IT’S ALL JUST A GAME OF REMEMBERING…
If you’re struggling to feel connected, and you don’t know what to strive for anymore, it feels like you’ve either lost sight of your true dreams and visions or else you’ve already ACHIEVED most of them; at least the stuff you for so long held at arms length and felt not good enough for …
And now you’re floating, you’re unsure, for your entire life you’ve lived with that PRESSURE, you know …?
And it’s so weird! It’s just so odd, to all of a sudden not have anything you HAVE to push for, go for, DRIVE for, you were treading water for years! For all of eternity! It was your REALITY, to be right on the edge of sinking, at any moment in time about to go under and not come up again, and yet somehow you would always manage to pull a rabbit out of a hat at the last minute!
You wore that badge of honour with PRIDE, God damnit, there was fun, and adventure, and thrills, and chills, attached to having to MAKE FUCKING MAGIC at the final dying gasp of breath just in order to survive! And as much as you wanted to get away from it, you hated it, you felt like it was unfair, and it wasn’t supposed to BE like that, you KNEW you were born for more and would one day achieve it all, you still got yourself just a lil bit hooked on it, didn’t you now?
You longed for and dreamed of and journaled about the time when money would flow freely, when your soulmate clients would sign YOU up, and be there for you on tap, when everything would be exactly the way you’d always known it should be, and you’d have the body as well, the badass crib, too, the cool as fuck EVERYTHING, really.
The ‘have it all life’, the one you always KNEW was available!
Now – ?
It’s there, or it’s nearly there, or perhaps you’re not quite at all there yet, and so sure, there’s still more to strive for (always!), but yet something is different now …
It’s hard to put a finger on …
You can’t QUITE figure out, what IS that weird feeling?
That finally, and fully, even though there is still SO much yet to come, you can hand on your heart say you KNOW you’re on track.
You feel … safe.
You feel … sure.
You feel … certain.
It’s … exactly what you always longed for and spent LITERALLY DECADES WORKING TOWARDS.
It’s … brilliant …?
Let’s be honest now:
It’s slightly motherfucking disturbing, is what it is!
lolololol, of COURSE you would be the one who gets everything she wants and then feels unsettled, lost, adrift – ‘if I have everything I always wanted and knew was meant to be … if I now have CERTAINTY and absolute faith even about the things I do NOT yet have … then WHO THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO BE NOW, AND WHAT DO I DOOOOOO?’
It’s a conundrum.
Is what it is.
It’s DEFINITELY scary.
After all, you’ve KINDA BEEN HERE BEFORE, and what happened, well – !
What happened was SABOTAGE.
Crash it down!
Crash it further!
Crash it MOOOOOOORRREEEEE, and then WATCH ME RISE FROM THE ASHES LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL, BITCHES !
I am familiar with the ego and the RUSH of being able to do that!
I did THAT shit for years too!
But eventually I guess I just got TIRED of the same old pattern, like, really? You gonna keep on running that script, ooooo-kay.
And I decided –
Done with that.
Well then, which is NOW, I did it!
And found myself afloat, as the post is telling you. Oh, you thought I was talking about you? Hahahah – it’s ALWAYS ABOUT ME BABY. This is The Katrina Ruth Show, didn’t you know?!
And here is what I realised, this morning, as I dived into this in my morning practice, my beautiful gold leaf journal the vessel to allow the truth to pour forth.
What I REALISED, was that now it’s time to ALLOW.
There is nothing else for me to do, actually there never was anything else for me to do, it was always just about being.
It is done.
But it sure as fuck ain’t finished, and so from here?
Deeper into me, deeper into being.
I didn’t allow –
Even though I did ALL the work –
Because I didn’t know who I would or could be if I had.
Now, I am safe to allow.
I am READY to allow.
And perhaps for the first time ever I realise, that oh – !
How … startling!
All of the things I’ve been working like a DERVISH at doing all this time, which I thought I was doing to get a result, I am ACTUALLY JUST DOING BECAUSE THAT’S WHO I AM MEANT TO BE.
I was born to serve.
I was born to create.
I was born to POUR FORTH.
But for years I did it ’cause I thought I had to, to keep my head above water …
And once I got myself to ‘free’, I felt so worried, what would I now strive for, what would my adrenalin rush BEEEEE? Maybe I should ruin the whole thing, just so I got something to start again with!
Maybe you can relate?
Do you know what it is?
Do you know what you’re missing?
Do you know what I realised?
I now get to remember who I was always here to be.
That was the whole point of the whole point the whole time.
The purpose of purpose is purpose.
The art is to unleash purely for the arts sake.
The message is just about the message.
And the reason to be you?
And actually that is enough,
And will fill you up and excite you,
You were born with the blueprint baby.
So today –
Don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.