ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED AND DESIRE, OR DON’T EXPECT TO FREAKING GET IT!
It’s come to my attention that there is a serious case of Women Not Asking For What They Want and Need going on.
On the internet?
Sure. No doubt!
But actually I meant in general in, you know, what’s it called? LIFE.
Me? I’m as guilty as the next badass babe of not stating my needs, or – scratch that, I HAVE been. My ‘favourite’ area to play all meek and hapless and as though there’s nothing I EVER need, oh no, I’m not high maintenance at all, not ME, is (of course) with men.
I say favourite based on the unavoidable fact that actions speak a hella lot louder than words, so as much as I might like to try and insist I really AM this strong ass woman who knows what she wants and GETS it, the truth is that with men I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut, not want or need anything, definitely not ask for it, and always be happy if not bizarrely gleeful about whatever it is I do get given, and how I’m always fine; I can make do, look at me not needing anything!
Everything is always perfect perfect perfect! Even when the truth is I feel sad or down or just not good enough because I’m not getting what I need and desire.
The deeper truth beneath THAT is obvious, or at least it’s become so to me:
I haven’t asked for what I need and want because I’m scared.
Scared that it will make me seem a hassle … a nuisance … high-maintenance. I don’t want men to think I cause a disruption to their lives or existance. I want to slot in almost as though I don’t exist … zero ripple at all. Almost like I believe that if they don’t have to really notice I’m there they’ll be happy to keep me there.
IT SOUNDS GOD AWFUL.
Also, on a side note, these extravagant NEEDS of mine? Here are some examples:
Keeping my mouth shut when I’m hungry, or if I want a different type of food. Waiting till the guy wants to eat. Not asking for confirmation of plans when I need to organise childcare, ’cause I worry it’ll seem like nagging. Agreeing to do things I don’t enjoy, without exception, activity wise. Wouldn’t want to not be into what he’s into; HOW ANNOYING. Not saying anything if sex is causing pain, or if I’m not getting what I want. Not speaking up about what I even desire or require from the connection in the first place, i.e. how often I would want to see them … communication in general … etc.
As I write this, all I can think is SMALL FUCKING WONDER I DON’T CALL IN A CONSCIOUS MAN IN HIS KING POWER YET!! Who would want to be with a woman who can’t even speak her own mind!!
Of course I do that VERY nicely in business, and in other areas of my life, and that always seems to appeal to guys. I wonder if THEY wonder why I’m so compliant in our connections.
As you yourself might well be wondering, reading this!
Well, it’s simple.
I learned, through the past decade+, that my needs DID cause upset. I learned to be scared to ask for ANYTHING … like, even stopping for a coffee … or being tired … I felt like I was on eggshells all the time. I learned it was safer not to ask.
Safer not to need.
Safer to keep quiet.
Safer not to cause ANY sort of disruption or requirement of effort.
Now that I see and recognise all this, and understand it, I FULLY get that I’m allowed to have needs with men. But, by God it still feels really really fucking scary to actually then DO something about it aka speak up! I literally feel terrified that a guy will instantly not be interested anymore if I ask for ANYTHING. Man, I can even remember not asking for a glass of water for hours when I wasn’t offered one, not so long ago!
No need to tell me!
AND, I have consciously committed to changing my not-really-not-needy ways. I’m gonna take a deep breath and ASK FOR THE FUCKING WATER. Or whatever it is I need. You heard it here!
Of course the little things, and not asking for what we really desire or require, always only EVER represent the big things.
So, something I’ve been really tuning in to these past few days while in the throes of FEVER, has been acknowledging and allowing my needs.
I feel like the 5-day fever I’ve just experienced was fully about accepting areas where I was not actually speaking my truth. God knows I own my truth and message with BUSINESS, and have done for years now.
But, it actually wasn’t always the way!! Just last week I spoke with somebody who has been a coach / healer of mine for years, and who I haven’t spoken with for a long while, and I mentioned wanting to own my truth and message with men … and how ‘of course’ I do that in business, fully.
Her reply was very matter of fact when she said – ‘oh, but you didn’t used to, did you?’
WOW, I thought.
How in business I used to hide … shirk … try and be the sort of coach or leader I thought people wanted, so they would like me.
WHAT AN IDEA!
I can actually barely remember, so USED am I now to knowing exactly what I want with clients … money … business … also LIFESTYLE … and also ALWAYS GETTING IT.
And then some.
Which is why I know that now I’ve acknowledged my lack of fucking owning it in the man area, and now that I’m stepping in to CLEARLY stating what I desire and require with men (did it over text last night even! AND got it!) of course I shall HAVE it.
ALL the things.
With bells on.
Which brings me to you –
What are you thinking of, as you read this?
What’s coming to mind?
If you’re nodding your head or rolling your eyes at yourself, which area is it that you damn straight KNOW you need to take a deep breath in, lift your head up, look the WHOLE damn thing in the eye and ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT?
You KNOW that if you ask –
And you’re clear –
And you’re also FIRM, and you really freakin’ mean it and it’s just how it IS, that that’s your STANDARD –
You’re going to get it!
You know this.
The other night –
As I wrestled with sleep demons –
And fought bucketloads of my own sweat all twirled through my sheets –
All I could hear was my higher self DEMANDING an answer on what I’ve been allowing in the Relationship area of my life.
It was like an interrogation.
“What do you want? What do you REALLY want?”
And as soon as my soul served up the answer – “IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE ALLOWING?”
I tried to justify.
I tried to excuse.
Eventually, spent; absolutely physically and emotionally wiped, I had to acknowledge –
I was CONTINUALLY left feeling sad or worried about my worth because that’s what I was choosing.
I was taking whatever I was served up with.
And basically wishing on a star that ‘one day’ it would be perfect.
Denying everything I know to be true about how life fucking WORKS.
And how it works?
Sit your ass down.
Do it now.
Write down ALL that you desire and require.
Every freaking detail.
And then very calmly –
Very clearly –
Very definitely –
That’s just how it gets to be from now on.
These are my needs.
Take it or leave it.
Either way is fine.
Because I KNOW that everything I see and feel and dream inside of me is available –
Available for ME –
It is gorgeous.
You know this.
Just gotta fucking ask.
And turn away from anything that’s not, fully, all of it.
You’ve got this.
And you’re DAMN sure worth it.
Life is Now. Press Play.
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