By using thekatrinaruthshow.com, you consent to our use of cookies.

Purpose

ON THE DAYS WHEN I DOUBT MYSELF

On the days when I doubt myself I can sit here for endless time, my heart heavy and my limbs weak, and my shoulders slumped as I think about all of the reasons why I should not write, today.

The stuff I write is so repetitive … maybe I should write less often, and try to have a bigger impact with each piece? Maybe I’m just not getting to the PAIN that needs to really be there for a piece to stand out, for it to tug at you, pull at you, speak to you, CHANGE you.

And besides – I wrote twice yesterday, anyway. I don’t HAVE to write again this morning. I could take ONE FUCKING MORNING OFF, and that’s okay, that’s okay, nobody would JUDGE me for it.

(Except.
Of course.
For me).

On the days when I doubt myself I find myself wondering what is even the POINT, why IS it that I share these daily ramblings on Facebook? Who the hell do I think I am! I just found out somebody I really respect unfriended me, I realised I wasn’t seeing his posts anymore and went to check and of course I wonder what I ‘did’ or if it’s simply because I’m SO FUCKING ANNOYING with all my continual ra ra and hype and my long ranty posts.

On the days when I doubt myself I sit here –

And I stare into my coffee –

And I think:

I’m kidding myself, maybe? This whole idea of create every day, show up every day, unleash every day. This thought that I have that I am the BEST FUCKING WRITER IN THE WORLD, how insanely ARROGANT of me and perhaps I should be walking around actively thinking I am TERRIBLE, AWFUL, CLUMSY and I have SO much still to learn!

 

(But yet …

… Mohammad Ali said he was the best in the world … long before he was … he WROTE that freakin’ reality and lived into it!)


Still. I bet that everybody who follows me, or at least a good chunk of ’em, think I am INSANELY arrogant, deluded, crazy, and that’s probably why that guy unfriended me! I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a whole behind the scenes of people talking about the deluded wannabe that is Katrina Ruth, laughing at me behind their hands at events or just from across the internet.

The truth is I’ve still never felt good enough, accepted, cool enough, one of them. My default is I expect people not to like me, I always have done. I definitely expect ‘cool’ people to not accept me. I am surprised when they often do.

And these are the things that haunt me, as I sit here, on a day when I doubt myself.

And with each second that passes I sink more into myself and I talk myself out of showing up, out of practicing what I preach, out of being who I SAID I came here to be.

On the days when I doubt myself I can almost believe –

I should shut down the whole thing.
Walk away, no RUN, and STOP THE LAUGHTER.
And go and work –
Perhaps –
In a bookstore.
In a town.
On the coast.
With a blanket.
And a cat.
And a quiet.
Safe.
Little.
Life.

But yet …

As I sit here –

And all of this passes over me and through me and I am slumped and my energy is low and perhaps I even will NOT go workout today maybe I should go back home (yes at 10am!) and have a NAP, something within me pulls at me –

Tugs at me –

Whispers to me –

No.
This isn’t what you actually believe Kat.

Firstly: you ARE going to show the fuck up anyway so drink your coffee and sit up straight and dig the fuck WITHIN and let SOMETHING out ANYTHING out no matter how AWFUL it is out because we ALL freakin’ know –

 

You are who you say you are and who you are is that you show the fuck UP.

And actually I think that those who don’t like me, if that’s even true and if they WOULD laugh at me, are in fact triggered by me.

And I am a light.
Shining TOO harsh at times in front of them, reminding them of who they’re NOT being, of where they’re NOT aligning.

So fuck it and GOOD. I’ll carry on…

And then: as for this thing of not being good enough not being worthy and maybe you SUCK, well actually?

You just don’t believe that.
And there it is.
And you can call it arrogant or deluded or INSANE, if you like, but there it fucking IS.
You believe you are the best.
Admit it.
You believe you were born to lead.
Remember that.
You believe you came here to unleash a fucking REVOLUTION and that unless you suddenly decide to WALK AWAY LIKE A SCARED LITTLE PANDA you ARE in fact going to do what you’ve always been gunna do and what you already DO do which is –

Quite simply –

To run this thing.
And run this thing.
And run this thing.

