It’s When You Can’t Not

It’s when you can’t not that you will find yourself, know yourself, ultimately be yourself, and then have revealed TO yourself all of the ways in which life truly does want to dance with you and serve you.

All of these things you’re doing which are halfway there, mostly there, even almost completely there?

They don’t matter.
They never did.
Except in the sense that of course it fucking matters that you’re giving your life for the wrong things, creating a life from the wrong ingredients which can only have one outcome:

You wake up one day and realise you made the wrong fucking life.

Near enough is not good enough.
This will do for now is unacceptable.
“I don’t know how or I’m not sure” is not a valid excuse!

Your JOB here on this planet is to search for what you can’t NOT give your life for. I believe you already know what this thing is. It could be time to admit it, yes? And from the moment you find that which you can’t NOT, your new job is then to live INTO it.

Does this mean –
Walk away –
From everything –
You’ve constructed?

Maybe.
Maybe not.

But it does mean make fucking space. Lean towards that thing you’re called to do. Honour the fact that if you can’t NOT then you’d damn well better!

And really –

If you can’t not but yet you ARE not, then is it any wonder you feel like SHIT most of the time?

You are quite literally, killing yourself slowly –

And softly –

From within.

How this expresses itself? This silent scream of your soul?

You act out. You sabotage. You binge, on something. You escape. You’re so damn frustrated. You feel scared. You start to hate yourself. Desire not fulfilled turns into self-belief lost which turns into hatred and scorn, for yourself. You probably pour it onto others though. You become obsessive about things which really don’t matter. Anal, even. You try DESPERATELY to create an identity that proves you as being worthy, enough, cool, enough.

You know none of it fucking matters NOT ONE LITTLE BIT, not even if you do manage to cobble together some sort of so-called success as a result of all your misguided efforts.

And most of all and perhaps worst of all?

You are sad.

You are deeply –

Deeply –

SAD.

Because you know that you were born for more.
You’ve ALWAYS known.
Your heart your souls your cells your very DNA has beaten and breathed and bled with this knowledge SINCE TIME BEGAN.

You know –

Deep down –

Where you very rarely dare to look –

That if you just fucking HONOURED that calling and lived into it, even a little, but yes daily, and let it grow?

You could be and do and have and create EVERYTHING you dream of.

And yet you choose not to.

And you damn well KNOW it’s a choice.

And you have to live with that every –

Single –

Day.

And I want you to know, that while I feel for you I really do, because I remember being there and that’s why I can write about it, I want you to also know you’re BEING FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE.

Do you KNOW how many people have no.freaking.clue what they were born for? Do you REALISE how fortunate you are to even have that FEELING inside of you, never mind the leaning, the knowledge, the MUST of what you’re meant to do?!

Yes yes it’s a blessing and a curse, we all know that. The life of an artist, a creator, one who is called is one that is relentless and will NEVER END. You’ll never be done. You’ll never have done enough. You will never be content, not fully.

We are the ones who are called and we are born to wander, restlessly, for ever.

But WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE FUCKING CALLED.

And that is a GIFT.

And when you squander that gift?

And you start to have to live with all of the inner and outer turmoil we just spoke about?

Well you DESERVE the fucking pain, and I hope you take it as the wake up call it’s meant to be. The REALITY, in case you’re not aware, is that those who are called and don’t live into it end up living a life of heartache and loss. They often find themselves with serious health complications. And mentally?

Not so great.

Just look around –
At how so many entrepreneurs. Artist. Leaders. Visionaries.

End up.

Self.
Destructed.

Because they did not allow their SELF.
To live.

You are risking your LIFE here, by not giving in. You think you’re doing what you have to do, for now, that you can’t leap until you know more about what lies ahead and HOW?

NO.

YOU HAVE TO LEAP NOW.

You are playing the most DANGEROUS game of all –

To give your life –

For ANYTHING less –

Than that which you can’t NOT –

When you know what your can’t not IS!

And even if you don’t, but yet you have that calling, that feeling, that desire, then don’t you see? The can’t not is to look until you find!

For how long?

Why, it’s obvious isn’t it? And easy, truly.

All you have to do –
Until you find your can’t not –
And then once you know it –
Is give it everything –
And all of you –
For the rest of your life.

If you’re not willing to die for your dream it was never your dream anyway, but also –

You’re already dying for whatever you are giving your life for.

And if right now you’re dying for ANYTHING less than what you can’t not?

You’re already dead.

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