“I HAVE NO TRUE SENSE OF SELF”
I just found 3 tiny pages of journal writing, each page not even as big as your phone screen, that I think I wrote back in about 2005.
I’ve been clearing out my messy AF study, which is going to be converted into a studio / filming space plus actually USED as a study (imagine!) rather than a dumping ground for earlier life paraphernalia and boxes of random crap.
This morning I sat down with my daughter to sort through all my old jewellery, unearthing a few pieces of family treasure along the way, and seeing what Alyssa wanted to keep for herself.
And there, tucked away with an old wedding band, were these 3 little pages. Ripped out of a waitresses pad; obviously I must have gone out that day without my journal; was out of the journaling habit a little, from what I wrote.
You know when something just takes your breath away, reminds you of who and what you always were, leaves you in a kind of awe that you’ve forgotten just how far you’ve come, while simultaneously marvelling once more at JUST how fucking powerful our words and thoughts are?
Yeah … that!!
I wrote –
“I’m not sure what to write write write until something useful comes out. I don’t know who I am, do I? Don’t entirely know what that even means! How do I definite who I am?”
^^^ as if that didn’t blow me away enough, given that who I AM currently in my life is one of the people who MOST in this world knows who TF she is, and lives it, check THIS out, the first sentence especially … my literal LIFE now … but then the rest – !
“I want to be a writer, sit in cafes and create ‘magic’ with words. Get paid to write! But what? Small wonder I can’t find anything to write about when I have no true sense of self.
What really lies beneath the surface of ‘me?’ How can I give my view or opinion or construct anything that gets to the core of people when I’ve no real understanding of who I am? I feel that the way I package and present myself is little more than a reflection of what I think the world needs to see me as. Have I rebelled against my true personality in order to create my image as it is today? …
I’ve stopped valuing the qualities of me and my world, dismissing them as unimportantly t or valueless, and instead drawn closer to everything that has nothing to do with who I am!
But how ridiculous – and WHY?
Why do I want to remodel myself as the opposite of who I am? And no wonder I feel tired from my life, stressed, unsatisfied with how I spend my time. Why do I have such low regard for who I am that I have to pretend to be the opposite?”
All I could think reading this was WOW, and at the same time – of COURSE!
Of COURSE I now AM a writer, who sits in cafes, and creates ‘magic’ with words, gets paid to write and be her, just as I wrote I wanted to be!
We are always adjusting ourselves into alignment with that internal compass.
It’s calling us home since the moment we are born.
It’s calling YOU home, right now!
And of course I found my sense of self. My ‘what to say’ and ‘who to be’. And my permission FROM self to be who I am. Why? A lot of the why of how I got here is simply because, from years back, I was willing to be the observer of my own self. To acknowledge what I was not happy with, and, even if I didn’t know the way out, to start with the small simple INTENTION that things might one day be different.
All it really takes is continual observation, continual applied pressure, continually keeping your eyes fixed on where it is you desire to be! And maybe a lil bit of getting the fuck over yourself and acting FROM faith, even when you don’t feel like it.
But it definitely does NOT take having to ‘figure it all out’, you know?
Which brings me to this –
Do you ever look at your mentors or coaches and wonder how they seem to do it all, or have it all figured out?
I know I did that, all the time!
And for years I told myself – even though I didn’t really acknowledge I was doing this – that they clearly had something I didn’t have. Better luck, maybe, or maybe they were just better PEOPLE. I looked at those who I admired and WISHED I could one day evolve to be like them, but what I didn’t recognise was that I was ALREADY like them, just not as far along on the journey.
I can tell you for a fact – everybody who you admire or look up to has been through the same shit as you have, fought similar battles, had those same moments of wondering if they will EVER make it. Questioned their sense of self, and if they even knew where to start!
I sure have! As you’ve just seen, written proof no less! For a long time there I seriously started to question what I’d always thought was my DESTINY. Maybe I wasn’t really going to EVER make it?
But, despite the fear and the self-doubt and the VERY many mistakes, I did. And here I am. Completely living and loving my dream business, life and lifestyle. Knowing I am making the difference I’m meant to make in the world, creating true and lasting riches in ALL areas not just financially, and living a life many wouldn’t even dream of.
But you do dream of it, of living YOUR dream life, don’t you?
And you know that you can.
As of today, I’m opening up the doors to my Inner Circle, my 12 month private client mastermind. The most badass high level mastermind in the world for women who want it all – and are prepared to do what it takes to get it! Really what we’re talking about is being prepared to be the PERSON.
And that’s what I do. I help you remember ALL that you were, and then become it. ALL Of it.
This is my highest level private mentoring circle. The exact place where I have personally mentored dozens of this industry’s most elite female entrepreneurs to break income barriers ranging from 10k months to multiple 7 FIGURE months, and everything in between. But more importantly than that – to become who and what they always were.
But know that this is not only (obviously) not just for the masses, this is also not just for someone who can afford to invest in a high level private coach. Being willing to throw money down is something which has absolutely zero correlation to being somebody who has what it takes to TRULY go next level as a leader.
If anything, in this industry, investing in a high level coach such as myself, is a rite of passage which veers just a little too much on the side of ‘trend’. It’s become something which ‘everybody does’, almost as a way of proving they play business and life a certain way.
Maybe even of trying to prove it to themselves.
Here is the reality which those who I am truly here to personally mentor and lead KNOW, the reality which my clients and all women like me as well as of course me personally have ALWAYS known:
We are VERY VERY DIFFERENT.
We are simply, smarter, faster, and have more presence. We can do more in our minds before breakfast than what most people can do in a freakin’ WEEK, a month, a year.
We are not basic ass coaches trying to heave ho our way up a few extra thou a month.
This is not arrogance, this is fact.
And there has NEVER been any question but that we will go all the way.
My clients are high level badasses who do the work, who have a proven track record BEFORE coming to me, and a BEING-ness which unquestionably separates them from the rest. They don’t come to me to save them or lean down and hold my hand out so they can clamber up. They come because they are, quite simply, ready to go to the next level, already absolutely on their WAY there, and see in me something which they recognise because it is in them.
That ‘can’t stop won’t stop’ fire, and a level of ‘unapologeticness’ which, when truly understood and applied, can literally be the difference between 5-figure or low 6-figure and 7 or multi-7-figure entrepreneur.
So if you know who you are and it is THAT –
And you feel certain that you are ALREADY well on your way to to precisely where you’re meant to be, but that being in MY energy could help you to drop in and get there even faster, and that with a couple of simple tweaks your current revenue could be doubling, tripling, heck QUADRUPLING and beyond in months, as it has done with numerous of my clients previously, well then –
PM me and we’ll see if it’s a fit. I’m excited to talk to you, and maybe – do biz and life with you.
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