SAD LITTLE BRITTLE LITTLE SHELL PERSON
When you refuse to open to your deepest soul work, the most open and broken and whole and raw and stunningly beautiful depth of you, you also cut yourself off from receiving, from the very life-force of God and soul AND life, and you make it that you are only every operating at a very reduced,
very dehydrated,
very NOT moist and juicy,
very ‘little crumbs of nothingness’ part of you.
A dear woman, who I will call a long-time sometimes client and, although we’ve never spent time in person or even large amounts of time conversing online, a friend, and someone who I deeply respect and SEE, said something to me not so long ago which took me a little time to process, and know what to do with –
“I often see a substantial part active in your frequency field, which makes it challenging to be that perfect match for a love relationship that works out the way I know you want to. It is a part of you that somehow accustomed to settling for the breadcrumbs of affection rather than go for the whole bread… it requires an awareness that YOU are not this, but something that still travels with you. And that you (your Higher Self) has already let go of this burden.”
This all made sense to me, not just because of past experiences where it wasn’t safe to open up to receiving or letting anything more than a tiny trickle in, but also because – more relevantly because – I could very clearly see that THAT IS WHAT I CHOSE THE WHOLE TIME, BECAUSE IT’S ALL THAT I EVER FELT I COULD OR SHOULD.
It felt written, that I would not have full expansion and receiving in this area … and so, I wrote it. I claimed the story that I was scared would be but also, yes, let’s be honest, resigned to an idea that it WOULD be, my story.
And so, the cycle continued, as is often the case with this things, self-perpetuated.
But! IT NO LONGER GETS TO CONTINUE, and while I certainly would never say I am ever ‘done’ with any sort of work … because we both know that that’s not how it works … I CAN say (and evidence of what has now showed up in life seems to back this :)) that I have recoded the fuck outta that shit.
With bells on.
Amen.
HERE TO RECEIVE THE WHOLE MOFO LOAF, AND ONLY KEEP ALLOWING MORE IN.
I thought about this a little more this morning as I journaled, and specifically as I journaled around what I am leaning in to now in my personal life, what I have been given, shown is available, and am daily letting go with in ever new ways of opening up, breaking open, EXPOSING THE CHANNELS THAT FINALLY GET TO BE FILLED UP, FLOWING, JUICY, AND MOIST.
You KNOW I’m talking about the energy shiz 😉
And,
It got me to thinking about business.
I have created money and soul fulfilment success in online business beyond what most in the space actually even dream of … and beyond what 99.99% of those who DO dream of it actually ever achieve, will ever achieve.
This is not because of my hustle. (Contrary to popular opinion, I hardly ‘hustle’ at all … not in the way most people understand this word at least!)
My grind.
My consistency.
Or even my repeated DECIDING of outcomes, and ‘fuck the how’.
Even though of course it is or at times has been ALL those things.
One of the biggest and most fundamental reasons I have the results I do in business, and not only that I HAVE those results, on the repeat, consistently, for yearrrsssss, but that it comes from absolute soul flow, and me just being in the daily dance of life and God and soul and me, is that I long ago OPENED MYSELF UP FULLY TO MY MESSAGE, MY BROKEN RAW MOST LET GO ME-NESS, MY TRUTH.
I have a level of transparency and vulnerability in business that goes beyond, well, transparency / authenticity / vulnerability.
Let’s face it: mostly when people try to do this, because they heard it was a good idea, it looks EXACTLY LIKE THEY ARE TRYING TO DO THIS. #fakeAFauthenticity don’t look good on you, and uh … is actually not a thing.
Why does this happen though?
Because for most people, in business, just like I allowed for myself for nearly my whole life in LOVE, they WROTE it, then re-created and continually claimed it, ultimately BECOMING it, that it is not safe to be all of them.
That they can receive just … so much.
That they can open up just … so much.
That letting go, letting go into the deepest most broken most beautiful most open most COMPLETELY fucking flowing and juicy and RAW yes part of them would result in them being eaten alive,
or laughed at,
made a fool,
etc.
So the ‘deal’ that they made with soul, in this area, was some sort of version of ‘do it carefully, do it like this, show a little, receive a little, be REAL and RAW and YOU, but, well, with caution’.
Of course they usually don’t realise they’re doing this … YOU may not realise you’re doing this … except of course that of course they freaking realise and of course you do too.
Once you’re called out on it.
Or even before.
For me, I let go to complete open-hearted beingness and letting go-ness of all of me in business in a line in the sand moment in time at the end of 2013 after my second baby was born and miraculously he was fine and I myself did not die. After having spent half the pregnancy in hospital being told I might, due to the condition I had, and that if I did live, a ton of other scary shit would happen. When the MIRACLE WE CLAIMED AND PRAYED FOR occurred, I also saw with CRYSTAL clear clarity how not worth it ANY of it was anymore in business if I wasn’t JUST being,
ONLY being,
FULLY being,
The End.
And so, I let go. I broke open. And I contracted with soul that for the rest of my life I would simply do the art I was called to do,
say and speak and share and create what was in me,
even if it never made me another cent again,
THE END.
THIS,
was the tipping point. Yeah, I created success before that. Who do you think you’re talking to? 😉 I’d already made a veritable fortune both on and offline, I was born for creating and selling.
But,
The way you see me show up now SO fully let go, which allows me to be SO fully in flow, in the juicy moist fuck yes receiving allowing otherworldly dance I do business from,
and everything that flows into and through me from that place,
It came from that moment of throwing my arms to the sky and deciding that I didn’t even CARE anymore what happened, I could no longer for another second do business without just being COMPLETELY broken open, raw, exposed, me. Because what I came here to do WAS that, and biz-biz, money making, etc, was only ever supposed to be a ‘whatever’ afterthought. Obvs I could create it, duh. BUT NOT BY FOCUSING ON IT OR WORKING TOWARDS IT.
And every single time, yes EVERY single time I tried to do it that latter way … the working towards way … well.
I only ever achieved such mediocre brittle dry NOT juicy soul yes results,
(of severely limited capacity compared with what I just KNEW was available for me),
and, in the process of it, I LOST THE ME BIT.
You know?
When I realised this, and I in that moment completely let go of ALL of my ‘shoulds’ and ‘tries’ and so on, and I just committed to fully expressed unadulterated and NEVER for an ‘outcome’ ME-ness,
Kinda like how the OMGod-sent better than I could have even EVER dreamt of person now showed up when I did the same thing in that area.
The thing about the stuff you long for is …
The thing about the stuff you long for is …
You’ll never get it by trying to be the person who jumps through the hoops to get it.
Unless the thing you’re actually longing for is to be the best hoop-jumper 😉
The thing about the stuff you long for is …
It’s there for you right now.
Let go of everything you think you should do to get it.
And beyond.
And instead?
owning it,
and knew it was only getting better madder faster deeper juicier for life.