What do you really really really need in your life?

What is it that fuels you; keeps you alive? You ARE alive, I assume? I’m talking about on a conscious level. Brimming with life. With va-va-voom.

Or are you desperately trying to claw your way out of a life somehow ever-full of regrets, if onlys  and one days?

There are a few things I really need in order to be truly vibrant with life. One of them is writing. When I don’t write for a day or so I become frustrated. Resentful and grumpy at the world and everyone in it. Most particularly at myself. Instead of doing something about it (like writing!) I start to self-sabotage, in a variety of ways. Ignoring the mess in my house, perhaps. Constantly clicking and re-clicking through emails. Refreshing Facebook somewhat maniacally at times.
It becomes ridiculous. A day of swallowed creativity might turn into two or three, and then a week. And suddenly a month or more passes and I’ve start to become the kind of person I claim to not understand. A person who doesn’t follow their dreams, who doesn’t acknowledge that life is NOW. Who doesn’t press play.

When I talk about writing, I mean this kind of writing; the type I’m doing right now. Writing purely for the love of it and for creating something authentic. You could call it from the heart I guess. Something REAL; something that I believe in.

Not something I should do. Not something to boost my rankings on Google, or because multiple people have emailed me asking me to write about it. I don’t mean I don’t enjoy writing blog posts or workshop bonuses or larger projects like books but I will admit that the writing I do to complete a task (even if it’s one I’ve set myself) is quite quite different from the writing I do to release something deep within.

I don’t know about you, but if I don’t get my creative release regularly, I start to bubble and overflow with stress. I try to get rid of it in other ways. I virtuously cull my to-do list, update my Facebook page, answer my emails, write some useful and practical blog posts. I dream up new joint ventures or research marketing ideas for my blog. I harass my PA with multiple emails fired off one after another; quick little notes or reminders about all the things I want to do and need to do to be successful. I ‘de-stress’ with a glass of red, watch some boring American sitcom to convince myself that I am normal, that I can relax and do ‘fun’ things. I schedule a night out or some obligatory me-time. I do extra workouts, or I convince myself that I need a few days away from the computer in order to rejuvenate my mind.

I do anything, in fact, but what I really need to do to feel like me.

I don’t know why I do this. But I don’t think I particularly care to keep doing it. Not when it is so very simple to fix.

What do YOU need in your life? I mean really really really need?

And what’s your excuse?