AND NOW I WILL JUST SIT

When you feel as though nothing is going your way, you’re grumpy and moody and the whole world is conspiring against you, random shit just keeps happening and it is all just SO fucking annoying and whyyyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeee, perhaps the answer, you’ll finally see, is to just sit

For a moment
A heartbeat
An hour
Or even a day

And notice, how committed you are to your story of having to do it right, get things right, show up a certain way, be a certain type of person, have things in place just so, or even, your story of having to be in flow

And you could ask yourself, in this moment –

Is this useful?
Does this really serve me?
To be DEPENDENT upon even an energy state? To be needy of it, such that if you’re not ‘feeling it’, or if things ‘go wrong’, you feel attacked, compromised, and ‘woe is me’ at the idea that now you can’t FEEL what you need to feel, God damnit, and the WHOLE DAY JUST GOT HARDER.

It’s uncomfortable, squirm-making, to notice our flawed thinking, isn’t it?

To notice how we get attached even to the idea of not being attached, how we actually take ourselves OUT of the present moment at times by so desperately trying to do the flow things in order to get to the flow STATE.

And life will say to you, when you do this, it has a way of holding up its hand to you, when you do this, it will even LAUGH at you, when you do this, and it will say –

Stop.

‘But no!’ You’ll insist. And ‘I won’t!’, you will cry. And ‘I must push through!’, you will say, even as your heart sinks down down down and you feel ever MORE disconnected, like you can’t put your finger on what’s missing and it’s SO damn annoying.

And then. Inevitably. Some shit is gonna happen to shut you the fuck up or to finally FORCE you into surrender.

You’ll break your computer 
There’ll be a couple of earthquakes 
You’ll start losing your voice 
You’ll finally feel like you kicked the situations ass because you wrote a DAMN good blog post and you can’t wait to press publish and then it just magically DISAFUCKINGPEARS 
You’ll be in the most beautiful place on earth but just feel kind of SHITTY about it 
You’ll feel like an ungrateful asshole and tell yourself to snap out of it, just CHOOSE to be back in flow, but yet the discontent will still be there 

And eventually,
Finally,
After all the pushing and all the forcing and all the insistence on MAKING shit happen or MAKING yourself feel good, and it still.not.working, just not quite TAKING, finally you will realise that there’s nothing else to do

Nothing worth pushing for right now

Nothing to grasp onto, or try to lift yourself with

And that perhaps the answer
The only answer
Is to finally just pause
And sit

And you will look around

Eyes wide open at the beauty and the depth and the perfection of this moment right here, and realise…

Huh.

There was never anything I needed to do in order to fully BE

And that sometimes the BEing is uncomfortable, it’s annoying, it’s NOT flow…

Or that maybe it’s just that flows has its ebbs, same as anything

Either way, as always, the truth is where it has always been

Go within

Seek

Ask

Knock

Expect

Repeat

You’ll always find your way back again, because really – how can you lose the flow when you are the motherfucking flow?

That’s all…

And also,

Of course,

I love you

 

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