Purpose

THIS IS HOW I WANT TO BE LOVED

This might be one of the most scary things I will ever write or publish online, but you know me … my commitment is always that if you’re terrified to do it yet know you MUST, then just do it right fucking now.

So I’m doing it right fucking now 🙂

Here goes:

My mentor asked me to journal on what I really need from a relationship, and also how I keep myself ‘safe’ in a relationship.

It’s funny, when you begin working with someone to uplevel your mindset game even more, assuming somewhat naturally, as entrepreneurs, that much if not all of the conversation will be centered around business, and money, and then several months later you haven’t even got to the conversation of biz … or money … but yet somehow you’re allowing better than EVER in that area. Which makes total sense, as the more you tune in to YOU and what you need, who you are, the more it all –

Works.

Like ease.
Like flow.
Like RECEIVING.

But yes. The love, men, relationship, me thing. Oooh boy, has that been a messy little path to go down.

A path in which I realised:

Every time I get REALLY fucking lean and ripped (my ideal chosen body type), I then ‘lose it’ again really fast. Not because I don’t know how to stay shredded (I know how from the ‘what to do’ approach, and I also know the REAL how, which is just decide and allow), but more so because if I was really lean and ripped all the time, I’d be TOO attractive.

Which might make more men want me, or even love me.

And that would not be safe.

All of this came up on a call the other night, and then deeper still in my journaling yesterday, and as much as I kinda-sorta-of-COURSE already knew this shit about myself, it was still totally WTF.

But also – awesome. Because with each layer you peel back about yourself, you step deeper into UNDERSTANDING. And when you choose to do that kindly – no need to be hard on yourself, please! – and with observation, it is then incredibly freeing.

You can make a new choice.
You can release.
You can move on.
You can be free.

I noticed:

I have had the belief that it’s not safe to be loved.
Don’t get too lean or stay there, ’cause it makes you more loveable (an arguable point, I know, but we’re talking about MY mind here, not universal laws lol), and you wouldn’t want to be LOVEABLE, because that’s.not.safe!!

I decided
It wasn’t safe
To be loved
When my first serious boyfriend told me he had cheated on me
And then
Because I knew
I wasn’t worthy or good enough and I was lucky somebody had accidentally kinda fallen for me despite all this and NOBODY ELSE EVER WOULD
I married him
Anyway

Ah … the misguided pathways of our youth 🙂

But of course it all works out perfectly, and exactly as it should.

He was my first husband.
Our marriage ended because I cheated on him.
And got caught.
(Wanted to, I suppose).
With the man who became my second husband.
Who I also never opened my heart to, fully.

So, there’s that. And a brief glimpse into things I have not HIDDEN before (I’ve written this whole story years ago, in one of my Amazon books) … but which I also don’t exactly shout out to the internet all the time.

As a matter of fact, when I look back over the history of me and LOVE, I struggle to find any examples of connections with men which weren’t shrouded in shame, guilt, ‘this is wrong’. Even with the first one, part of why I married him was ‘it’s wrong to have sex outside of marriage!!’

Never mind the whole nobody else will love me thing.

Breathe …

So now I journal, and yesterday I journaled deeply on this, and I looked at how I now get to choose to love and accept myself no matter my size … no matter who else loves me … no matter what I’ve proven, or not.

How I get to find love and safety in accepting ME, and then I GET to choose from there.

What I would like.
Thank you very much.
From a man.
Or perhaps –
Several 🙂

And I looked at all the ways I’ve been trying to stay safe. In control. My patterns. The truth is that the ‘I’m not available for love’ thing likely started way before Dahne cheated on me. I think it went back, for no particular reason at all, to stuff with my parents, my childhood, my self. I had a blessed childhood, amazing. But we all take things that don’t mean anything, and turn them into a story, an idea, of not being worthy, of not being enough.

And let’s not even get started on carrying on the beliefs or patterns of our parents; absorbing their unconscious blocks!!

What a wonderful mess to unravel … and please know I mean that, genuinely! This is how to play life. To look within. And to say yes – I will dig into the mess and I will create from it, always, perfect beauty.

So.

How I try to stay safe:

By not being TOO lean or attractive
By being a #bossbitch and not too vulnerable or feminine
By being PHYSICALLY strong as well as emotionally … too lean is maybe FRAIL, and weak, also
By being the one who makes more money, takes care of everything, is the decision maker (exhausting, really, and I am so done with that!)
By being more successful
By being in control
By being busy and occupied … prevent myself from binging or just having to be alone and face into me
By proving to the world I am deserving (success)

Breathe …

And release:

I am safe being me
I am safe just in who I am
I am safe being vulnerable, and open
I am safe AND I allow love, starting with loving mySELF

So funny, how the old cliches, are always, so true.

So why is love not safe then?

Well, when I think about love the way I HAVE defined it and ‘needed’ it, it has felt scary. It might get taken away. Or the person will wake up to me not being worthy, realise I’m not deserving of their love. Or it would hurt, because it would require me to be somebody who I’m not.

So much.
To dive into.

So much.
To notice.

So much.
To smile about.
And release.

And I have kept myself safe, with men, by showing I don’t need them … I will accept their love only in small doses … I will be in a relationship with somebody who has broken me already … or somebody who tells me there is a ‘3kg rule’, if you gain more than that you’re out, and haha, it’s a joke honey! … or with somebody who abuses you. And breaks you. Over. And over. … I will keep them at arms bay … I will allow it CONDITIONALLY.

