I JUST WANT TO CREATE AMAZING CONTENT AND PERFORM!

I was lost in my journaling this morning.

Not in a powerful or fun or flow way, either.

Just lost.

You know, one of those days when you’ve just got –

Nothing.

The inspiration just ain’t there baby, and the muse? Has left the building, or is down on the beach tanning or something.

And I asked myself:

“ok. What do I get to write about today…?”

My mind served up nothing answers, answers that bored me. Blah and meh and what-EVER, is how I felt about it.

Like that I should write about discipline, or mastery, or just doing the work. “Yes, yes yes, I said to myself – DUH. Do the things today” (like … I already KNEW that, stupid mind; do you think I’m an idiot?! I ALWAYS do the things … tell me something EXCITING!).

So I asked myself:

“What am I really looking for? Letting it be even easier … letting it be even more just me … doing what I know I need to do … the videos, the show … if I were going to create a new piece of content today (ha, if!) what would I tell people?

Your greatest gift is being you, I’d tell them that”

And again I thought – boring. Old news. I talk about this shit all the time, who wants to hear it?! And I noticed:

Something in me was judging myself.

I felt … uncomfortable. And I wondered:

Am I actually just really fucking lazy? Do I LIMIT my potential? Am I refusing to really step into my God-given gifts, because the way I do what I DO do, the way I’ve built this business into the millions per year of income and a biz and life on my terms, HAS actually just been by doing what comes SO damn naturally to me that it feels at times as though I’m CHEATING …?

Am I using the fact that I can get pretty damn epic results without even really trying to avoid creating something truly AMAZING?

(And when I say –
Without trying –
I mean –
By bleeding and sweating and grinding and doing what others WON’T, on repeat, these past, oh, several decades. So I guess there was WORK … but really, I don’t know. I don’t really feel like I tried to do anything outside of what I was ALWAYS going to DO, which is to say be ME … I always knew I’d be the one to work while they all played.
Didn’t you?
And isn’t work anyway –
Play?
So, it’s confusing, this whole thing of whether I TRIED. You know?)

But anyway.

I was thinking about the concept of MASTERY. Like, I should PRACTICE being BETTER. I should make my stuff fancier … plan it out more … take more time over things … right?

But yet (I journaled) –

“NO. Something in me resists the fancy … I mean, my team can do that. I don’t have to do that!!”

And it hit me, the breakthrough, it came, as it always does, as it always MUST and WILL, when we simply sit, with the DISCOMFORT of not knowing, of not being inspired, of the muse doing whatever the fuck it is he or she apparently wants while we are LEFT –

In a void.

And wondering –

If we’re even real or have a single CLUE!

And what hit me was this.
The SAME OLD SAME OLD SAME OLD SAME!

“I just have to share my message.
I just have to be me.
I just have to perform and let it out however it wants to come out! FUCK the idea of TRYING to make it good.
It’s not good when I TRY, when I seek to practice a SKILL, apply something from outside of me ONTO me.
It’s good when I let everything out of me fade away.
And I just go in.
And I see what comes out.
And as for the FANCY or the POLISHED or the ‘turn it INTO something’, well –
I have to LET them (my team) bring it to life.
And I am doing that …, so ..”

But still.
It felt I’m missing something, about what I get to dive into today.

And I realised. Stop looking for something AMAZING and EXCITING and oh my fucking GOD! The work is what it’s always been.

The often nothing fancy.
The humble small steps.
The daily showing up.
The trusting in the process.
The knowing that if you just keep doing what today serves UP for you, however ‘meh’ it may well feel.
And you keep the vision in your mind of where said showing up IS taking you.
It’s GOING to turn into something fucking amazing.

And everybody will look at you, and will wonder:

HOW DID SHE GET THERE?

How did she get so FANCY?

How do I do so much, have so much, get followed so much, be KNOWN?

And you’ll think to yourself, well.

All I ever did was in an awkward and fumbly and knowing not a fucking clue how manner do all that I ever WANTED to do, even though MOST of the time it felt AND feels not good enough, not fancy, like ‘where is this all going and shouldn’t it be more PROFESSIONAL or at the VERY least organised!’

Which is to say, all I ever wanted to do was create amazing content and perform, and inspire you to know:

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