MAYBE THIS IS ALL YOU GET
“But maybe how it plays out for ME is – this is what you get Kat. You got to meet the man, the beyond EVERYTHING man, the man where before the two of you even met you both knew it was always the other, but actually what YOU get is a digital relationship. Had that time in person to confirm it all first! Now – Zoom wedding and Zoom Daddy’ing is where it’s gon’ be at because THE WORLD HAS CHANGED FOREVER AND YOU ARE SCREWED”
I looked at Seraphina across the table, explaining why basically it was obvious that this is just what I have to accept.
“Yeah, right”, she said.
“I’m sure God brought you together with the man He had in store for you, let you guys meet and hang for a bit, and then the pandemic happened causing you to be locked in separate countries for 6 months so far and now he is NEVER GOING TO LET YOU SEE HIM AGAIN.
God’s just all … ‘here you go, here is everything you’ve been waiting for for your entire life, it’s real, beyond even your wildest imagination, I’m finally bringing it for you but hmm, actually, you know what? Nahhh … TRICKS!”
We both started laughing our heads off, because the visual of God up there playing with my life and chuckling away at what a good one it was that He tricked me into thinking I actually got to have it that good was, well –
ridiculous.
AS IF IT’S GOING TO PLAY OUT THAT WAY.
lololol, that’s not how life works, but yet at the same time, off and on for MONTHS now, and I’m gonna admit it, still, and probably right up to the moment I’m in my man’s arms again for the first time in HEAVENS knows how long (nearly 200 days so far and counting!), there is still going to be that part of me worrying –
“But maybe I’m not good enough. Lucky enough. Worth it enough. Maybe how it plays out for ME is the zoom lovin’ and that’s it!” (WhatsApp lovin’ if we’re getting technical)
And it feels so real, you know?
The fear.
Yesterday I was on a call with one of my private long-term mentoring clients,
, who is a badass extraordinaire in ALL the ways, and she expressed her fears that she’d basically ‘lost it’.
I thought about this seriously, obviously I think about anything my clients say to me seriously.
“So basically you’re going to be a coffee blogger now? I’d follow you!”
Hahahahah we both cracked up laughing. I mean – I love a good coffee blog! Coffee porn for the win!
“So .. let’s play this out. Let’s imagine God, life, is like – yep Davina, this is what you get. For the rest of your days all that will come out of you is coffee photos. DOES THAT FEEL REAL TO YOU? Like, if life came along in the form of a person, and told you ‘here is your new job, you have no choice’, what would you KNOW?”
“I would know that it’s not true”.
“Right”, I said.
So, tell me –
What were you born for?”
She answered immediately – “I was born to change the world”.
I’m paraphrasing. But – big shit that heals and shifts people in a big way. NO DOUBT.
And that’s the thing, isn’t it?
When you put aside fear, and doubt, and what if this, and what if that, and why would I EVER BE THAT LUCKY, how could my life get to be that good, you DO KNOW.
You know:
That what you feel inside of you is real.
That the wildest dreams or fantasies or imaginings you have are a signpost.
That EVERYTHING you see or are shown or even get a whisper of is available, available for you, available now.
Beneath the layers of uncertainty, and the natural human worry of missing out, of have life prove we aren’t even worthy of existing, of (let’s call it as it is) THE VOICE OF THE DEVIL TRYING TO SWAY AND DESTROY YOU, there is a place where you are calm.
Still.
And absolute.
Where you go into your most LONGED for crazy dreams, the ones you perhaps MOST hold at arms length from yourself because ‘how could my life be so good?’, and where you feel rock.hard.TRUTH.
THIS is for me.
And THIS.
And this as well!
Because I was born for it, worthy, always allowed?
Sure. But really? BECAUSE YOU FELT THE DAMN FEAR AND DOUBT AND ATTEMPTS TO TEAR YOU APART AND THEN YOU JUST CHOSE IT ANYWAY. Cool as a cucumber baby.
You know … I made it to where I was already making millions of dollars each year, fully on my terms and doing my DEEPEST soul work, and there was a part of me that STILl didn’t believe I could ‘have it that good’, and live my dreams.
So it’s not that you need to be without fear or doubt.
It’s that you GET to do the damn thing anyway.
And imagine!
Just imagine.
If from this moment forward the rule was simple:
I say yes to what I see inside of me.
No matter what.
The End.
NOW GO GET YOUR LIFE.
God is up there WAITING for YOU.
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