I STILL GET NERVOUS AROUND SUPER SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE

I was accused last week of being successful just because I am blonde with big boobs and thigh high boots.

Never mind that I’m not actually blonde and I also didn’t build my empire by walking around 24/7 in a pair of thigh-high rose-gold sequinned Christian Louboutin’s (that’d be fun though!).

This person saw a particularly provocative photo of me from last year when I was blond, wearing said boots, yep, boobs out, and made an assessment:

“If her name was Bob and she wasn’t blonde with big boobs and thigh high boots, nobody would be listening to her”

Uh, thanks Dean (or whatever your name was, I already forgot), but yeah –

Nah.

Before you get too outraged on my behalf, let me ask you a quick question or two:

Have you ever looked at me, or anybody who is undeniably successful in this online space of creators, leaders, messengers, and thought to yourself “yeah, but she’s so confident”?

Have you ever looked at me, or anyone who shows up as consistently and unapologetically as I do, and thought “it would be easy if I could write or speak like her”?

Have you ever looked at me, or anyone else who is ‘crushing it’ and thought “yeah, but if I looked as good as her …”?

^^^ these are all things I’ve heard said about me, and which have all also many times been said DIRECTLY to me.

If I could talk like you Kat – !
If I had your energy – !
If I had your motivation – !
If I had your confidence and certainty – !
If I always knew what to talk about like you! You always have something to say!

And so on.

And so forth.

MOSTLY these things are said as compliments, and I receive them.

But also, if you have thought or do think any of these things about me or anybody else who you in some way aspire to play at a similar level to, I’m gonna tell you something you need to know:

Baby, you full of shit.

You may not know it. You certainly may not MEAN it. You’re definitely not being an asshole about it like Mr ‘her hair and boobs and boots made her successful’. But the underlying mindset, between what he said and what YOU are saying or thinking if you buy into any of the above?

Same.
Fucking.
Thing.

It’s a mindset of separation.

It’s one of saying ‘X person has Y because of Z’, implying either that ‘Z’ is not available to you, not inherent or gifted to you, or (as in his case) that it would somehow be whoring out.

When in actual fact, for me and for EVERY successful and high-level badass I know, ‘Z’, was a motherfucking choice.

It was ALL just a motherfucking choice.

Oh, so people listen to me because I’m blonde, wear thigh-high boots (lol!!), have big boobs???

That’s funny, ’cause I built my business to MULTIPLE 7-figures annual revenue years ago with (gasp!) DIRTY SWEATY BROWN HAIR WITH BAD REGROWTH, not a pair of thigh-high boots OR even Louboutin’s (or indeed any designer possessions!) to my name, and also my boobs?

Were mostly droopy post-breastfeeding and ALL sorts of empty.

Just s’y’know.

Oh, so people listen to me and buy my shit because I’m so confident and well-spoken, I show up great on camera?

That’s funny, ’cause you only have to scan back through my Facebook biz page to early 2015 when I first started doing video and what you see there may result in you falling over backward at the shock of it.

– I looked like shit (I had it as a point of pride for some reason that I did all my videos straight after the gym … a sweaty re-growth-y mess and also with BAD gym clothes BAD lighting BAD backgrounds, you name it!)

– I fumbled and fell all over myself, I did NOT carry on loud and proud and ‘own it’. I was nervous, insecure, feeling my way on video. In fact the first ever video I did, in 2011, took me SIX HOURS TO COMPLETE. It was a 1 minute 58 second video.

I am confident and well spoken now because I motherfucking practised, and bit by bit let the badass leader inside come out.

And I look great on camera now ’cause I choose to and I also now understand lighting. lol.

Oh, but maybe it’s because I have ENDLESS IDEAS and my writing and content always flows??

Hmm, interesting. Seems to me that perhaps THAT shit is because I EXERCISED MY DAMN IDEAS MUSCLE EVERY DAMN DAY SINCE OH …. 2006 when I started consistently blogging, when nobody listened for years (or so it felt!), when I certainly wasn’t making MONEY for years. And I just kept going anyway. There’s that practice thing again!

Even the damn energy is a choice!

Here’s the thing, okay?

We all do this.

I’m not having a go.

I got off of a call this morning with a multiple times-over New York Times best-selling author, and I noticed how hesitant / cautious I was in how I was speaking with him. I also felt worried about what he would think of me. I thought about that afterwards, why was that?

Ohhhhhhh … because I am separating him from me.

He is ‘this’, or ‘that’, or ‘the other thing’.

He knows things I don’t know.
Has access to things I don’t.
Is mystical and fancy and high-level in a way I am not!

Hmmm? Hmmm!

I quickly gave myself a talking to. YES, I can respect and look up to and admire somebody, and acknowledge the work they have done and the very real fact that they DO know things I do not, and?

I can also make it AVAILABLE AND ACCESSIBLE to me. Remind myself that I too can choose into all of that, and show up accordingly.

How TF would it serve me to think otherwise?

How TF does it serve YOU to look at the people who you admire and think things about who they are that makes them somehow more magic, more equipped, more ANYTHING than you?

It does not.

Mr ‘she’s successful cause of how she looks’ has no fucking clue, and likely never will.

He is not one of us.

But you? You ARE baby. And it’s time to be better than being somebody who takes the things they most long for and want and KNOW are divined, and then puts them up on a damn pedestal.

When the reality is it’s only out of reach if you decide it is.

ALL of it.

 

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