This is How I Journal (weirdness warning full scale)

– today’s blog is my exact journaling from this morning; unedited or filtered and taken direct from my online file. i want to share from time to time how i journal and essentially ‘coach myself’ to understand my own craziness and move forward with alignment. i hope it helps you! there are no caps at start of letters as my left shift key doesn’t work on the laptop i’m on today and i cbf slowing down to put them in –

ah, my thoughts are all messy and jumbled. it’s like i know exactly what i need to do and i can’t do it. what can’t i do?! is that true? of course not! i can do anything i DECIDE to do and i do in fact do precisely what i decide to do so maybe if things don’t yet feel THERE then i simply need to make better choices.

today i choose to write something
record something
create something else still
spend time in the sun, time having fun, with my kids
eat great food
workout and sweat hard, twice
breathe
get a big head start on my key projects for the week
be okay with who i am and where i’m at!

the last point is the hardest. it’s easier to DO a lot of stuff than try and be one simple thing that’s actually really totally ALLOWED and yet i just don’t … can’t … why? why would i not want to just breathe and be okay with where i’m at? why would i DELIBERATELY choose to resist accepting myself for who i am at this point in time? there has to be a reason. there’s always a reason.

so … why? ok. because i’m scared. i want more. i’m scared of missing out (on what i don’t know) and i feel a sense of urgency for MORE. to do more create more be more, and to get their faster.

but you can only get there in the time you get there … if anything actively trying to get there faster will have you land there slower, if at all. as you’re likely to focus on the wrong things and not on the now.

question: who do i need to be NOW?

i need to be okay with who i am
with where i’m at
and with the best i can do right now being the best i can do right now

i can only write what i can write today
i can only say what i can say today
i can only sell what i can sell today

tomorrow’s news can NEVER be written today, nor even known, so stop trying to GO there.

but let’s talk about this fear more, i think that’s important … what am i scared of? ok – i’m scared i’m doing it wrong. doing what wrong? EVERYTHING. i’m scared i might be doing it wrong and so therefore if i HURRY i can … i don’t know, get to where i’m doing something different that is then NOT wrong.

huh.

so basically you don’t believe in what you’re doing right now, or in who you’re being right now?

no! that’s not true. i believe absolutely in my message … in who i am …

but you just said!

i know.

ok, so maybe i’m scared i’m missing something. not that i’m doing things wrong but that i’m not doing enough.

okay. specifically, what else should you be doing?

being more structured with how i send out my content
moving forward on a big picture plan not just living in the day to day of what i want to create and throw out there
doing these while still giving myself full permission to BE ME in how i do create randomly and so much each day, being able to publish that somewhere – i.e. facebook- but not having to email out every single thing i think
increasing my automated weekly income (leverage)

and … you ARE doing all those things Kat! you’ve already identified them and are working on them!

i know. i just want to get there faster. 🙁

well … get over it. honesty time though, because if this stuff is bothering you then what do you need to do that you’re NOT doing? where are you letting yourself down? where are you hiding from yourself or not going ALL IN?

ok.

– sleeping in later than i’d like … fear of facing the day? bad habit. practicality to do with waking the kids with current living environment. MAINLY this is simply bad habit.

– worrying still at times about my writing, is it good enough, is it okay, does it make sense, do people think i’m crazy, do i care, should i have more of a plan for what i write, if not – and actually i believe not – then am i actually speaking my FULL truth or am i holding myself back? the truth is i feel i have been overthinking it a bit lately but then sometimes i think i NEED to think about it more! ugh. ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE: it’s my writing from the heart, UNFILTERED which has built this business and drawn in my true tribe.
i guess i also have fears about stepping more INTO that writing and creating, in the sense that it would fully CONSUME me and then how would my business grow in the strategic way i want it to if i’m just merrily following my creator path from the heart? but why am i even worrying about this when that’s exactly why i have my team in place, my plan being rolled out, and the tribe there to allow me to create freely! SO JUST FUCKING WRITE.

