Success/Success Mindset

YOU DESERVE A SOULMATE LIFE

It took me, I would say, the first 15 or 16 years of my adult life, to truly believe I was worthy of a life on my terms.

I know that might sound like a funny thing for me to say given what I teach and preach all day long, but hey – we always teach what we need to learn, right?

If you want to know the truth, I never ever remember questioning whether I was good enough to make it as a leader, a messenger, a visionary. Oh, I definitely went through the spirals – for years actually – of wondering HOW to do what I knew I was born to do, and yes even of questioning who would want to listen to me, and I definitely took my sweet time to actually start saying what I wanted to say in business, but deep down I KNEW:

I was born to make millions.
Impact millions.
Change the world.
And I was always GOING to.

So I guess what I’m talking about, as far as my own self worth shit, is more to do with my inherent worthiness as a PERSON, as a woman, as Kat. I grew up feeling not good enough, not cool enough, worried that people wouldn’t like me, worried even that my own friends might not really like me! I don’t know why … I don’t know whether this was passed on from my parents or just innate … I think it’s common with those of us who have one foot in and one foot out, of reality.

I never did really live in the real world after all, it was always the world inside my head that interested me. So I suppose on the one hand I was desperate to fit in, be accepted and cool, and on the other hand –

I just wanted to go hide under a bush in the playground and read my books and write in my journal.

Can I tell you a secret? A lot of the time I STILL just want to go hide under a bush, or behind a tree, or perhaps right here in a cafe with my head down and my headphones on and block out the WORLD, so I can read my books, write in my journal, write some more, step into CREATION, and let everything else –

Fade away.

Have you ever felt like even if you REALLY really tried and gave it your all, you just don’t have what it TAKES to fit in?

I have to tell you, not to spoil the ending here, but I think it’s important:

EMBRACE THAT SHIT.

Anyway. I believe that those of us who are called, as I am, as I dare say you are, if you follow me, we live two lives.

One foot in.
One foot out.

The real world, where we still want to BE like the other girls and boys, let’s be honest, in some ways! Whether it’s wanting to look or appear a certain way, wanting to be accepted, wanting to be able to at least have the OPTION to pretend we can act like that, dance like that, talk like that, be cool like that, be ENOUGH.

And then the world which, if we’re fully honest with ourselves, we were born for.

The world where everything around us is irrelevant.
Where space and time cease to exist.
Where we go WITHIN.
And where we let out.
Everything we were always here for.

I don’t know about you, but THAT world is the world I live for.

Purpose first, always, before EVERYTHING.

And sometimes I feel like every other role I have to play in my life is just something I must endure, for as little time as possible, so I can get back into that world.

And when I’m IN that world I am happy, I am free, I am doing what I’m meant to do, I am ME, but at the same time, the more time passes, I feel the anxiety at knowing that at some point?

I must return to the other world.
Exit flow.
Play the game.
Head up.
Smile.
Exist.
Stay in the lines.

At some point I guess I just started to go outside the lines though. Because the thing with the world we WANT to live in, the world of purpose and passion and flow and CREATING, is that it’s not a world where practical human needs can be met.

There is no food there.
There is no shelter there.
There is no sleep there.
There is no consideration there, for the norms of society, for what we are expected to do, for the creation of what most would consider a LIFE.

What there is, is your fucking SOUL being at peace, which REALLY, is EVERYTHING, but still:

At some point you do inevitably have to exit stage right, and go play with the humans.

Which honestly … is just exhausting, most of the time. Eventually … you learn that there are others like you though. Others who, just like you, masquerade when needed, as a normal person. Others who, just like you, can float on by APPEARING to be one of THEM but who, actually, live on that same other plane as you do.

Eventually you learn it’s ok, to play outside the lines, to be you, even in THIS world.

One foot in.
The whole freaking mind heart soul out.

When you FIND those others HOLD THE FUCK ONTO THEM.

Just a tip.

