Success Mindset

THE DEVIL ON MY SHOULDER

I put a lot of posts up showing how into my life, my biz, my fitness and my chosen location-free lifestyle I am. Despite the fact that most of what I ‘do’ is work with entrepreneurs what I show goes far far beyond just what I do to make money. I LIKE showing what I’m doing to have my version of it all, and create the extreme business, extreme fitness, extreme life that I’ve always dreamed of and now get to LIVE.

But what I don’t talk about so much is the inevitable ‘downs’ that come with the ups …

Take this picture for instance. I was happy to walk into the gym and see that nobody was there and I could have my own private sweat session, so I took a selfie and planned to put it up with words to that effect. What it didn’t occur to me to share though, was that a big part of the reason I was happy to see the gym empty was that I really just wanted to scream and shout and cry.

I already DID my “workout” for today this morning 10 hours ago. Smashed out a killer weights circuit and felt great for it! But this, this was not really about training. This session was SELF-PROTECTIVE.

It’s one way I’ve learned to deal with the devil that is always, near to daily if NOT daily, on my shoulder.

Telling me I’m not good enough –

I haven’t done enough –

I’ll never BE done –

And that it’s all.too.much.

It’s the same devil that tempted me with bulimia on and off for 10 years (and mostly won) … until eventually I learned to understand this disease of self-control, and how to move past it.

Never over it, you understand, but past it; yes, I suppose so if only in a practical sense.

It’s the same devil that tormented me through several years of absolute hell-born insomnia when my first marriage ended at 26. I was lucky to get an hour of sleep a night; sometimes not that. For 3 years. I honestly do marvel at how I stayed alive, but then again the devil was there to help me escape at night with a lot of wine, and a lot of binge eating, and during the days I kept very, very, very, busy.

Escaping from who I didn’t want to be and running towards I didn’t know what.

And now, well now the devil on my shoulder plays with me in the same old way, with the same old taunts, and the same old anxiety rises up.

I struggle with anxiety.

Daily.

I don’t talk about it because hey! Successful people have all their shit together, right? Well, no …

And the truth is I DO share pretty transparently about my shit; maybe too much so! But this, to be honest, I’ve not wanted to acknowledge as something real and maybe I still don’t, because seriously Kat! Get over it. It’s just a bit of crazy-adrenalin-go-go-go driven stress and you just need to chill!

Well, actually that’s true.

I DO go like a bat out of hell all day and most of the night as well! I LOVE it; I could never live any other way. I read a quote today that cracked me up, in a novel, said by the mafia boss character:

“Hobby? I don’t have hobbies. If I do something I do it for REAL.”

Yes.

1000x yes!

So yes, it is a REAL thing that I need to ‘chill’ and it’s not something that comes naturally, largely because for years – 10-15 of them, the WAY that I chilled was:

I binge ate, then purged.
Or I drank.
Or I just.worked.more.
And then I didn’t sleep.
And then I repeated.

So now, to this day, when it’s finally ‘my time’ and I sit down with a book or just to relax, the devil on my shoulder is there telling me –

“The EASIEST and most EFFECTIVE thing would be to eat, you know …

More –

And more –

And more.

Ice-cream. Chocolate. Cake. Whatever. Eat it all then let it out and get that SWEET release. Escape. Hide. DISAPPEAR to a place where nobody and nothing can touch you.”

Of course the devil doesn’t tell you about the shame and loathing that always follows. It does a damn fine job of convincing you it will be fine, just this one more time!

But now I say no.

And no.

And no.

Again. Because that, that’s behind me now and GOD knows it was the toughest fucking thing in my life to break the hold of. And sometimes I automatically say no, I don’t have to think about it, but other times I really DO want to give in.

And escape.

Run.

And hide.

Release the build-up, and find calm; even for a moment.

The thing is, saying no to the sabotages of my past is also saying no to the instant release. If you’ve an addictive personality and you’ve ever abused that, you’ll know what I mean.

Food.
Alcohol.
Mindless trash entertainment in excess.
Sex.
Whatever it is.

It’s a QUICK release.

Saying no to that stuff, the sabotag-y version of it, is admirable. The only problem is it leaves the devil still there, politely waiting, refusing to leave, and infuriatingly REMINDING you that until you do something about it?

It and its bag of anxiety-ridden fears ain’t going anywhere.

There is another way though.

What I’ve learned, is that you can live with the anxiety and oft-on-the-brink-of-meltdown lifestyle of the driven entrepreneur who just wants more.

Firstly, know that you are not alone. And it’s not your fault.

