inside stuff right. With facing the truth about what I wanted from my life, no matter how crazy it might have sounded.

So I ate. And in between eating, and working, and going out and showing how cool and happy I was by having massive drinking nights with my buddies, I started searching.

I read all the self-help books from my Dad’s shelves, all the Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy and Zig Ziglar, and I loved it. I bought my own books, ‘Change Your Thinking’, ‘Authentic Happiness’, ‘How To Change Your Life in 30 Days’. I’d sit and have coffee and read and journal and dream, but I just couldn’t figure out how to get from where I was to ‘there’.

And so I’d close my book and go home and I’d eat, and my deep down worries that maybe I wasn’t so special after all would drift away.

When my (first) marriage ended, my husband wondered how he hadn’t seen it coming just by looking properly at my bookshelf.

I wondered too.

(broken) – photo by african_fi

In the end I did give up everything I had and start afresh. Everything, even my toaster.

And I built my life anew, a much happier and more fulfilling one. I’ve ticked off many challenges, said no to a bunch of ‘you gotta dos’, and I’m enjoying my ongoing development. Safe to say, I love my life, most of the time.

But when I read Kamal’s book and I looked in the mirror and tried to – without blinking – say ‘I love myself’, I cried.

And I could just do it anyway without looking away, but at the same time I could hear the little voice telling me –

As if. You don’t love yourself. Not truly. You’re not worthy of love.

You have unpaid debts, a messy house, photos that haven’t been printed in years. Things to put on ebay, and projects to finish.

You haven’t even cleared out your inbox.

Who are you to love yourself?

The voice will tell you that if you just do this one more thing, then it will all be okay. And because you’re human and you like to believe there’s an answer, you listen. And you strive to do the one more thing, all the while worrying about the other things you haven’t yet achieved.

You don’t stop to think about whether the things you’re working your life away for reflect self-love or just quiet desperation. And the need to keep enough, to be enough.

So stop.

Think about the stuff that consumes your head and your life. Think about the fact that you have one – ONE – life to live, and that it is slipping through your fingers as we speak. There goes another second of your life, DEAD. Gone, forever.

Did you love it? Did you love yourself during in it?

And how would the next year of your life change if you were madly, truly, deeply, passionately in love with yourself?

The direction of my life has changed in the past 8 or 9 days since reading this book. Woman Incredible as you know it will be coming to an end. The real me, the one I’ve been hiding without knowing it, thinking won’t be good enough, is coming out to play.

I thought I was healed because I quit bulimia years ago. I thought my happy, healthy, successful life was enough. And I didn’t understand why it didn’t feel like enough, why I felt as though I was still having to impress people or do things a certain way even with working for myself.

Starting to love myself is helping me to find myself. I hope it can do the same for you.

Get the book. It’s 99 cents. It will change your life.

Life is Now. Press Play.

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

PS

Programmed to Upgrade is happening gorgeous, and WHOOOOO MAMA is this the work that works.

25 days, you and me, 1:1, to quantum leap like you’ve NEVER leapt before.

This will be intense …

And a lil bit scary. But buckle up, because you KNOW you’re ready for it.

SO fucking ready 😉

Programmed to UPGRADE!

25 Days, 1:1, with Katrina Ruth, to SCREW the Rules, SCREW the Norm, Go So Damn Extra, So Freaking Hot, So Fully SEEN, and Snap Your Future Into the Now So Damn Fast It’d Make Your Head Spin … even as you nod in certainty that of COURSE, this is what was ALWAYS supposed to be ..

Places are already filling, and we begin next week. If you know it’s time to say yes to MAGIC, and creating your reality from the supernatural, and you’re SO ready to drop the paradigm of always having to DO (and yet still not be there!) then message me now.

I’ll get you the full overview, and talk personally with you about whether or not it’s for you.

To the supernatural baby, and beyond …

PPS

I HAVE SOME BIG NEWS TO SHARE!

As of today, I’m opening up the doors to my Inner Circle, my private client mastermind.

This is THE most badass high level mastermind in the world for women who want it all – and are prepared to do what it takes to get it! Really what we’re talking about is being prepared to be the PERSON.

And that’s what I do. I help you remember ALL that you were, and then become it. ALL Of it.

This is my highest level private mentoring circle. The exact place where I have personally mentored dozens of this industry’s most elite female entrepreneurs to break income barriers ranging from 10k months to multiple 7 FIGURE months, and everything in between. But more importantly than that – to become who and what they always were.

But know that this is not only (obviously) not just for the masses, this is also not just for someone who can afford to invest in a high level private coach. Being willing to throw money down is something which has absolutely zero correlation to being somebody who has what it takes to TRULY go next level as a leader.

If anything, in this industry, investing in a high level coach such as myself, is a rite of passage which veers just a little too much on the side of ‘trend’. It’s become something which ‘everybody does’, almost as a way of proving they play business and life a certain way.

Maybe even of trying to prove it to themselves.

Here is the reality which those who I am truly here to personally mentor and lead KNOW, the reality which my clients and all women like me as well as of course me personally have ALWAYS known:

We are VERY VERY DIFFERENT.

We are simply, smarter, faster, and have more presence. We can do more in our minds before breakfast than what most people can do in a freakin’ WEEK, a month, a year.

We are not basic ass coaches trying to heave ho our way up a few extra thou a month.

We are the ones who have ALWAYS known we are 1% within the 1% within the 1% in terms of how we think, create, operate, how and WHAT we are tapped in too.

This is not arrogance, this is fact.

And there has NEVER been any question but that we will go all the way.

My clients are high level badasses who do the work, who have a proven track record BEFORE coming to me, and a BEING-ness which unquestionably separates them from the rest. They don’t come to me to save them or lean down and hold my hand out so they can clamber up. They come because they are, quite simply, ready to go to the next level, already absolutely on their WAY there, and see in me something which they recognise because it is in them.

That ‘can’t stop won’t stop’ fire, and a level of ‘unapologeticness’ which, when truly understood and applied, can literally be the difference between 5-figure or low 6-figure and 7 or multi-7-figure entrepreneur.

So if you know who you are and it is THAT –

And you feel certain that you are ALREADY well on your way to to precisely where you’re meant to be, but that being in MY energy could help you to drop in and get there even faster, and that with a couple of simple tweaks your current revenue could be doubling, tripling, heck QUADRUPLING and beyond in months, as it has done with numerous of my clients previously, well then –

PM me here http://m.me/katrinaruthofficial and we’ll see if it’s a fit. I’m excited to talk to you, and maybe – do biz and life with you.

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