PRACTICING DETACHMENT IN ORDER TO RECEIVE, WITH EASE

I don’t know about you, but I find it kinda infuriating how often, even after all these years, I really REALLY don’t feel like I have anything to say when I know it’s time to write.

It’s infuriating, but at the same time I also smile at it and think, well – whatever, right? Big picture is everything just keeps on keeping on, and whether or not I look back and say I ‘felt like it’ on THIS particular day, is neither going to be here nor there.

However … it KINDA is, since in order to bring that big picture to life I know I’m gonna need to be able to look back, just as I do now, and say, ‘you know what?’

‘I showed the fuck up.

Every day.

For my art.

Whether I felt like it, and whether I didn’t’.

Sometimes, on days like today, when I feel as though the muse is not coming through me, I’m a little disconnected from the slight breathlessness of a busy morning with the kids perhaps, or I got myself side-tracked with other thoughts and things rather than going into my inner work which is certainly an EASIER direct path to letting the message out, sometimes, I find that as well as being ANNOYED at not ‘feeling it’, I’m also getting attached.

I start to get just a leeeeeettttle bit anxious, you know? A TEENSY bit irritated. A bit WORRIED, even! What if I don’t have anything to write? Then what?!

Well, truth is the WORLD WOULD IN FACT KEEP TURNING, I know this. But what I’m really attached to is not so much ‘having to’ do it, having to do ANYTHING, but more so the feeling I get when I’m IN that flow zone, and unleashing, from the soul.

Don’t you just think we spend our entire lives chasing a feeling?

Don’t you just wanna pat yourself on the back sometimes for how damn fine of a job you’re doing at hitting that feeling, most of the time? I do! But yeah, I still get into attachment when I’m not getting it, almost like there’s some kind of underlying fear that if I DON’T GET IT NOW IT’LL BE LOST FOREVER!

It reminds me of how I used to feel about money, about high-ticket sales, in particular, but really about ALL sales.

It reminds me also of how I used to feel about MEN, about receiving the attention or energy I thought I needed in order to validate myself, in order to feel safe that I was LOVED.

Some years back, I found it excruciatingly difficult to receive money. Never mind with ease, it was an uphill fucking battle to get it at all, and when it did come, it felt PAIN-staking. I also wasn’t ever REALLY able to enjoy it; I certainly didn’t feel abundant, because even when I HAD money, I was living in fear of it being taken away.

If someone said they were going to sign up for something I would live in COMPLETE anxiety until the sale came through; terrified that if I BREATHED wrong it wouldn’t, terrified that it just wouldn’t because I wanted and thought I NEEDED it so badly.

This belief system towards money, in case you’re wondering, is a FABULOUS way to push money away; keep it at arms length.

You’re literally living in a mental and emotional soup of I DON’T HAVE AND I NEED, which by definition means you can not BE in abundance, and if you’re not ALREADY in abundance, guess what?

That mo-nay not gon’ flow baby!

I know 

It is annoying as FUCK!

Well, I used to think so 

It’s interesting … a few days ago my newest Inner Circle member, ABOUT to join, said yes to the upfront payment, which is 60k. The payment hasn’t come through yet, but not once have I felt any sort of need or lack or fear around it. It actually seems kind of funny now, to think about – why would I? I’m quite sure it will, but if for some reason it didn’t go ahead, whatever – obviously THAT was the aligned outcome for both of us; despite what we may have thought earlier!

Because I have no neediness around money nowadays –

It always flows with ease.

And anytime a launch or deal or whatever nets less than what I thought it would –

It has ZERO impact on my emotional state, nor even my financial! Why? Because I KNOW AND TRUST that I am an abundant PERSON, money is always there for me, always available, why would it not be; it’s like air!

But yes –

I USED to live in that throat-clenching death grip of fear and by GOD was it exhausting not to mention completely INEFFECTIVE!

How did I get out?

I fucking practiced, that’s how.

I made daily space, FOR YEARS, and when I say daily I mean EVERY fucking day, all THROUGH the day, to upgrade my beliefs, emotions, energy, ACTIONS, and eventually it clicked. It was a continual evolution, and for a long while it felt like I would ALWAYS live with that fear, but now …

It seems so long ago. Even though it’s not really, not in physical time.

But now …

I can’t even imagine feeling worried about money. I can REMEMBER. But I can’t imagine it in the now.

Hence why it doesn’t happen 

When I left my marriage a few years back I went into MASSIVE scarcity, fear, so much self-worth shit came up, and fuck ME I got to learn what seemed like an endless amount of lessons in this area.

I wanted attention and love SO MUCH. I was DESPERATE for it. I would latch on to the SMALLEST thing, and find myself in TURMOIL if I didn’t get what I thought I needed in order to be enough, or somehow ‘prove’ that I am a worthy or lovable person.

Of course, I pretty quickly saw the parallels to this and the money stuff. In fact, even with the money stuff a lot of how I got through THAT was I drew parallels to my fitness, and how I’d mastered my shit in THAT area previously.

I applied my body mindset to my money, and I became rich, properly though, in all ways, not just financial.

I also applied it to getting soulmate clients, by the way, and having ALL things just flow.

And then I applied my body and my money mindset to the love area, and I slowly but surely became FULLY IN LOVE and fully in love and ACCEPTANCE of myself.

Detached from needing ANY other person to somehow ‘make’ me good enough.

Just like I’d had to detach from needing MONEY to ‘make’ me safe.

ALL of these things were a practice.

I was DEDICATED.

I set my intention, I knew what my desired outcome was, and then I fucking PRACTICED the beliefs and feelings and also actions to match it.

The more you practice being the person who is already there –

The more you just become the fucking person!

And one day you look back and MARVEL at how you used to act; no wonder you held it all away from you!

I can smile now, but I do understand the feeling of BEING there, believe me.

And I had a flicker of remembering about it just now, as I felt that NEEDINESS come over me about ‘having’ to write a blog today, or about ‘needing’ that feeling of flow.

So, how did I get out of it?

I simply chose to let go.

And I chose to let flow, whatever fucking DID.

I started writing this, with full awareness that maybe I would NOT slip into ‘the feeling’, and that maybe I wouldn’t find myself ABLE to write, or that maybe I’d write complete crap, and not publish it!

Fortunately I have practiced detachment in this area for many years previously, and I know better than to not pubish something just because I might think it’s not good enough!

Let the message be the message –

And my crazy ass mind can think whatever the fuck it wants about it!

Here’s the thing, okay?

Whatever you LATCH ONTO and are desperate for WILL be held from you. The reason is – your highest most self knows that you need to learn how to give it to yourSELF, and that from that place of COURSE you can just click your fingers and HAVE it, it’s easy.

But for as long as you tell yourself that having | being | doing something will FULFIL you, save you, make you safe or enough or happy –

You will CONTINUE TO LEARN THE LESSON OF HAVING IT HELD FROM YOU

The easiest way out of THAT is of course THROUGH it

Lean into the feeling. Let yourself feel ALL the fear. And then simply ask –

‘What would I do though, if I was already there, and if I really didn’t care because I already HAD everything IN me to feel flow | love | safety | all of it?’

And then?

You just do it.

And here we are.

For another day.

Just showing up.

Because it’s what feels right,

but not because it’ll mean something or get us somewhere or cause ANYTHING.

The simplest way to having EVERYTHING you want is to give it to yourself now, and after that –

Do what you fucking want.

Don’t you wanna choose to TRUST now that you just being you is enough?!

It always was, actually …

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