SEE YOURSELF AS SWIMMING IN ABUNDANCE, OODLES OF IT, INFINITE, AND THEN ASK: WHAT SCARES YOU?

Why would I not just DECIDE more money right now? (I wrote, one time, in my journal. Wondering in irritation slash fury slash low key worry about the me that just couldn’t seem to next level that no matter what).

Why would I not just DECIDE more money right now?!

I know that all results, ALL of ’em, in my life, have always and will always and CAN only come from what I decided.

Not what I did.

Not what I ‘earned’, or was ‘worthy’ of, or ‘good enough for’. (According to whom? By what standards? How do you KNOW? Hint … because you decided).

But,

because I decided.

So … if I SAY I want more money to come in (or: insert whatever it is you desire, want, and also, be honest – believe you’re meant to have!), and yet it continually does.not.show.up, then –

WHY WOULD I NOT JUST DECIDE MORE MONEY RIGHT NOW … even if I think that I did, have, am?!

– Maybe I don’t think it’s necessary

– Maybe I feel like it will cost me something

– Maybe I LIKE being the victim or martyr!

– Maybe I get off on the adrenalin rush of never QUITE being there, of wondering if I’m gonna keep my head above water, and THEN I DO. It’s an ego rush, too, that one! LOOK AT ME MAGIC TF OUTTA THIS.

– Maybe I SEE myself as being someone who is in perpetual … if even ever so slightly … and compared at least with my peers, not ‘the whole wide world’ … STRUGGLE.

AHA.

Do you notice that ever?

When you’re checking in on something, asking or journaling or wondering on bits of why the thing that should damn well be by now does not yet be?

And then … ah! There it is! That TINY (or big, but often subtle) little nudge, charge, SOMETHING. This is what to pay attention to. The thing that jumps or even ever so slightly hops off the page at you. THIS is the thing to go deeper with.

For me, a big part of what I GOT to shift through … and which still comes up for me on occasion and I GET to shift through again … is that there is that part of me which is okay with – and even secretly ‘gets off on’ – being the person who is in struggle.

Now.

My life is sure as all get out NOTHING LIKE A STRUGGLE. I get how damn good I have created and allowed it! (Notice my wording there 😉). In the past, I definitely had things that were a significant struggle or daily battle even! But, I shifted a lot of that a long time ago.

So when I say ‘get off on the struggle’ … it was, even at my ‘worst’, a pretty damn first world struggle! And eventually a true 1% within the 1% within the 1% struggle, in terms of my income! (Not actually that hard to achieve, when you look at worldwide income data).

But yet it was enough to ‘block’ or stop me.

Because maybe some part of me thrived on and also felt proud of that I still gotta WERK for it … or that I always ultimately triumph but AFTER the push … or that I am smart enough to eventually figure out and solve and next level any freakin’ thing, and I kinda sorta wanna have to have done the ‘hard’ bit … and maybe KEEP doing it!

You know?

The thing is –

In the end I ALWAYS get what I decide, and that continued relentless decision, coupling with acting from a place of trusting it / believing it / showing up as though it were done, is what gets me there even in spite of any ‘blocks’.

BUT.

At the same time, along the way, hell YEAH of course I check in, tune in, notice little things which come up, and then – do something about ’em!

Do you?? *eyesglaringemoji* 😉

So, how would I deal with this particular little chestnut; how did I?

Pretty damn simple:

1) Own that I am allowed to enjoy the overcoming and also even the being IN of ‘struggle’. I like the push, I love the push, I am most ME when I’m in the thick of something, balls in the air, lungs burning, not knowing if I might DIE (so to speak), and THEN I COME OUT WINNING LIKE THE MOFO PHOENIX WARRIOR BADASS I AM.

So nah … not gonna try and shift that part of me that loves the push! I tried that. Nearly died of boredom at my own self. Got fat, too!

Own who you are. Lean IN to it. The End!

2) Decide I get to have more monies without losing any of my ‘needs and wants to be in the muck’ vibes.

I can have the push, the ‘will I / won’t I?’ without it being about not going next level on MONEY.

3) Set intentions that that last one just is done. All by itself. Nothing I need to do. I do not find it effective to ‘make a list of ways I can lean into purposeful pain or push, then follow it’. Lol. Or whatever you would insert there. I just decide it gets to take care of it.

Understanding this stuff was one of the big ‘pieces of the pie’ when it came to sailing past 100k, then 200k, 300k, 400k MONTHS, consistently.

There’s many pieces to the pie of course! And the journey to understanding YOU is never done. Or maybe all you needa do – is decide. And keep on deciding 😉

But then decide as well to notice each day what you need to notice. And show up to shift it!

Confused?

Don’t be.

It’s just about wake up, be you, all of it, repeat.

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