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Live Your Passion

GROWING UP, PLUGGING OUT

10 years ago, when I would sit down and have my morning triple-shot long macchiato, I would read the morning newspaper.

Now, when I see people reading the papers over their morning coffee, and I sit here usually reading something to do with quantum science (pretty much my go-to morning study topic for ages now, although I do read on many other areas most days too!), I pretty much feel like – ‘I wouldn’t even know how to do that anymore’.

To be a person who starts their day by filling their mind with the news, current affairs, local celebrations and woes.

Sometimes I feel like this simple shift in who I was and who I am is the single greatest indicator of why I just can’t engage in any more than a surface polite way with people who are not like US.

I’ve had relationships end over this.

Friendships fade away.

I’ve often felt frustrated with myself for not feeling able to stop being such a snob about it, for not managing to get out of my usual headspace and just connect with people where they’re at, for not putting my need to feed my soul aside for just a minute or two, or an hour or two, when I on occasion find myself surrounded by, well –

Normals.

The other parents at the school gate or in the playground …

The cashier’s chit-chat about how hard life is at the grocery store …

The women I was once such close friends with, who, when last I caught up with them, honestly just bored me to tears with their endlessly rotating conversation which went between husband stuff-school stuff-house stuff-kid stuff and then back again.

I don’t care.

I don’t WANT to care.

I used to care, apparently.

But then I woke up.

I’m aware of the possibly ‘I think I’m better, superior’ vibe which is coming through in what I’m saying here. Well, I feel self-conscious about it! So I guess it’s MY stuff. But I also think, for sure, people might read this and think, ‘gee Kat, stop polishing your spiritual crown for just a second!’

Or maybe your opinion is that I should at least GTF over myself and just be part of the conversation, when those conversations come up.

“Did you see such and such on the news? Omg! It’s SO BAD, an outrage, how could they, how did he, blah blah blah”

“Isn’t it TERRIBLE how high petrol prices have gone?”

“Can you believe it …?”

“Did you hear about …?”

“And then I said, and John said, and Martha said, and well, I just really think – !”

I don’t care.

I don’t WANT to care.

I don’t want to TRY to care.

And frankly, I’d rather poke my eyes out with chopsticks then have to have ANYONE in my life in any sort of ongoing sense who IS into this stuff.

Whatever I actually need to know about the news definitely travels into my consciousness at some point, but to actually spend my life focused on this stuff? Start my day with it? End it the same? Have it as a focal point of connection all THROUGH the day?

I’d say kill me now, but there’s no need, because the me who WAS tapped in to that life is already dead.

She left the building.

A LONG time ago.

And I think that sometimes … when I am doubting myself … when I feel worried that it is somehow bad or wrong to be this person, always wanting, demanding, NEEDING, seeking, so much more … I start to buy into an idea that I need to bring her back.

I tell myself that the solution (not sure to what!) is to plug back in to the system.

To learn how to smile, nod my head politely, talk like them, be like them.

Perhaps they’re happier … content? At peace? With who they are?

Maybe!

Well, the truth is, when I step aside from those occasional moments of fatigue or weariness at the never-ending demands of my soul, when I drop the emotional drama which at times creeps over me and makes me worried I’m NOT DOING LIFE RIGHT, actually I AM happy.

At peace.

Content with who I am.

And I know it’s aligned, the way I choose to live my life, unplugged, and who I choose to be!

Besides, let’s not pretend there’s a choice here. I am who I am. I can try to mask it … I DID try that … it did NOT work, and it also looked and felt like shit on me. I was a sad shell of a ghost-woman, whose eyes were constantly far far away. Only gotta look at photos of me to see how NOT okay I was back then!

But yet.

And yet.

And still yet.

I do question at times. Or I feel, perhaps, sad. That I’m no longer the girl who I used to be. That growing up and shifting eternally forward, being the person who is programmed to upgrade, who has programmed herself that way has cost me so many relationships.

It’s cost me marriages.

It’s cost me friendships.

It’s cost me the simple fucking ability to just be, in quite a lot of so-called normal social situations.

And I do wonder, is it right? That I have this quest which will never be met and that I just CAN’T with these people or things anymore, even when I think that I want to?

Well, mostly I don’t wonder at all!

But sometimes, sure.

The thing is though, I look back at that girl and she was so numb. So sad. So trapped in various forms of self-abuse and escape. So many things which had to be in place just to keep her head above water, keep her surviving in the wrong life!

This girl doesn’t need those things anymore … she’s not numb, and because of that she feels, sometimes, maybe too much.

She wants to cry for all that could have been and that she feels in some ways perhaps still should be.

She feels like she should somehow be able to be all things to all people, even though she knows that’s not true at all!

She judges herself a LOT at times! And other times is unapologetically and audaciously baring her naked EVERYTHING to the world!

