WAKING THE BEAST
There is a place inside of you where you automatically say yes to the true creative wonderment that YOU came to bring,
the grungy the messy the bloody the gritty the raw,
in the way that ONLY you ever could have brung it,
the random the unheard of the what the fuck was THAT,
in a way that leaves your every cell THROBBING,
PULSING,
VIBRATING,
electric to the touch!
In a way that is astounding –
unsettling –
does not fits a SINGLE container or expectation or norm,
not of business
not of life
not even of art!
In a way that, when you look back at the end of it all, despite all of the turmoil and all of the upheaval and all of the tearing down and then rebuilding, oh – ! The endless starting again. You will say:
THIS.
This right here.
THIS, exactly how I did it, EXACTLY how it ended up being, EXACTLY like this –
even though I know what it ‘cost’ me’.
Even though I know what it took!
Even though it left me on the outs of everyone around me, so much of the time!
There could NEVER,
have been any other way for me and I am SO,
so glad I gave in to me,
trusted in me,
and let myself BE,
so fully.
*
Can I ask you something?
When you look around at what you’re doing now, what your days are made of and where it is ultimately all, inevitably, if you’re honest about it, leading you,
does that make you happy?
And,
is it enough?
I don’t mean,
will it make you enough money, if you work hard at it; persevere. Will it get you enough clients. Will it result in that you … did it right. Whatever ‘it’ happens to be.
And that’s the question, isn’t it?
What we’re talking about, really.
What,
(exactly)
is it?
And is it,
(exactly)
what YOU decided and chose?
Or is it,
(dear Lord)
the path most well traveled in your industry.
Amongst the trendy peoples you hope to one day be like.
Or just what you never even thought to question, because why would you question a path that’s right in front of you; particularly when there’s so many wonderful markers that ‘prove’ success ahead on it?
Well, I don’t know.
Maybe you would?
*
Here is what I’m saying to you:
You have this … BEAST inside of you. This untamed and for the VERY most part untapped … THING.
Lurking.
Waiting.
Coiled.
As though it’s asleep.
You live and breathe right now, going about the motions to achievement, to growth, a smile painted on your face because hey – ! That’s the kind of person you are. And besides, you’re happy. No, really …
so happy.
Pretty happy!
Most of the time.
So you get up, and you work, you do your thang, you do the thangs of about 20 people if you’re honest about it! If not in terms of workload, then definitely in terms of what you create, achieve.
You’re magical and you know it! So does everybody else.
They look to you and they want to know – how? How you did it. How you continue to do it. How you’re so ON, so BADASS, so CONFIDENT, so accomplished!
And you think –
I’m not even breathing.
*
Do you remember?
DO you remember the last time you were ACTUALLY MOTHERFUCKING AWAKE?
Do you remember the last time you felt the blood dripping down your face?
Your heart about to explode?
Your mind going CRAZY with possibility, with IMPOSSIBILITY, with fuck fuck fuck I’m not gonna make it I have no clue what I’m doing I can’t keep going, and THEN –
OF COURSE I FREAKING DID.
Do you remember?
The last time you were really ALIVE?
DO YOU REMEMBER?
The last time you WOKE THE BEAST WHO IS MEANT TO DICTATE YOUR FLOW?
Do you remember – !
What it’s like to actually be YOU?
No?
Didn’t think so.
*
And perhaps you were thinking, this –
It’s really pretty good like this.
I’m really pretty happy like this.
I can smile all day, see, watch me!
I can push.
I can sweat.
I can bleed, in a dainty sort of contained way.
And sometimes I even think I’m alive.
So surely …
that will do.
And besides …
I forgot there’s anything else to even think about,
no really – !
I (almost) did.
*
And I wonder.
Don’t you?
I just wonder,
what would happen and what you’d create and what the world would see,
if you completely forgot who you promised to be.
And kept on forgetting.
I just …
wonder.
But hey,
don’t worry,
that’s just me.
And sometimes I just really don’t quite see,
how happy you are over there.
Turn turn.
Smile smile.
Tick tick.
Boom.
That’s all.
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