And perhaps –

On these days when you doubt yourself –

The answer –

Is to simply. Put pen to paper. Begin. Write about what you’re FEELING. As you preach. Show the fuck up ANYWAY. As you teach. Share the truth of what is REAL right now and that is ALL and that is ENOUGH and that is –

In fact –

The entire.
Fucking.
Point.

Isn’t it?

So on this day when you DOUBT yourself and you want to RUN and HIDE and surely it doesn’t MATTER if you skip one day and perhaps EVERYTHING YOU FEEL INSIDE OF YOU is BULLSHIT and you’re nothing nothing NOTHING and you’re just constructing a silly –

Little –
Girl –
FACADE of a life –

You PUT on your fucking anthem.
You DRINK your fucking coffee.
You GRIT your fucking teeth.
You PRACTICE what you preach.
You REMIND yourself of who you fucking are. And what you came here to do. And that nobody ever SAID it would be easy. And that FLOW freaking comes from STRUGGLE.

And you get.
To fucking.
Work.

On the days when I doubt myself.
I show up and write anyway.

For my art.
For my soul.
For you.
And simply?

 

Because I fucking COMMITTED, a very long time ago, that no matter what?

I’d never stop.

On the days when I doubt myself I simply look within.

And I write about it.

On the days when I doubt myself, I go to bed at night proud of myself because once again –

I stared into the eye of the beast –
And once again –

I didn’t let it EAT me.

And for another day, I stayed true to me.

And so I continue, on and on and when the struggle will end will be, perhaps, when I die.

So here we are.
And here am I.

And then?

I made this.

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Rebel.
Upstart.
Fuck the system; screw the rules.
Won’t do what they told me.
Too much.
Unreasonable.
Ridiculous.
Unprofessional.
Crazy!

Should I go on? I could, but I think you get the picture.

You’re the one who is not only not like the other PEOPLE, you’re also not like the other entrepreneurs.

They, they actually think they’re different; non-conformists?! Don’t make me laugh. You and I both see it as it is:

They just wanna be told how to build a pretty little website and a pretty little social media page or three and a pretty little online product or course and get their pretty little headshots and do a pretty little pre-scripted dance all over the internet so that other equally pretty fucking bland and boring and same same-y peoples pay them money,

And they can all sit in a pretty little womans circle together patting each other linking elbows and stroking each others hair and singing Kumbaya as the sun sets over another day of sinking ever deeper into the unremarkableness that is their lives.

They are the ones who are not only willing to jump through hoops, they also want to build more hoops for other people; they want to perpetuate the hoop jumping life and their whole sales pitch is basically some version of “I will help you to have a better and shinier hoop, come see!”

lolol

BUT REALLY.

Meanwhile, you –

You’ve tried the hoop-jumping life, maybe more than what you care to admit. And, whilst you’ve nothing against sitting around with other ladeez and stroking each others hair, you and your girls; the real ones?

You don’t exactly fit in in the typical woman’s circle.

You don’t feel at home with the pretty-preneurs, not even on the internet let alone in real life.

You don’t actually GIVE a fuck about having all your shit perfect,

Polished,

And just so –

And the idea of having sales and marketing and content processes which you have to systematically pre-plan and then work through and endlessly join dots with?

Makes you want to hurl.

Sure –

You’ve bought in at times to do the idea that maybe you DO gotta do it as they say.

An automated webinar, perhaps?? Facebook ads which carefully and smartly tell the world who you are and how you can help? A sales plan proven and tested by the greats. The gradual sinking slow decline of your soul, your joy, your dreams, and even your pussy as everything within you that once knew she could HAVE IT ALL AND DO LIFE HER WAY SLOWLY DRIES,

WITHERS TO NOTHING,

AND DIES?

Sure –

Why not

And look.