She sees the superior /egotistical side of herself in gazing at people who over their morning coffee read the paper, and wondering how on earth they can be okay with that … don’t they have ANY desire to go within? Sure, maybe they’re then getting on with a day of soul-fuelled everything! But, probably not!

And then she berates herself for that judgement, who is she to decide which way of living is better!

But, she suspects … KNOWS, really … that these people are, for the very most part, not happy.

Not content.

Instead lost.

Searching.

But not even knowing they’re searching, not knowing that that’s what that feeling is, thinking instead that it’s a sleep deficiency … a wine deficiency … a substance deficiency … an escaping and numbing deficiency … or that they just need a holiday!

And she feels bad. That she can’t relate to them. That they can’t fill her up. That she can’t be content with them. She feels like she should try harder! Listen better! Be interested!

But,

They’re just not interesting.

And the truth is, that as much as she at times mourns the loss of the girl who she once was, that GIRL would now not be interesting to the woman she is today.

There’ll always be love.

There’ll always be gratitude.

There’ll always be acknowledgement, that the journey was exactly as it was meant to be.

But because there’ll also always be growth, no –

Never shall the twain meet again, even if they wanted to.

It wouldn’t work, and it’s not possible anyway.

It’s tiring sometimes, isn’t it? It can feel heavy at times … wearying … annoying … ‘why do I have to be like this, always searching, always wanting more and knowing it’s available?!’ It can feel like too hard work, and we imagine at times, being one of those Mums who just sits down with a cup of tea and watches the news, or reads a gossip magazine, or phones a friend and laments the state of SOMETHING …

And today I suppose I just came here to say, that it’s okay to feel weighed down on occasion, with the responsibility of all that you have chosen to be, call in, insist upon, and create.

It’s okay to feel like you’d like to take a day off and run away and work in a bookshop!

It’s okay to lament the leaving behind of the old you, the old life, the old relationships, and to wonder if you couldn’t have, if you shouldn’t have, if you should still maybe.

Because the thing you have to remember is … this IS the life you chose. It IS the one you were turning yourself towards long before you made it reality. It IS the one you want. And the vast majority of the time you never question it at all, how could or would you? Heck, the vast majority of the time you certainly don’t even notice what everyone else is doing or what the old you would have done, you’re so in your own bubble and flow zone.

But when you notice –

Or when it catches you and makes you think –

Or when you feel you need to QUESTION, that maybe you’re not doing it right, maybe you chose wrong –

Perhaps it’s just nothing more than that today is a day to question.

To wonder.

To notice.

To be UNCOMFORTABLE with who you are, for a minute.

Because the reality beneath THAT is, that when you then go within –

When you do some serious investigative soul interrogation as of course you DO, in order to make sure you’re being the right person, the answer is always simple. Clear. And precise:

This was always who you were going to be.

Yes, it was always going to ‘cost you’ elements of the previous you, and sometimes that’s painful. They don’t call it growing pains for no reason!

But imagine –

Just imagine –

The cost of remaining that old you.

Plugged in.

Unknowing.

Accepting.

Masked.

Numb.

‘Safe’ from her own SOUL.

Well. No fucking wonder they all harp so relentlessly on about the state of the world!

It’s either that or else having to face the truth of the horrible reality that you never became who you were meant to.

And God knows they’re not going to do that.

Just as you never did, back then.

And then one day you did.

And you knew –

I can never go back again.

That’s all.

 

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Rebel.
Upstart.
Fuck the system; screw the rules.
Won’t do what they told me.
Too much.
Unreasonable.
Ridiculous.
Unprofessional.
Crazy!

Should I go on? I could, but I think you get the picture.

You’re the one who is not only not like the other PEOPLE, you’re also not like the other entrepreneurs.

They, they actually think they’re different; non-conformists?! Don’t make me laugh. You and I both see it as it is:

They just wanna be told how to build a pretty little website and a pretty little social media page or three and a pretty little online product or course and get their pretty little headshots and do a pretty little pre-scripted dance all over the internet so that other equally pretty fucking bland and boring and same same-y peoples pay them money,

And they can all sit in a pretty little womans circle together patting each other linking elbows and stroking each others hair and singing Kumbaya as the sun sets over another day of sinking ever deeper into the unremarkableness that is their lives.

They are the ones who are not only willing to jump through hoops, they also want to build more hoops for other people; they want to perpetuate the hoop jumping life and their whole sales pitch is basically some version of “I will help you to have a better and shinier hoop, come see!”

lolol

BUT REALLY.

Meanwhile, you –

You’ve tried the hoop-jumping life, maybe more than what you care to admit. And, whilst you’ve nothing against sitting around with other ladeez and stroking each others hair, you and your girls; the real ones?

You don’t exactly fit in in the typical woman’s circle.

