YOU’RE NOT LETTING LIFE TAKE CARE OF YOU. IT’S TIME.
So I had this really interesting conversation yesterday, with one of my closest male friends and soul brothers.
We were talking about male / female dynamics, how a man truly IN his manliness shows up and also wants to show up for a woman, and also what he desires from that woman, and how HARD it is for the man to feel he can fully step up but also I guess be honoured and seen, when a woman is showing up predominantly in her masculine.
I don’t have to tell you – myself, and the woman I hang around, call in, as badass soul sister clients and friends?
We do the damn thing, in every area of our life, we crush it in business and in the gym, let’s just get real and straight up here, we ARE the damn thing!
And proud of it.
Often Mums or single Mums on top of running an empire and taking a soul-message to the world, ALWAYS ambitious as fuck driven ladies who know they were born for more and are not afraid to go get it. We have a lot going on, so many damn balls in the air we can barely see one from the next at times it’s such a blur, and we step UP for all of that.
We have also learned to be extremely self-sufficient in terms of attending to our various self-care and inner needs, and that includes learning how to NURTURE ourselves, hold space for ourselves, as well as of course lean on each other when things feel tough.
In many cases, we’ve for whatever reason learned to DEPEND ONLY ON OURSELVES in order to accomplish what we know we must but also in order to feel SAFE.
The result of all of this, for the women in my space and for me personally, is WE RUN THE FUCKING WORLD, or at least the one we created, and by the way we are fully aware we ARE creating it all, and on our terms, too!
The DOWNSIDE of all of this, if you choose to look at it that way, or sure, we could reframe and call it ‘thing to be aware of’ around all of this, relevant specifically to healthy relating with men, romantically, is that we are so.damn.used. to being in charge!
We learned we had to lead, and so we did.
We learned that it was on us to take care of us and provide for us, and so we did.
We learned that when we follow our gut instincts and refuse to compromise on what’s inside of us business and life works, and so that’s what we did.
We learned that we can literally achieve anything we decide to, and so we DO!
And we learned that we need to take responsibility for ALLLLLLLL of the balls in the air, and so we shrugged our shoulders and gritted our teeth and threw our boobs out and GOT THE FUCK ON WITH IT. In 6-inch stilettos no less, half the time!!
There’s much to celebrate here, of course.
But yes there IS also much to be aware of, and learn about, when choosing (as I have done, and many of my clients and friends also) to transition from ALWAYS being the dominant one to allowing a man to step in and lead.
Let me be clear:
I have ZERO interest in being the leader again in a romantic relationship. Been there, done that, got the locked-up jaw and female hormone disorders (to the point of nearly sabotaging an entire pregnancy from being so in my masculine that I was bleeding the fuck out all over the place for months on end and told I might die!!) AND the soul-exhaustion that goes with it.
It’s not what I want, to be the leader, or the dominant one, with a man.
Therefore I have consciously been learning how not only to drop into my feminine relevant to that, but just in a GENERAL sense learning how to be in my feminine more, because it had been a helluva long time since I felt I could do that naturally … maybe since nearly forever!! A lot of this starts, I don’t have to tell you, when we’re little girls.
And learning how to drop into your feminine is one thing, isn’t it? Learning how to feel SAFE to do that is the real thing. Learning to trust and fully believe it is okay … permissible … DESIRED by others, that’s the thing that REALLY gets me.
Let me explain –
When we were walking and talking yesterday, my friend said this one line that really struck home with me. He was talking about how frustrating it had been, as a man, in previous relationships, to have the woman always wanting to be in charge of EVERYTHING, from the small everyday decisions to the big.
I can relate; I DEFINITELY did this in my past relationships! I was a control freak to the max and without knowing or understanding it at the time, I was definitely emasculating him. It’s the chicken and the egg though, isn’t it? Where does it start? For me it started with feeling like I HAD to in order to be safe, and take care of myself. I felt I had no choice and so I became who I needed to take care of me.
Many women I work with feel the same.
Well, we can (and do!) look at taking responsibility for that, at how it is we CHOSE that, at the mirroring side of it, and so on.
But meanwhile –
Anyway, the line my friend said:
“I mean – as a man I just want her to sit there and be pretty and let me take care of her. Don’t you just want to be with a man where you can feel like you can relax and just be pretty and be taken care of and safe?”
Now!! BEFORE YOU RANTY FEMINISTS REAR UP SNARLING AND READY TO RIP SHREDS, JUST TAKE A BREATH –
There was that small part of me that was like “hey! Uh – NO I don’t want to JUST sit there and look pretty, I am more than that lol and so are all women!!”
But then I caught myself.