It is VERY fucking common to struggle with anxiety as an entrepreneur, as a creator, as a leader.

It needs to be talked about more.

The ANSWER is not that you should fucking DO less. People who don’t get it, don’t get you, will assume that.

“You need to slow down!”, they’ll tell you.

“You’re too hard on yourself … you take on too much … be realistic!”

No.

I’d sooner just quit the whole fucking thing now than not be who I am and who I AM is this.

Crazy.
Driven.
Creator.
Leader.
Who never.
Can.
Or will.
Be done.

So, know that who you are is OKAY and everybody has their areas of struggle.

Next, accept that your shitty thing is real. Don’t ignore it. Don’t fucking binge or otherwise run and hide your way through an entire decade and possibly a lifetime, because it WILL MAKE IT WORSE, and you KNOW that, and also it’s a ridiculous waste of time 🙂

So, what can you do?

Stare the beast in the eye.

For me, when the anxiety comes to taunt me, and the devil is riding firm on my shoulder, I can’t breathe.

I feel scared. Angry. As though I’m trapped in a bag; I have a desire to flail my limbs around to get out.

I want to RUN.

I used to run with food.
Or wine.
Or more, more, more work, to the point where I would work 16-hour days with maybe one 15-minute break, back when I ran my own personal training business.

Now, I still run.

By which I mean I actually fucking RUN.

I don’t go to the gym twice a day because I’m obsessed with my body (although I am!), I go because it grounds me. Because if I try and lay still and ‘breathe deep’, I can’t, and I get more panicked. But if I go and SWEAT then it causes me to need to breathe.

I RELEASE.

Sometimes, like today, I cry when I’m sprinting.

It’s okay to cry you know.

It’s okay to need a release.

It’s okay to be human.

You don’t HAVE to have all your shit together, all the time.

My goal is not to be anxiety-free, although that would be nice. But my goal, my focus, is simply to keep my eye on the prize of the life I desire that I’ve chosen, and to SUPPORT myself through that.

Exercise is one way.
Fun and adventure and cool social stuff another.
Having a massage or some other form of self-care can help.
Going on a long walk in nature, and just working the mental AUGH out is great.
Eating more good fats, as well as foods high in magnesium and tryptophan also helps, from a nutritional and hormonal standpoint.
Writing is another.

And sometimes, quite honestly, nothing really helps, and I just ride it out.

Which is all that any of us can ever do, really!

It doesn’t make you a bad person to struggle.

And just as we each need to own our AWESOME we each need to own the areas of who we are that are not so fun, and find a way to dance with them.

I hope my post today helps you a little, to dance with whichever devil sits on your shoulder.

Remember …

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

PS

I want to help you to build a business you LOVE, and that meets your every want and desire, in a real and true way, whilst also resulting in you making a LOT of money, fast, and impacting a lot of people, also fast, in the way you know you were born for!

My most transformative 1:1 intensive EVER … shifting people into EPIC income and success since 2016 is back, for the first time in 2019! I’m so excited to bring this signature transformative work back!

Rich Hot Empire!

Work With Me for 6-Weeks Personally to Grow Your Perfect Cult Tribe, Create and Launch Your Low-High End EMPIRE, and Set Up Multiple Recurring Income Streams to Take You to Multiple 7-Figures and Beyond, Doing What You Love!

This round is even more special as I will be re-recording all original content, with you there live with me and alongside me AND you will also receive all original content; the exact trainings which has made this program my most successful ever, with clients repeatedly saying they achieved more in 6 weeks with me than they had in 2 YEARS beforehand! This work is for entrepreneurs at ANY starting point, as it’s about who you are as a person not where you’re at. I’ve had clients anywhere from total start-up, to already doing 500k+ / year go through Rich Hot Empire and all who have done this work have gone to a level of income as well as alignment and FLOW which they couldn’t previously even imagine!

6-week personalised intensive high level mastermind

Weekly group training and support; multi-media training: visual + audio

‘Done for You’ Templates and Step-by-Step Worksheets

Personalised 1:1 coaching included, plus DAILY unlimited 1:1 access

My personal hand on your business success

Weekly group coaching call and hotseat with my other private clients

24/7 mastermind forum, networking and support

Very limited spaces

Results guaranteed

Not for everyone

STARTS THIS MONTH!

I’m so excited to do this work with a small group of badasses who are willing to SHOW UP FOR THEIR SOUL no matter what. To walk away from all that is not serving, not actually working, not FILLING you. And to all yourself to bring your truest desires to life. If that’s you, or you’ve felt the call to work with me at this level, PM me now. Bonuses and fast action-taker investments apply to all successful applicants, but for the first 5 to say yes there is a very special $2000+ bonus specific around Soul Shifts & Money Makin’, and which, in and of itself even before we begin RHE will have shit changing for you FAST.

