RESISTANCE TO HAVING IT ALL
When you get to the place when you have it all, everything you ever dreamed of or thought you could or SHOULD have, and everything is just working … amazing … incredible … do you think you’re actually going to like that?
It’s not a weird question. Let’s get real – if you actually freakin’ wanted it you WOULD already have it.
It’s that fucking simple. You can come up with a million huffy excuses why that’s not true or it’s because of this or that or the other thing, but no. It’s not. EVERYTHING you’ve made non-negotiable in your life has happened.
That’s just how life works.
So, let me ask you again, although let’s ask it in another way this time, more from the perspective of well you DON’T yet have it all.
Why do you actually NOT want to get there?
Just pause for a moment, tune in, and ask –
‘Why would I indeed NOT want to get to rich, hot, fulfilled, loved and in love, fully supported, experiencing all of life and my Self at its best … why would that be bad or wrong or even not SAFE?’
It’s an essential question to check in with, if you in any way feel as though you MIGHT just be holding yourself back from accomplishing the things you SAY you dream of and KNOW are really not that out of reach.
But … thing is … it IS that simple and also it’s TRUE that there are reasons we hold ourselves back from achieving what we want. Sometimes even for life! It’s frustrating, infuriating, disheartening to watch yourself day after day after day sabotage or just not follow through, wondering ‘what’s wrong with me’, and if, by taking a little time to dig in and look at where your ACTUAL beliefs and values are impacting your actions we can break you OUT of that, then wouldn’t you say that’d be worth it?
I say yes.
I’ve a pretty solid history of doing exactly this. In my twenties I was in great shape but my money situation was shit, and also my EMOTIONAL health was appalling as well. But, I was happy in my relationships! And I had a GREAT lifestyle, lots of freedom and flexibility. I’ve never been good at letting THAT shit slip away. Just a little note on priorities, yes? We ALWAYS get what we actually highly value and make a must.
Body looked hot
Relationship was good
Lifestyle was great
Money situation was a God awful mess
And emotional health was terrible – I was bulimic. So much for the hot body, right?
As the years passed, I slowly but surely did the work on my money mindset and wealth consciousness, and dug myself out of the 140k+ debt hole I’d been in, even eventually going so far as to become RICH.
Meanwhile, my relationship was getting undeniably worse and worse, toxic as FUCK.
And my body started to be up and down and all over the place. I’d healed myself of 10+ years of bulimia, which was and is AWESOME, but now my physical results weren’t what I wanted. Where I’d always been the girl who was in the BEST shape, I was now just slightly NOT quite there all the time.
Lifestyle freedom was still on point, and only getting better 🙂
Money had sorted itself out a LOT, and was continuing to get better and better
Lifestyle freedom and flexibility rocked
I was also, I should mention, becoming more and more connected to purpose and truly doing what I was meant to be doing with my message and my art
Bulimia was finally dealt with! That was huge!
Relationship was a shit storm
And I didn’t look how I wanted to look, except for the odd occasion when I somehow flipped the switch for a minute and a half
Thing is –
I KNEW I could have it all, and I refused to accept that having ‘it all’ in one AREA meant you couldn’t in all. For years now I’ve dug into the exact kind of work we’re talking about here. Asking myself questions about why I would hold certain things at arms length … why I would actually NOT want the outcome I said I wanted … what would be bad or wrong or scary about getting to the place I dreamed of.
I found myself asking these questions again this morning, as the last few weeks I’ve been mainlining sugar as though it’s my personal job to support Cadbury’s, Australia’s largest chocolate manufacturer.
Okay, it’s NOTHING like it used to be as far as BINGING and the like, but it’s not GOOD. I feel yuck. I feel annoyed at myself. I feel BEMUSED, also, like – lol. Here we go again! I also feel like – okay, okay, that’s enough now, just flick the God damn switch and clean up your act! What, life got so good again that you thought you’d just crash one area down, not terribly, but just enough so that once again you’re not THERE? Good story Kat … kinda getting old though!!
So yeah – I laugh at myself about it, which I think is a good thing to do; it takes the POWER out of it to get into laughter and then, what I find helpful, IS curiosity.
Yes I know how to be disciplined as fuck with my eating, and to do it in a NOT crazy-person way; from alignment. I invested years into changing my relationship with food and my body, and I have a great one now. GOD am I proud of myself for the work I did in this area!
So I DO know it’s as simple as discipline. Which I now get to choose, and AM. But at the same time … I want to understand the deeper resistances of my psyche, you know? If for no other reason than that being the person who continually does this, who looks in, demands an answer, then SHIFTS that shit, has made me into THIS person.