He was NOT talking from some kind of ‘little woman’ who just sits around glamming up the place mindset. That’s not who he is. It’s a single line and there was a lot more context around it, and what it referenced really was our conversation about LETTING THE MAN TAKE CARE OF YOU AND THAT YOU JUST BEING YOU IS ACTUALLY NOT ONLY ENOUGH … BUT MAYBE EVEN ALL HE NEEDS IN RETURN FROM YOU.
I don’t know if that feels as big to you as it did to me.
For me it made me realise a couple of things –
1) Yes. Yep. Yes indeed. Yes in fact I DO actually want to be in an amazing committed relationship where I can just sit around and be pretty and know I am being taken care of and know that my ESSENCE alone is enough … that my beauty inside and out fills his needs and that I don’t need to DO all the things for him and also run the whole damn relationship and world for him!!
I already do that in business and will never stop.
2) It made me realise (not for the first time, but I HAD forgotten) that my underlying mindset is IF I AM NOT DOING THINGS ALL THE THINGS EVERY POSSIBLE THING AND TAKING CARE OF ALL THINGS FOR HIM THEN HOW AM I OF VALUE?
It made me realise that the whole damn point is that me JUST being me, nothing added and nothing else I need to do, is of value!!
That I AM the motherfucking value.
Which made me realise something else, and my friend had kind of said this to me as well:
I need to ONLY just focus on being the best me I can be in order to BE said value I am meant to be. Rather than (for example) running myself ragged trying to DO things in order to prove myself … or just in general trying to prove myself … you know?
Not saying I do this. But I am aware of it as a tendency, a belief still to be shed and shred.
Because what a man does NOT want is firstly a woman who tries to run him or be in charge but secondly one who is tried up and depleted because she is not taking care of being fully her, and honouring her every soul need as well as all the emotional and physical and mental and spiritual ones too!
“Hey hey!”, I hear you say – “Why are we just talking about what a man wants? What about what WE want?!”
Well, I’m just saying what’s coming out of me, take from it what you will, but as I said above, for me at least what I DO want is to know I can just sit around being pretty (which I shall reframe to cover being fully me in all ways … being in my magic and flow and creativity and SOUL vibe) … and knowing that that is not just enough but that is exactly what HIS soul needs.
Doesn’t it just make you think of BUSINESS?
In business it is your ESSENCE, your VIBE, that people respond to and feed off, and that is why they buy.
The SECOND you try to be the entrepreneur, artist, performer or coach who is trying to prove themselves, or trying to DO all the things and add all these fancy bells and whistles to their biz and offerings, you become the equivalent of the woman whose ESSENCE is not there for the man to be able to enjoy and nurture because instead you are running yourself down to empty DOING every damn thing … and that’s not what anybody comes to you for in the first place.
If you want to make a LOT of money and also TRULY impact in the way you’re meant to as a messenger, let me tell you:
You better be doing nothing except for BEING FULLY YOU AND HONOURING YOUR SOUL NEEDS.
For me that means, write, speak, unleash my message, like this, but it also means everything that goes into me being able to DO that, fully from soul.
Aka all the time (most of it!!) I spend each day simply nurturing my essence.
DEEP daily high-level inner work.
MUCH stillness and ‘just me’ time.
FREQUENT connection to soul, spirit, body.
ALL the obvious and less obvious self care.
Daily fun and adventure and play!
I have learned, that to be a successful 8-figure entrepreneur, I need to focus on WHAT GETS ME IN MY FUN AND FLOW ZONE … because that is where the magic comes from, and what people follow and buy?
The damn magic baby, and that is IT.
So every time I start to get caught up in DOING, I recognise that it’s a fear mentality which says I am not enough for you unless I am proving all this shit, or fancying up or adding all this shit.
AND THAT IS NOT TRUE.
And I only do it when I am doubting that me just being me is enough, is EVERYTHING.
When I am questioning my inherent value, nothing added to it however said value ABSOLUTELY requiring itself to be honoured, allowed space for, allowed to flourish and bloom.
And I wonder –
I just wonder –
What do you think would change in your business in this next year if your only focus, the ONLY thing you prioritised, was making space for your true essence and beauty to flourish, bloom, and be seen?
Here’s the thing:
It’s not just men that want us to sit around and be pretty (aka be all that we truly are in all ways remember!! and let them take care of us.
It is life.
The question is –
When are you going to let it?
Trust is a choice baby girl.
At some point, you may want to stop holding the entire damn world up yourself and trust that nobody ever needed you to anyway. Your true value is and always has been:
You being you.
So go attend to it.
And fuck doing anything that is not relevant to said attendance.
You are enough.
You always have been.
But for it to translate into having everything you know is meant for you then YOU need to acknowledge that, because ACTUALLY –
Everyone else is just waiting for you to finally clue in to what they already know, and that is this:
That you came here to change the damn world just with your presence.
Don’t forget that that’s a lil hard to do without being motherfucking present.
Don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.