You don’t feel at home with the pretty-preneurs, not even on the internet let alone in real life.

You don’t actually GIVE a fuck about having all your shit perfect,

Polished,

And just so –

And the idea of having sales and marketing and content processes which you have to systematically pre-plan and then work through and endlessly join dots with?

Makes you want to hurl.

Sure –

You’ve bought in at times to do the idea that maybe you DO gotta do it as they say.

An automated webinar, perhaps?? Facebook ads which carefully and smartly tell the world who you are and how you can help? A sales plan proven and tested by the greats. The gradual sinking slow decline of your soul, your joy, your dreams, and even your pussy as everything within you that once knew she could HAVE IT ALL AND DO LIFE HER WAY SLOWLY DRIES,

WITHERS TO NOTHING,

AND DIES?

Sure –

Why not

And look.

It’s not that any of these things are bad or wrong. Maybe right now you’ve got to a certain point by playing by the rules … kind of. Following what ‘logic’ suggests you do. Breaking free here and there with wild little jaunts into over the top madness, noticing how THAT lights you up and also how people respond to it … but ultimately continuing to go back to trying to find the right fucking system to get you to where you want to go,

Because this thing of trying to just be you interspersed with trying to get it all right and make it work, well –

It’s God damn tiring –

But also, in the end, if we’re going to be black and white about it, it hasn’t got you to where you want to be!!

You KNOW you should be making SO much more money.

NOW.

With consistency, and yeah, while of course of COURSE you’re down for doing the work, you also feel like it SHOULD be a lot easier, more flow

And you know that you know that you know that you’ve still not let out the most unrestrained and fully expressed side of you!

– The you they can’t look away from
– The you they are MAGNETIZED by
– The you who automatically commands a huge freakin’ following, and sales to match it

You know who I’m talking about –

THE MILLIONAIRE REBEL YOU!

Starting January 18th!

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

The revolutionary fucking leader who tears SHREDS off of normal every damn day before the rest of the world has barely sipped its coffee!

Who is FULLY unleashed in what she says, how she shows up, how she does business, how she does life.

Who does not give a fuck about following rules! Or sales systems! Or strategies! Who can and will do what works for HER, and if it happens to resemble other ways people build an audience and make a fuckload of money online, cool, and if not, so what! That is not the point! The point is –

She knows what works for her.
She backs herself unapologetically.
She DOES it.

And she gets the damn results. The BIG results. The CONSISTENT results. The FUCK yes results, not just with money but with the VIBERY of it all.

Imagine …

Waking up every day and KNOWING you have crushed the day before it already begun because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ROLL!

* Your shit sells (at any and all price point)
* Your creativity and inner ideas machine flows endlessly (you always know what to put out into the world and that when you speak people PAUSE EVERYTHING AND LISTEN, whether it is with free content and shenaniganery or with your paid stuff)
* You don’t even have to think about low end or high end or how to take people through a value ladder or some such bullshit, the value ladder is YOU CONTINUING TO BE YOU, and the more that you DO you the more people just take themselves through whatever it is you’re offering!
* It is easy, natural, fun, and OBVIOUS how to build your automated income, funnels, the ‘cash machine’ side of your business.
* In fact the whole damn thing feels fun and easy and like you’re just being you (the full on you, the too much you, the rebel you, the fuck all of ’em THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR AND NOW I’M GONNA TELL YOU you!),
* and at the same time you have the DEEPLY grounded and certain knowledge that the way you’re doing it, hot mess and chaos vibes and all, is WORKING. PS – the reason you feel certain of this is because your bank balance and soulmate audience and their feedback reflects it, not bc your spirit guides told you it’s coming

All of this is ALREADY available to you.

It is who you are and what you were born for.

You did not come here for normal!

You are one of the truly crazy ones, who has something inside of her that will leave the world BREATHLESS –
and allow her to make millions and impact millions –

BUT NOT IF SHE CONTINUES TO DO BUSINESS AND LIFE BY TRYING TO SOMEHOW BE A NON-CONFORMIST WHO CONTINUALLY CAVES AND CONFORMS.

For this to work,

REALLY work, like next next NEXT level $ and life flow work,
you’re going to need to FULLY turn your back on the idea that your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of you adjusting, filtering, compromising, playing the game the way the other entrepreneurs are playing it, or worrying about what the fuck your social media looks like!

What you’re going to need to do is simple:

FLICK THE DAMN REBEL MILLIONAIRE SWITCH BABY.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

All in on madness.
All in on crazy.
All in on chaos.
All in on the TRUE epic awesome ridiculousness and too much-ness of YOU.

REBEL MILLIONAIRE

Starting January 18th!

For those who were born to run the damn thing,

To turn the world on its head and dance on top of it,

And who are ready to do just that.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/