I stopped to get a coffee. I parked in a clearway without realising it; went in for 15 minutes and felt oh so good about myself for getting a productive head start to my day. They towed my car, and – almost as annoyingly – my post workout protein shake and food along with it. I had places to go, people to see, meetings to attend. It wasn’t going to happen. I surrendered. I cancelled my appointments, went for a great workout, bought a Horleys protein shake (gasp!) and then slowly made my way to the compound via tram. Now I’m having coffee and writing and suddenly the day seems full of promise, just because it can be.

It must be my week, because a few days ago I was 10 minutes off (on foot) from an important personal consultation when the skies opened. People were panicking, umbrellas were being shoved into others’ eyes (mine!), tram stops were practically pyramids of people. I started running down Collins street, backpack bouncing. And then I surrendered. There’s something incredibly freeing about walking at a normal pace in the pelting rain while everyone around you sighs and grumps and rushes.

Sometimes you just have to surrender. (photo by Shalom)

I wanted to go to a 6pm Bikram class, but my last consult went over time and then I got distracted on my laptop. I could have, normally would have, flown out the door in a tizzy and arrived feeling anxious but I surrendered. I took my time finishing my day, left the office and got in the car. The skies hadn’t shut since earlier that day and it took me 50 minutes to drive from South Melbourne to Spencer street station (about 3 kilometres). It looked like I was going to be in traffic for at least another hour to get to my house. So I surrendered.

I pulled over on Collins street and went and sat in the Fitness First sauna until 8pm, for nearly an hour. I came out calm, refreshed, half asleep and quite proud of myself for snazzily averting road rage. I got in the car and the lights were down, the rain was still pelting, police were directing traffic and Elizabeth street was closed, meaning you couldn’t get through the CBD anywhere.

I put on the classical music station (103.5FM) and surrendered.

I had to go into my office on Anzac Day to do some filming. I stopped for a coffee first in the still pelting rain, and managed to make the mistake of trying to get from the city to Sth Melb in the midst of the Anzac Day parade. It took me 50 minutes instead of 5.

I wanted to scream, sigh, roll my eyes, tense up my whole body and normally I would. I decided to surrender.

Normally, I fight. I push against whatever I consider unjust or unacceptable. I fight to live life on my terms, to lose the final few kilos, to get the exciting new project (and 6 others!) off the ground within days of conceiving of it, no matter what the cost. I fight to make sure I can have my workout time, eat my organic food, do the requisite me or down time items, keep up with an occasional social life, keep the house clean, and the lists ticked off in full.

Yesterday, today, and already for tomorrow, I have deleted my entire list(s). I’m flying free. I’m going to have to figure out all by myself what is important.

I’m surrendering. I’m sitting in a great cafe near the car compound, a cafe I haven’t been to for years, having a brilliant long macchiato. I’m going to go to yoga and then work on whatever I then decide is important, or perhaps nothing. Tomorrow, we’ll see.

I’ve surrendered.


Life is Now. Press Play.


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10 responses to “Surrender”

  1. Tam says:

    Kat, that was beautiful. Just what I needed to read. What happens, happens… we can either resist it or surrender.

    Thank you 🙂

  2. Kerrie Gregory says:

    Great post! What a wonderful reversal attitude you displayed and so therapeutic to read about too. Am breathing slowly and deeply now…

  3. Matt says:

    Wow Kat, what a tragedy that the Anzac Day parade delayed your day and made you want to scream,sigh etc. It would be nice if you actually paid a little respect for the men and women that made the ultimate sacrifice for us and our country, rather than complain about traffic jams!!

    • Kat says:

      Um, that was the point Matt … that I was letting go of my own stuff. Sorry if I offended you by not detailing every aspect of how I live my life, including the positive things I might think or do. The post was about showing the human side of me. I’d like to think you might have such a side as well.

      • Matt says:

        Kat you certainly didn’t offend me “by not detailing every aspect of how I live my life, including the positive things I might think or do.” The most offensive comment was “I push against whatever I consider unjust or unacceptable.”
        I found it offensive for you to suggest an Anzac Day parade is unjust or unacceptable.
        I understand that you have a human side, and to answer your question, of course I have a human side, hence the reason my emotions were stirred up when reading your blog.
        I have been an avid reader and follower of your site and your blogs for approximately 2 days now, but unfortunately I don’t think I can stand being brain washed anymore. I wish you the best of luck as head of your cult!

  4. Tanya says:

    Loved the post Kat! x