Selling is a decision.

Making money is a decision.

Being who you are meant to be is a decision.

It’s all just a mofo choice …

And if you don’t have the results you want right now?

YOU are not choosing them.

Look, I get it. It’s hard sometimes, being the rainmaker. The one who it all rests upon. Waking up every day and going to bed each night knowing that it’s on YOU to bring it. To pull magic out of the keys. Gaze to the heavens and be struck with inspiration. Produce something out of thin air that didn’t exist before, and is now gonna change people’s lives and inspire them to pay you GLEEFULLY, and on repeat!

Just like you, I have days where it all feels like too much. Where I’m THINKING too much, is often the reality of it. Buying back into that story of hard. Or just plain scared that I’m going to lose my touch, that I somehow maybe ‘got away’ with the success I’ve created so far.

And then I have other days where I just don’t WANNA. I don’t WANNA have to think … create … make magic … concern myself with biz-niz-y things and cashflow-y things. Where I just feel TIRED of it all.

I was talking to a friend today, as I picked up his daughter for a sleepover with mine at our house. About how there are moments I’m just over the HAVING to of it. About how I created all this … because I have so many ideas?

That’s what he asked;

“do you always just have endless ideas … how do you do that, just continue to come up with things?!”

And I said –

“Well. It’s because I can’t not. It started with – I couldn’t not. I put myself on the line so damn hard that I literally had to create or I would have sunk.”

Financially I mean, I wasn’t on a boat. Haha. But really, I did. I spent years gradually cutting myself off from other options. Refusing to be available for any life except the one I saw inside of me. Keeping my head barely above water.

I exercised TF outta my ideas muscle because that is ME, and I was always gonna … but also because I had no choice. I was back against the wall and breathing hard just to not fall through the damn wall and have it crumble on top of me.

Now … yeah. The ideas flow. I trained myself to be an ideas machine. A selling machine. A content machine. You name it! At times I lost the flow and joy of it because I confused doing what my SOUL can’t not with doing what my BANK balance couldn’t let me not. But bit by bit I found my way into where I’ve now played for years – I do it because it’s not IN me to not.

Even now, truth? I still have those moments where I want to throw a tantrum like a bratty teenager, and refuse to create! It’s that part of me which just wants to not do things to prove a point … to prove I don’t have to.

So I’ll leave ’em –

leave ’em –

leave ’em –

til it’s RIGHT up at that point where my creative genius is straining at the bit to be unleashed, and the business also wouldn’t mind having me show up for a minute –

and then I’ll leave ’em a bit more –

and eventually?

SNAP.

I’ll come EXPLODING UP FROM THE DEPTHS OF CREATIVE STAGNANCY LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL AND JUST BLOW SHIT UP.

Again.

Sometimes I HATE this part of me that seems to thrive on the artist rollercoaster of emotion and procrastination.

But mostly I LOVE it.

Either way I’d never change it.

I LIVE AND BREATHE FOR THIS DANCE.

“Has it got easier though?”, he asked.

Well.

Yep.

HELLA easier.

Man, the hours I used to do! Looking back it wasn’t that business or money needed those house. It was me exercising the beast within. Training that badass to be JUST the right amount leashed. I am SO grateful for that discipline, that practice, that BECOMING, of me.

You know?

Some of you know 😉

Here’s what I have got better at:

I know how to be in the crazy mad up and down dance of me.

I know how to accept the way I like to play life. And that I will never be steady, predictable, unless it’s in my chaos. I know how to thrive on my ALL OVER THE PLACE-NESS. And let it let my genius out.

And?

I know how to run a biz-niz like a biz-niz lady. With automation and systems and growth strategies and premium functionality and service and what-not. (I continue to invest in getting better and better at this!).

What it comes down to? I learned to separate the business from the art. I figured this out some years back. It is a GAME-changer. I’m still changing that game. And ever calling the peeps into my space to hold me to a higher level of it, and help me to grow into that.

It’s a journey which is never done, because that bratty teenager? I kinda like letting her out to fuck with shit. Just saying. But ultimately, this is what I remind myself –

When it all feels ANNOYING. I don’t WANNA be a grown up biz-niz lady. I can’t be BOTHERED getting things done that I said I would. Because maybe the art needs to go through a little polishing of resistance first. And maybe that’s okay. Required, even! I remind myself –

It’s all just a mofo choice.

ANY time you can decide to create.

To let what’s in you out.

To trust that what does come out today is enough. In this way. In this moment. In this BEINGNESS of you. With the audience you have. Creating the impact you are. Making the money that is there TODAY. But you want to grow … go next level … make more, impact more, sell more, all of it? Go to bed each night knowing you’re being even more, all the way into you?

Decision and choice baby, that’s it.

All I did is keep making decisions and choosing outcomes, and then making up the action I thought I should take from there.

I think I got away with it.

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