NEVER FORGET YOU GET TO CHOOSE

When I bought in to the story of struggle in business, and that it had to take me a long time, be uphill work, oh, so much effort and exertion to put in, but boy oh boy was I TOUGH and a BADASS and I would do what it TAKES, well, it was, and I did, and I got there. (Or at least, the first there, because we always know there is another there ;))

When I decided it would just be easy! And fun! And play! And flow! That I could laugh and dance and twirl all day and just.be.me., be silly and entertaining and engaging and fuck yes empowering all at once, as easy as BREATHING, I didn’t even have to think about it, well –

I laughed and danced and twirled all day and was mostly ridiculous as fuck but also at the same time the message just dropped,

and dropped,

and dropped,

spirit all OVER the damn place, the people who needed to hear it heard it, the earth was shaken to its core, the vibration of the very COSMOS lifted, I’m certain, and either way, who cares?

I was having the best time ever, money was flowin’ in faster than ever, people were gettin’ the shifts and the flick switching they needed and ALL.WAS.WELL.

Sometimes, when I think about dating, and finding ‘the man’, getting to that place where it was SOMGFUCKYES and exactly as I always dreamed – which by the way I have zero doubt about the GETTIN’ to of – I find myself buying in to a story that maybe it’s gonna be HARD.

ARDUOUS, you know?

Relentless!
Never ending!
A struggle!
Tough to find that right person, tough to trust myself to choose well, tough to both be met and exceeded intellectually, energetically, etc, while at the same time be granted full permission to be ALL of me.

(Granted?? HAHAHAHAH, life will grant us what WE grant us, let’s both you and I not forget THAT!).

And then I might say to my friends, well –

You know –

Things can unfold from something that makes no sense, or my needs aren’t getting met at FIRST, or I’m just not sure, or it all feels a bit messy and murky. That doesn’t mean it can’t turn into the thing! We all know stories of people who, when they first met their person, that shit was not clear at ALL, or they both irritated the fuck out of each other, or whatever.

Cool cool.

It’s all available.

And then I pause though, and I remind myself –

It’s my story, and I get to choose.

I wanna buy into that it has to take a lot of time, require a lot of hardship or lesson learning, that I have to fight to find or get what I want, then that will be the story I’ll one day tell.

I’ll still get there, because that’s who I am, winners win and then keep on winning and I ALWAYS get what I want, it’s identity coded since way back, so maybe it doesn’t matter which WAY I end up getting there –

and maybe there is a part of me that WANTS to be able to tell the tale of endurance, the Hero’s Journey, played out, again!

But,

it’s also available to me to just decide, hey hey – that’s not the story I feel like writing today.

What do I WANT?

What do I actually WANT?

Absolute fucking soul certainty from the very first breath.

And everything that flows from there on out.

It’s really not that much to ask.

NOTHING is really too much to ask, because to believe otherwise would be to believe against abundance, against destiny, against the basic simple fact that WHAT WE ARE SHOWN INSIDE OF US IS REAL, AVAILABLE, NOW.

You know?

YOU know 😉

So, maybe just ask for flow and ease and all the fuck yes, now? No more lessons to learn, nothing to wait for, nothing to work through?

Maybe!

Maybe today is the day YOU drop the story that there’s still so much for you to work TOWARDS before you get to just BE.

With money.
With your body.
With business.
With love.
With LIFE.

But –

Here is what else I want you to consider.

When I flipped into flow and ease and ONLY fun and money doubled, tripled, quadrupled, more -!

I played that way for a while, and then something happened. I got fixated on “it has to be easy or I’m doing it wrong”.

And I forgot that the point was never whether it’s as easy as inhale / exhale –

nor was it whether or not I needed to STRIVE, and PUSH, and PULL, and OVERCOME, and WERK –

So,

I got all tangled up in the story of IT HAS TO BE FLOW AND EASE ALL DAY ERR DAY, and actually what happened was I lost track of who I am.

I pulled myself back from any sort of exertion, effort, strive.

I refused to do or pay attention to anything that didn’t just naturally pour out of me.

And gradually,

my income slipped down a few notches, from 400k+ months to 200k+ (I know, roll your eyes all around the world and back at me if ya like, but still, you get my point),

and worst of all –

I GOT BORED AS ALL GET OUT.

For about a year or more, I couldn’t figure out WHAT was wrong with me. Why wasn’t I motivated? Where was my CHARGE? I was DOING MY BEST TO KEEP IT ALL EASY. My flow game was on POINT!

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Here is what I forgot about flow.

And about who I am.

I LIKE the push. I LIKE the burn. I LIKE going balls to the wall, and a million ‘nother balls in the air, and having no idea which way up I am and maybe I’m gonna DIE, and I’m on the floor, I can’t do it, I can’t keep going, God DAMNIT, it hurts so GOOD, but DID YOU DIE YET KAT, THEN NO –

YOU GET THE FUCK BACK UP AND YOU.KEEP.GOING.

It is what it is, I believe in purposeful pain and I thrive on it.

I believe in the STRIVE. The QUEST. The CONQUERING.

And?

I believe in mofo flow and ease and ‘I just woke up like this’.

So, what’s the moral of the story aside from that I might have even more personalities than what we all first thought?

The moral of the story is this:

It doesn’t fucking matter.
It doesn’t fucking matter if it’s struggle.
It doesn’t fucking matter if it’s ease.
And maybe the ease IS struggle and the struggle is ease, hmm?! Maybe we redefine STRUGGLE sometimes into BREATHING!

Maybe, just like the word ‘work’, it’s not actually a dirty word after all…

And so maybe sometimes I DO want the push, I NEED the push, I even need the burn or to BE burnt in order to go deeper into me.

Again – it doesn’t matter. But what does matter is this:

The very moment I stop simply BEING, being whoever I am in that moment, choosing in to whatever I am choosing in to in that moment, and thus creating whatever I needed to CREATE in that moment, meanwhile, side by side, simply doing the work as I am shown –

and instead I begin to THINK about how to be, or to make contracts with myself about how I think I should be,

I lose the game entirely.

Because in the end, it’s very black and white and VERY very simple:

The pearly fucking gates unlock when you realise that simply who you are brought you there.

Not because you thought about who you are.
Not because you tried to be who you thought you needed to be.
But because, somewhere along the way, you DECIDED that you’d planted yourself in the right shit,
would continue to do so,
and thus your true BEING would flow out exactly as it was always meant to.

All of which is to tell ya?

It doesn’t really matter which pathway you choose, ultimately you’re going to get to exactly where you decide to get to, and no place else. But either way?

You are fucking choosing what you’ve got right now.

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