– chopping and changing my 1:1 / high end offers when really i know what i want / need to be doing with people and it’s the success mindset work and i’m annoyed at myself for not simply focusing on letting people know more about that and about how fucking powerful it’s been for those who’ve done it … i’m annoyed at myself for chopping and changing and coming out with new things, because of why? fear i guess. feeling like i always need to do something new! and different! and exciting! or else people won’t notice me or they’ll be bored by me or maybe it’s a deeper fear that my work isn’t good enough and i have to constantly reinvent it.
ouch.
and the truth is i don’t even believe that if i sit here quietly and think about it but yet i ACT as though that’s what i think.
always reinventing … a mixture of fear and also the desire to CREATE new things continually … and also the worry of but there’s so much i want to share with people, so some kind of belief that i have to always come up with new programs or offers or i won’t have shared everything i can share and empower others with!
but yet that’s why i invented the ‪#‎tribe‬ … i can always create new content … and in my private client work it’s about what they NEED individually anyway so we do cover what they in fact need!
what do i most want to be known for? helping people think and then ACT for success. helping people to BELIEVE in themselves. helping them to take the leap of faith, trust and actively work to be who they need to be to live their freaking DREAMS!
aka … success mindset, but also i guess the truth is i DO like presenting it in new ways. such as rich hot epic fucking woman. it’s just packaging. stop worrying about it. the content is always whatever the content needs to be. but at the same time i get annoyed at myself for feeling like i ‘have’ to make it different / more catchy. this is a trust issue. I DO TRUST IN THE TRUE WORK I DO … and i’m getting in my OWN way by not demonstrating that trust!
how would i ideally LOVE to work with my private clients? individually for a short time (like the success mindset) – get them on path from an INTERNAL point of view – and then move them into something more high-end group based, still with individual touch but less often, and with group based resources and trainings. which – duh – i already have all in place so just FOCUS.

what would i be doing if i were fully following my heart path?

– writing and speaking from the heart each day
– doing more of the same if i felt so called
– publishing more of my books, putting them together more quickly – so more writing
– just enjoying BEING in my own community, sharing as and when inspired
– probably just trusting in the growth of my message and not worrying about how fast i build my list or ‘get famous’

if i were already there … and i felt fully safe and enough … what would i be doing?
writing. speaking. creating. from the heart. with PASSION and PURPOSE and flow. serving those clients, a few at a time, who i can deeply help and who i resonate with and want to help and who recognise the power of DOING the internal work and are ready for it.
running occasional live workshops, events, retreats … when i am truly called to rather than on a schedule as such.
building my tribe. serving my tribe simply by being me and showing up fully as me.
publishing more books. sharing them with the world but with good energy not look at me energy.
posting my daily blog.
focusing on my own work.
sharing my message through podcasts and the like.
posting my daily videos and podcasts.
live streaming if i have something to say.
all the things i’m already doing.
with greater trust.
and being here now.

what are the WORRIES i’d like to release?
– list . audience growth … release it. I FUCKING RELEASE IT I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!! i want to build my list one person at a time now. i want to give those on the list an amazing experience. THAT is my focus.
– funnel creation .. just let it be. let josh do it
– new program creation … just let it be and happen in time, stop trying to get to the future already!
– tribe growth … stop worrying just talk about it daily and it will grow as it grows
– how to sell or get new clients … just have a process of what i KNOW works and that i can help with and keep offering it. do 20 minute free calls, that’s fine. do them in a block once a week or something! just be consistent in making the offers i believe in!
– relationship uncertainty – whole other issue there!!
– worries about how to show up to grow my community on Facebook and online in general … how to stand out and get people’s attention … stop worrying about how to get their attention, just be me!

ok.

that’s it really. focus on what i know i need to do from a creativity point of view. do my work from the HEART as my highest priority. systems are in place for my team … i know what i’m selling … trust and continue the PROCESS … if it’s not a hell fucking yes it’s a hell fucking no!

WHAT TO TAKE FROM THIS, AND WHY I SHARED IT

i wanted to share with you how i journal as people often ask me how to journal. the reality is that how i journal differs wildly from day to day. i don’t always coach myself like this, with the questions and answers. often it’s more rambly. it’s also not always problem or worry orientated. often my journal is very full on excitable, aggressive, ranting and getting pumped up about what IS working, what i’m into right now, what i want more of and so on. things i’m grateful for … my goals and dreams … ideas. i do a lot of idea-storming in my journaling.

the point is that journaling is there for whatever you need it for. it’s there as a tool to guide and help you. there’s no RIGHT WAY to journal! the best way is to just start writing, and see what comes up. if you are struggling with anxiety or feeling unsure of what you’re doing, or resentful / angry etc then journaling is the perfect place to figure out what the worry beneath the worry is, and to remind yourself of what matters. journaling is also the perfect place to build yourself up and get your confidence on!

i consider journaling a critical tool for all growth orientated people to use DAILY. why daily? well … journaling is essentially thinking consciously, and choosing to proactively create your life rather than reactively jump to the commands or ideals of everyone around you. this seems like a useful thing to do daily! not to mention how helpful journaling is for sorting your shit out. one of the reasons i’m able to get so much done and move forward DAILY on my personal and business goals is through the power of journaling. it helps me get out of my own way, reminds me what matters, and i use it to kick my own ass if need be.

QUESTIONS FOR YOU TO PONDER IN YOUR OWN JOURNALING

here are a few questions, based on my own journaling work today:

– where do you feel held back right now? why? what’s it REALLY about?

– what worries do you choose to release as of today?

– if you were FULLY following your heart path right now how would that look?

– what’s a HELL YES in your life right now, and are you honouring it?

– what’s a HELL NO if you’re honest and why are you spending time on it?

happy journaling! please let me know how you go.