It’s not that any of these things are bad or wrong. Maybe right now you’ve got to a certain point by playing by the rules … kind of. Following what ‘logic’ suggests you do. Breaking free here and there with wild little jaunts into over the top madness, noticing how THAT lights you up and also how people respond to it … but ultimately continuing to go back to trying to find the right fucking system to get you to where you want to go,

Because this thing of trying to just be you interspersed with trying to get it all right and make it work, well –

It’s God damn tiring –

But also, in the end, if we’re going to be black and white about it, it hasn’t got you to where you want to be!!

You KNOW you should be making SO much more money.

NOW.

With consistency, and yeah, while of course of COURSE you’re down for doing the work, you also feel like it SHOULD be a lot easier, more flow

And you know that you know that you know that you’ve still not let out the most unrestrained and fully expressed side of you!

– The you they can’t look away from
– The you they are MAGNETIZED by
– The you who automatically commands a huge freakin’ following, and sales to match it

You know who I’m talking about –

THE MILLIONAIRE REBEL YOU!

Starting January 18th!

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

The revolutionary fucking leader who tears SHREDS off of normal every damn day before the rest of the world has barely sipped its coffee!

Who is FULLY unleashed in what she says, how she shows up, how she does business, how she does life.

Who does not give a fuck about following rules! Or sales systems! Or strategies! Who can and will do what works for HER, and if it happens to resemble other ways people build an audience and make a fuckload of money online, cool, and if not, so what! That is not the point! The point is –

She knows what works for her.
She backs herself unapologetically.
She DOES it.

And she gets the damn results. The BIG results. The CONSISTENT results. The FUCK yes results, not just with money but with the VIBERY of it all.

Imagine …

Waking up every day and KNOWING you have crushed the day before it already begun because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ROLL!

* Your shit sells (at any and all price point)
* Your creativity and inner ideas machine flows endlessly (you always know what to put out into the world and that when you speak people PAUSE EVERYTHING AND LISTEN, whether it is with free content and shenaniganery or with your paid stuff)
* You don’t even have to think about low end or high end or how to take people through a value ladder or some such bullshit, the value ladder is YOU CONTINUING TO BE YOU, and the more that you DO you the more people just take themselves through whatever it is you’re offering!
* It is easy, natural, fun, and OBVIOUS how to build your automated income, funnels, the ‘cash machine’ side of your business.
* In fact the whole damn thing feels fun and easy and like you’re just being you (the full on you, the too much you, the rebel you, the fuck all of ’em THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR AND NOW I’M GONNA TELL YOU you!),
* and at the same time you have the DEEPLY grounded and certain knowledge that the way you’re doing it, hot mess and chaos vibes and all, is WORKING. PS – the reason you feel certain of this is because your bank balance and soulmate audience and their feedback reflects it, not bc your spirit guides told you it’s coming

All of this is ALREADY available to you.

It is who you are and what you were born for.

You did not come here for normal!

You are one of the truly crazy ones, who has something inside of her that will leave the world BREATHLESS –
and allow her to make millions and impact millions –

BUT NOT IF SHE CONTINUES TO DO BUSINESS AND LIFE BY TRYING TO SOMEHOW BE A NON-CONFORMIST WHO CONTINUALLY CAVES AND CONFORMS.

For this to work,

REALLY work, like next next NEXT level $ and life flow work,
you’re going to need to FULLY turn your back on the idea that your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of you adjusting, filtering, compromising, playing the game the way the other entrepreneurs are playing it, or worrying about what the fuck your social media looks like!

What you’re going to need to do is simple:

FLICK THE DAMN REBEL MILLIONAIRE SWITCH BABY.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

All in on madness.
All in on crazy.
All in on chaos.
All in on the TRUE epic awesome ridiculousness and too much-ness of YOU.

REBEL MILLIONAIRE

Starting January 18th!

For those who were born to run the damn thing,

To turn the world on its head and dance on top of it,

And who are ready to do just that.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/