Health and Fitness

10 Steps to Guarantee You Never Ever Ever Get The Body You Want – A Must Read!

1. Demand perfection. 

ONLY perfection. Who are you to think you can be happy with even a smidge of unwanted fat, a dimple of cellulite? Had a baby and have a little teeny bit more jiggle than you used to? Clearly you just need to get more organised. More direction. Lipo? Look, if you want to create a body you love you simply must not rest until you sculpt the perfect physique. Look at your favourite celebrities, fitness models, icons. They’re stunning! Beyond perfection! And so must you be. They probably look that way year round. Effortlessly. Don’t give in – perfection can be use if you are only willing to pursue it.

Note: it’s very important, whilst on the road to perfection, to NEVER stop and acknowledge your smaller successes or reward yourself for how far you’ve come. Keep your eye on the prize!

2. Comparison. 

Comparison is VITAL if you’re serious about creating your best body and loving it. How on earth are you going to know what you’re doing wrong or how far you still have to go if you don’t compare yourself constantly? I suggest you make a list right now of all the things about other people, both on and offline, that make you feel inferior or incomplete. That’s a good starting point anyway. Be sure to avidly follow these people on social media so that you don’t accidentally start to feel happy just being you.

3. Weigh yourself daily. 

This is a no brainer! Every girl knows that the more you weigh in, the more you can get feedback on how much work you still have to do. I particularly insist that you weigh yourself in the week leading up to your period. Let’s face it – you can’t go into battle without knowing your enemy in full.

4. Clothes shopping.

Obviously, the absolute best time to make an overall monthly assessment of how you’re doing (-and to try on clothes or bathing suits) is in the few days before you’re period. Best to know the worst case scenario. Very motivating don’t you think?!

5. Food.

Listen, when it comes to how you eat we all know that you can’t be 100% clean all the time. Everyone has heard of treat meals right? But here’s how you should do it. Do NOT allow yourself regular treat or free meals, certainly not for special occasions. C’mon – nowadays you can eat clean at any restaurant or event. Rather than planning regular free meals (which some say will actually spike your metabolism and get you better results, but I don’t know about that), it’s best to hold out as long as you can. When you do eventually crack, eat as MUCH junk and sugar as you can possibly stuff down your gob in as short of a time as humanly possible.

Note: Ice cream is recommended as it is easy to fit in large amounts, but really you can go with whatever works for you. If you treat yourself like this when you really want it, you’ll wake up feeling just the right amount of shame and self loathing to motivate you to get back on track the next day.

6. Remember your goals, and why this is important to you.

You want to prove that your good enough, cool enough worthy enough, right? The truth is that until you DO have that perfect body you simply aren’t going to be accepted, loved or admired. Please don’t kid yourself that you can base your self love or worth on anything but the approval of others. And whilst achievements outside of the physical do have some merit, everyone knows it’s what’s outside that is REALLY counted.

7. Daily accountability.

Just a few quick tips that I’ve found very helpful. Always look in shop windows to check how fat you look as you walk past. And everytime you go to the bathroom lift your t-shirt to check if your stomach is flatter than the last hour. Something else I’ve found quite motivating is to never throw out old smaller size clothes, even if you’ve been carrying them around for 10 years. And by no means should you consider buying yourself nice new things until you reach your goal weight. You don’t deserve it yet, wouldn’t you rather enjoy the feeling of knowing you look and feel absolutely PERFECT when you do get there?

8. Focus.

It’s very important to stay focused on your goal, at the expense of other things that are (let’s face it) less meaningful. Be sure to redirect all conversations back to your body, your latest diet or training technique, and what your friends or the people you follow are doing or saying.

When out socially, encourage others to have desserts so you feel better. It’s okay to have a little chocolate session in private afterwards – or a big one – if you find that this sort of constant restriction creates a sense of urgency or despair. Better to get those emotions dealt with then ignore them, hmmm?

9. Beliefs and fears.

We all have reasons we believe we can’t be that girl, or fears about what it might mean to one day reach our goal of perfection. Please do NOT attempt to rid yourself of these fears or beliefs through journalling, joining an online community, any sort of coaching or by reading books about creating a mindset for success.

Remember: you are motivated by what you think. The more you think about how hard and scary it is the more you’ll be motivated to change your body and maybe one day you’ll even start believing you can! I think that’s how it works?

10. Punishment.

Sometimes you’ll be bad. Slip up. Sleep in instead of training. Do only a 20 minute workout instead of 30. This is not okay, not else’s you’re determined to be miserable forever.

Don’t kid yourself – it’s all or nothing in this game baby. Everytime you let yourself slip even a little from following an ideally very rigid plan I want you to weigh yourself 3x and then write down the total figure. Do you realise that’s what you are in danger of becoming if you let this sort of behaviour continue?

11. Commemoration

Under no circumstances should you consider any sort of commemoration like a photo shoot or wearing a bikini for the first time/first time in ages until you are truly ready.

Refer to point #1 if you require further clarification

In conclusion, I leave you with this useful mantra to save on your phone or desktop:

I am not where I want to be yet.

And I probably never will be.

I haven’t yet found the perfect diet or learned to listen to my body.

And maybe I never will.

I don’t have the genetics or time or natural motivation to ever be as fit and pretty as (insert some motivating names), and I’m addicted to sugar anyway so even if I got there I know I wouldn’t maintain it.

But despite all of this, and all the other reasons I’m not worthy of having a body I just love and feel confident in, I will absolutely and determinedly push on until I reach perfection. 

I CAN do it 

Can’t I?

Do YOU think I can? Hey did you hear about that new detox? Maybe I should try it. I think I’m going to start doing more cardio. If I fast for 2 days I might be able to lose 2 kilos by next Monday! Oh God, did you see how fat my stomach looked in that shop window? I just wish I could …