Apply via PM only. I can’t wait to speak with you!

PPS

HAVE YOU JOINED PURPOSE PASSION FLOW ACADEMY?

My ‘Going Fully Quantum’ training will break down ALL of what we’ve discussed today, and teach you the finer details and finesse of it, as well as exactly what needs to be true for you to APPLY it, not only into the practical actions you need to create THAT money flow and THOSE results, but also in terms of ALL the energetics of it, especially the ‘being and non-being’ around dropping in to superflow so you can be shown, create, receive, AND of course the being around not being one of those people who just can’t seem to choose faith and are ruled by fear. We’ll also talk about creating and integrating the exact wording, beliefs, emotions, energies YOU need for all of this to switch effortlessly for you, as you’ve always known it would.

In other words: EVERYTHING you need to know to go fully quantum, and double your income in 30 days or less, or whatever else you choose!

Where will you find this training?

Why, it’s one of the very first training in ‘Remembering Who You Always Were’, which. is our June intensive for Purpose Passion Flow Academy, my SUPER low-cost monthly membership mastermind!

And this training?

Will change your freaking reality. Well – it will REMEMBER it.

https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/purposepassionflowacademy/

It’s all available to you gorgeous.

You know this already.,In the quantum it is DONE. And in Purpose Passion Flow Academy, and especially our June intensive ‘Remembering Who You Always Were’? We gon’ done do it.

You may also like

3 Comments

  1. Sonya says:

    I too suffer from anxiety and can relate to all that you have said. Thanks for talking about it because from the outside looking in it looks like you live the perfect life (and for the most part it is) but anxiety can be debilitating both mentally and physically. By the way you look great. Do you offer a program with your eating and workout plan?

  2. Liora says:

    Thanks for your honesty Kat. I know it’s a difficult area to discuss and share.
    I too struggle with anxiety and know that having moved past a history of controlling behaviours with food, exercise has become the release. Exercise was always there and always a love, but I’ve learning now to use it in a healthy way, rather than an abusive way.
    Do you find that exercise sometimes still gets used in a punishing way? I know it’s a release and it’s great for that, but when it’s replacing the need for control, I find it’s in those times that occasionally still falls into a way to ‘beat myself up’..

  3. Daphne says:

    You know Kat, sometimes when you write, I swear you’re looking at a picture of me and asking, “What does Daphne need today?” I only recently discovered that what I was experiencing were panic attacks. It was much easier to transmute the energy knowing what it was!

    It’s really comforting to know that these feelings come up for someone who has a lot by way of design. I really appreciate your honesty and pouring out of your heart! Your insight gets me through so much! ????????????

    It’s strange, I’ve noticed a correlation between being a empath and being subject to anxiety, addiction and depression. I am highly energetically sensitive and I learned that a lot of my anxiety was actually my husband or children’s feelings that I was feeling; not my own. I was taking them on as my own. If you’ve seen Inside Out, it’s like Sadness touching the other memories and instantly making them sad – the downers interfere with my energetic ability to remain strong and feel safe & confident in myself. Only if I allow it! Being aware of it has tremendously helped me from slipping.

    It’s definitely a daily practice to protect myself energetically and even throughout the day. But so worth it! Every day, I am getting stronger and stronger. Thanks for your words of encouragement, Kat! ????????????????????????????

Comments are closed.

array(6) { [0]=> array(3) { ["image"]=> int(43377) ["title"]=> string(9) "Abundance" ["url"]=> string(47) "https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/abundancecourse/" } [1]=> array(3) { ["image"]=> int(43378) ["title"]=> string(19) "Discipline Your Ass" ["url"]=> string(49) "https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/disciplineyourass/" } [2]=> array(3) { ["image"]=> int(43379) ["title"]=> string(19) "Money Honey Program" ["url"]=> string(49) "https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/moneyhoneyprogram/" } [3]=> array(3) { ["image"]=> int(43380) ["title"]=> string(26) "MULTIPLE 6-FIGURES LOW END" ["url"]=> string(56) "https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/multi6withlowendworkshop/" } [4]=> array(3) { ["image"]=> int(43381) ["title"]=> string(17) "Love & Acceptance" ["url"]=> string(49) "https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/loveandacceptance/" } [5]=> array(3) { ["image"]=> int(43382) ["title"]=> string(24) "Journal Your Way to Rich" ["url"]=> string(52) "https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/journalyourwaytorich/" } }