So yeah … I don’t know if it was really that I didn’t feel WORTHY, or if it was, at a deeper level, just that I knew none of it mattered, that I wasn’t born for that world and so why pretend?

Either way though, it caused me to manufacture a lot of pain for myself, and in some cases for those around me, as I fought to keep that one foot in the normal person world, be like the other girls, do it right, fit in.

It was never going to work ANYWAY, I see that now.
I want to let you know that if you’re trying to keep your human world foot firmly planted, be like the others, do it right, fit in, YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL.

Do it fast.
Do it now.
INSIST on a soulmate life.

For me how it mostly manifested, has always been in my relationships.
One foot in, one foot out, doesn’t work so well, when it comes to relationships.

The crazy thing is, most of the time, I FELT like it was me who wanted to be all in, be loved, be accepted, please like me, say I matter, say I count!

Now I see …

The thing I was really lacking all that time was aligning myself to who I really WAS. I thought what I needed was for everybody else to love me, but all I actually needed was to love myself and ACCEPT what I came here to DO and ACCEPT that I was NEVER GOING TO FIT IN and ACCEPT that actually there are others like me where I WOULD fit in … so long as we can all back the fuck off from each other enough to let ourselves create, which of COURSE we can because we don’t LIVE IN THE NORMAL WORLD!

But it took me so long to realise this.
It took me, perhaps, until this very moment right now, or perhaps I’ll never really realise and I’ll always be one foot in.
One foot out.

You too, maybe.
I do actually think that those of us who are called this way, that one of the ‘curses’ that comes with our blessings is, we are born to wander and our souls will never rest.
I do actually think that even though this SOUNDS on the surface to be a tiring thing, it’s actually another blessing after all.

Keep on wandering.
Keep on seeking.
Keep on creating.
STAY FREE.

But for so long I really did try to play in the real world, the world THEY think is real. I wanted SO BADLY to be loved, so I turned to wherever I felt any hint of something that might BE love, because deep down I was terrified that me just being me would never be enough.

Who would WANT me, in all my madness, with my head so far in the clouds and my feet mostly trying to float away?

Plant your feet, Kat! Be like the other girls. Smile, laugh, fit in, and if somebody shows you any interest BE CAREFUL NOT TO ROCK THE BOAT!

I’m making it sound worse than it was, maybe. I think that the relationships and friendships I’ve had have been, mostly, 99% right and real.

But what do I say to you every day?
99% in.
Is 100% fucking out.

YOU DESERVE A SOULMATE LIFE. No, not soulmate LOVE, although YES, of course. But I’m talking about every.single.part. of your LIFE.

Because here is the thing that it took me ALL those years to figure out, and which maybe I’m still not clear on:

The reason you can’t keep that foot down in the ‘real’ world is that you WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO EVER BE PART OF IT ANYWAY.

YES you can play the game, when needed.
YES you can act the part.
But YES, you MUST first and foremost respond to what’s inside of you.

PURPOSE FIRST, ALWAYS.

So when you find yourself –
Worrying about not fitting in.
Struggling because you don’t feel accepted.
CAVING, because you wanted to feel normal, for a moment, prove on some level that you can BE LIKE THE OTHERS, that you are worthy, that you can be loved, enough.

REMEMBER:

THAT’S NOT THE VALIDATION YOU’RE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR.

Because REALLY, what this is all about, REALLY, the big point I’m trying to make?

The stuff you feel inside of you is real.
You, plain and simple, WERE born for more.
And your mission is NOT FOR THIS WORLD.

When you give yourself permission –
To be who you actually are –
And to stop desperately needing the critical acclaim of the NORMAL people –

You’ll find that you were always ALWAYS worthy and that all you had to do? Was what you thought you needed the rest of them to do.

Accept who you are.
EMBRACE THE MADNESS.
HUNT DOWN and hold onto the other crazy ones.
And NEVER stop wandering or dreaming, going where the flow takes you and FUCK THE WORLD.
You deserve a soulmate LIFE gorgeous.
Do whatever is fucking necessary to get it.