The unapologetically extra badass who DOES in fact ‘have it all’ … even when she’s sometimes apparently screwing with bits of it for shits and giggles. #eyeroll
Also, I’ve had a few things go ‘wrong-ish’ the past few weeks; enough to where I suspect this is an upper limit situation again. The old pattern of ‘ooh – life is getting SO GOOD right now! Money just keeps flowing more and more, soulmate clients are everywhere, LOVE has shown up and is getting deeper, lifestyle on point (ha – that one never changes … I’m obvs just NEVER available to not live with freedom) … etc etc … maybe you’re not worth all of that!’
Crash, bang – drop my 55k Rolex on the floor and smash it.
Crash, bang – break a couple laptops
Crash, bang – shit gets EXTRA nasty with my ex (I cleared that already though, but this happened the past few weeks)
Crash, bang – can’t get a park outside the Muay Thai gym (haha … but REALLY – that shit doesn’t HAPPEN to me!)
Crash, bang – body feeling off and am eating in a way that just doesn’t make me FEEL good.
I know you can relate. I’m sure just reading this you can already see your own patterns, and hopefully smile and laugh at yourself about it rather than beat up on yourself and shame or blame. That’s so last decade 😉 … NOW we get to understand it and we DO get to shift.
And here is how I did that, this morning, as I decided ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH, I insist on being hot as FUCK, no apology! Can’t very well launch my new program ‘Unapologetically Extra’ if I’m apologising in my own mind for being TOO much, having EVERYTHING at a standard of excellence! Fuck THAT – I INSIST ON HAVING EVERYTHING AT A STANDARD OF EXCELLENCE!
You too? Good! Here are some questions, and my answers, for examples, to dive into then. I wrote these relevant to my body, but you could adjust them for any area where you’re holding what you desire and know is AVAILABLE at arms length –
“Why would I choose NOT to get lean, be lean, stay lean?
– then I would be too good, have too much. (note I’m not saying this IS what I feel, this is exploratory journaling, it’s just seeing what comes up)
Affirmation – “I allow myself to have it all”
– Life would be too good / what would I have to strive for? Well, what do i WANT to strive for?
Blog idea – are you addicted to not having what you want?
What are the positives of not having? – then I have nothing to focus on or work towards … maybe?
If I had it all, I would … be bored? No, I’d just find something else to strive for. So just do that then! lol.
It’s all just a choice …
I choose to be lean as fuck
I am safe to be lean as fuck
I allow myself to be SUPER lean, hot, sexy, in my BEST possible state, free.
What else am I currently not allowing myself then? (where a pattern exists once, it always exists in other ways)
– 500k+ months consistently
– being in shit hot shape, yes
– deeper sleep
– even better energy
– daily housekeeping at home
Why ELSE would I need to not have it all? Relateability? Nah …
Self worth stuff. I guess.
I am good enough to have it all.
It is easy for me to have it all.
Ir’s easy for me to be in SHAPE.
It’s easy for me to receive love (random deviation, lol)
What does having it all look like then?
Oooh – self punishment!! Deserving to feel gross / being below standard … RESISTANCE, non allowance of full power.
I ALLOW myself to be as powerful as I am.
AND – okay – not allowing myself to be fully seen.
I allow myself to be fully seen.
I allow myself to be fully in my power.
AND SO IT IS”
Here’s the deal, okay –
There’s rarely anything new which comes up, when we do this work. I’ve asked and answered these same questions 100x, and the answers pretty much always come back the same. Sometimes there’s a little shift, or adjustment. But the power thing, holding back from true power, holding back from being fully seen; that’s not new. I guess I just sometimes forget a little … and it’s good. It’s good to dive in and remind myself, kick my own ass, and bring UP this stuff in order to reclaim that hell to the YES, I allow myself to have it all.
I allow myself to be all powerful.
I allow myself to be fully seen.
I ALLOW myself to go even deeper into ME.
Being a badass is a practice, you know? It’s not something that just happens. And even once on course, there are continually things … sneaky little life minions … trying to pull you off! If you’re not actively bringing yourself back ON, you WILL drop off alignment. It’s just how it is.
The good news is that the PRACTICE of being the most badass you possible is one that’s SO.FUCKING.FUN. What could be more rewarding than dropping into deeper layers of soul truth each day, NOTICING what needs to come up, and doing the work around it? What’s the alternative? Be a zombie who is also broke and fat and unhappy? lol!
Doing the work IS the outcome, that’s the actual breakthrough here. There was never anything to ‘get’ to. It’s all already there inside of you. And when you commit to simply addressing whatever needs to be addressed each day, and acting as the version of you who you’d be if you KNEW you could have it all, and you also allowed it, well –
You become all fucking powerful AND seen.
Just a motherfucking choice.
Join me –
Choose it today.
You’ve got this.
Don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.