So just as I protect myself from RECEIVING.
I also have not been so great.
At GIVING.

And on a side note:

Men need to nurture, to give, to take care of. Just as we do need to receive. It doesn’t work so well, for either of you, to push that away.

I’m learning 🙂
And I’m shifting.
I’m practising being open … vulnerable … female.
lol.

And today, here is what I realise.

I get to choose.
From OPEN expansion and SELF acceptance and love, first.

I thought I needed validation from a man. “Look, somebody loves me!” … so then I’m good enough. Etc. I also thought I needed them to DO CERTAIN THINGS (or not do other things), or they don’t love me. I thought it validated me to the world, and that I’m accepted as a person if somebody loves me … conditionally.

And now, here is what I think:

I get to choose.
I choose to love and accept myself just for existing.
Completely whole.
As I am.

And because I love and accept myself I choose to allow money flow with ease, no matter the ‘how’ or what I do or don’t do (done, and done!) …

I choose to allow myself to stay lean and ripped with ease, and no matter the ‘how’ (locked in baby!)

And I choose to allow love.
Romance.
Affection.
And just, also, by the way, really hot fucking sex without it having to mean a million things.

How do I want to be loved; I posed the question, in my title. And here is the answer:

Well.

I get to feel my heart overflowing with love …

I get to feel complete acceptance …

I get to feel safe …

I get to feel uplifted with joy and exuberance, exhileration …

I get to have so much FUN!

I get to feel free …

I get to feel abundant …

I get to be me.

Of course the real answer is simple, isn’t it ..

How do I want to be loved?

I want to be loved by me.

And so it is.

Remember –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat

 

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

PS

Programmed to Upgrade is happening gorgeous, and WHOOOOO MAMA is this the work that works.

25 days, you and me, 1:1, to quantum leap like you’ve NEVER leapt before.

This will be intense …

And a lil bit scary. But buckle up, because you KNOW you’re ready for it.

SO fucking ready 😉

Programmed to UPGRADE!

25 Days, 1:1, with Katrina Ruth, to SCREW the Rules, SCREW the Norm, Go So Damn Extra, So Freaking Hot, So Fully SEEN, and Snap Your Future Into the Now So Damn Fast It’d Make Your Head Spin … even as you nod in certainty that of COURSE, this is what was ALWAYS supposed to be ..

Places are already filling, and we begin next week. If you know it’s time to say yes to MAGIC, and creating your reality from the supernatural, and you’re SO ready to drop the paradigm of always having to DO (and yet still not be there!) then message me now.

I’ll get you the full overview, and talk personally with you about whether or not it’s for you.

To the supernatural baby, and beyond …

PPS

I HAVE SOME BIG NEWS TO SHARE!

As of today, I’m opening up the doors to my Inner Circle, my private client mastermind.

This is THE most badass high level mastermind in the world for women who want it all – and are prepared to do what it takes to get it! Really what we’re talking about is being prepared to be the PERSON.

And that’s what I do. I help you remember ALL that you were, and then become it. ALL Of it.

This is my highest level private mentoring circle. The exact place where I have personally mentored dozens of this industry’s most elite female entrepreneurs to break income barriers ranging from 10k months to multiple 7 FIGURE months, and everything in between. But more importantly than that – to become who and what they always were.

But know that this is not only (obviously) not just for the masses, this is also not just for someone who can afford to invest in a high level private coach. Being willing to throw money down is something which has absolutely zero correlation to being somebody who has what it takes to TRULY go next level as a leader.

If anything, in this industry, investing in a high level coach such as myself, is a rite of passage which veers just a little too much on the side of ‘trend’. It’s become something which ‘everybody does’, almost as a way of proving they play business and life a certain way.

Maybe even of trying to prove it to themselves.

Here is the reality which those who I am truly here to personally mentor and lead KNOW, the reality which my clients and all women like me as well as of course me personally have ALWAYS known:

We are VERY VERY DIFFERENT.

We are simply, smarter, faster, and have more presence. We can do more in our minds before breakfast than what most people can do in a freakin’ WEEK, a month, a year.

We are not basic ass coaches trying to heave ho our way up a few extra thou a month.

We are the ones who have ALWAYS known we are 1% within the 1% within the 1% in terms of how we think, create, operate, how and WHAT we are tapped in too.

This is not arrogance, this is fact.

And there has NEVER been any question but that we will go all the way.

My clients are high level badasses who do the work, who have a proven track record BEFORE coming to me, and a BEING-ness which unquestionably separates them from the rest. They don’t come to me to save them or lean down and hold my hand out so they can clamber up. They come because they are, quite simply, ready to go to the next level, already absolutely on their WAY there, and see in me something which they recognise because it is in them.

That ‘can’t stop won’t stop’ fire, and a level of ‘unapologeticness’ which, when truly understood and applied, can literally be the difference between 5-figure or low 6-figure and 7 or multi-7-figure entrepreneur.

So if you know who you are and it is THAT –

And you feel certain that you are ALREADY well on your way to to precisely where you’re meant to be, but that being in MY energy could help you to drop in and get there even faster, and that with a couple of simple tweaks your current revenue could be doubling, tripling, heck QUADRUPLING and beyond in months, as it has done with numerous of my clients previously, well then –

PM me here http://m.me/katrinaruthofficial and we’ll see if it’s a fit. I’m excited to talk to you, and maybe – do biz and life with you.

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