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Success Mindset

ANXIETY IN THE SHADOWS

I walk back home slowly from the gym, annoyed that I’m still not feeling connected to my body, despite going deep, sweating, flowing, NEARLY but not quite. Getting my workout on but not my groove.

Perhaps if I walk slower, listen to something which seeps in to my pores, I’ll get rid of this feeling, this niggle, this UPSET vibe which I don’t have any reason for but yet still can’t shake.

I get back to my villa, and all of a sudden I have to hurry hurry HURRY past where all the staff are hanging out. It’s always been like this.

When it comes.
Suddenly!
And the panic is in my eyes, do NOT come near me. And definitely don’t touch me. Don’t LOOK at me. I need to be –
Completely
Inside me

My Beats are on, surely they’ll know not to talk to me. Head down head down head down, don’t make eye contact. Don’t talk to me. Please! Please don’t call out.

I realise my breath is coming a little short and I URGENTLY need to get the fuck away from everybody. I’ll put the do not disturb sign on. Take my phone off the hook. I only have 30 minutes to shower and get ready and go out again, but that’s okay. That’s enough time to lay back and remind myself how to BREATHE again, isn’t it?

And I realise –

Oh, wow. I know this feeling. I remember this feeling. How have I forgotten this feeling?!

The cornered animal energy –
The get AWAY from me vibe –
The anxious need to be completely alone, and RELEASE, because if I don’t I might imPLODE, if I don’t if I don’t if I don’t, it’s just TOO MUCH AND I CAN’T TAKE IT.

Anxiety has been part of my shadows – 
For longer than I can remember – 
It bares its teeth at me – 
Sometimes less and sometimes more – 
Sometimes to where I become immobile, frozen, unable to breathe OR move, and I need I need I need – SOMETHING.
Anything.
Help.
Please help …

Other times – mostly, now, if it comes up at all – to where I can easily shake it off. A workout. Some journaling. A massage. Music. Usually, this is where it’s at, at this point in my life. I live my life in such alignment that it’s difficult for anxiety to get a hold in the way it used to DAILY –

All through the day –

Even though I could function and smile and ‘do’ and ‘be’ –

Not really.

My all day every day was a matter of ‘make it through just one more minute, just one more, one more, till you can get away, and, well –

do.
that thing you do.
to manage.
to cope.
to NOT completely go insane’

Today, IT was not so easy to shake.

It was rising up STRONG.

Gotta get inside get inside get inside get inside PLEASE –

As I opened the door, almost THROWING the ‘do not disturb’ sign on to it in my haste, oh YES –

How did I not identify THIS feeling? This URGENT need, the quick quick quick of doing things, quick quick quick before somebody stops me, quick quick quick, unwrap it, get it IN me, so I can breathe again.

For years.

For a decade.

For more than that, actually.

This was the only way I managed to cope.

To keep going.

To keep my head above water.

I could function
Through the day
Because at night
(mainly)
I knew I could get away

And while today I was not HAPPY to feel that feeling rise up, I do not ENJOY the clench of the demon of anxiety around my throat, and hell YES I want I need I MUST get rid of it –

And so I do … somewhat … mostly … now, writing this, perhaps, the final stage … I also notice, in that split second before I SLAM the door behind me and near collapse against it, I made it – !

I notice.

How much has shifted.

How proud I am.

That I no longer HEAL in a way that also SABOTAGES.

That the way I now release –

Also ELEVATES.

And I want to tell you –

I know of the things you do.
When you’re alone.
When the doors are closed.
When nobody is there.
When you can’t be found out.
To release.
To cope.
To BREATHE.

And,

This is not a willpower or discipline issue, that you somehow can’t STOP.

This is survival.
This is NEEDED.
However –

If you desire to release it?

Ask –

What do I need, actually?

What is it my soul NEEDS?

Perhaps, as it was for me, back then, it’s a remake of your entire fucking LIFE.

BETTER YOU ACCEPT THAT THAN JUST KEEP ON GOING LIKE THIS THEN, HMMM?

Or perhaps –

It’s just space.
For more art.
Deeper alignment.
And that before you begin, the next thing designated for today, you once again –
Ignore the outside world.
Go within.
And do.
The thing that makes you you.

Thank you for reading,
What makes me me.

I love you.

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Here’s the thing girlfriend.

Sister.

Brother.

BADASS REVOLUTIONARY FUCKING LEADER YOU.

You came here to be all of you, be all of you now.

And now?

It’s time.

👉👉 IDENTITY.

10 Days with Katrina Ruth to Wake You Back Up to You. And Unleash the Game You’re Done Waiting For.

Day 1 LIVE Asskickery shooting into your soul in just a few days time!

DAILY you + me + God + soul to follow.

This?

Is the do/not/miss time going into you that you’re soul has been hungering for and it’s time.to.FEED it!

Here’s how it’s going down:

> 10 Days ALL new live online course with Katrina Ruth

> DAILY asskickery | activation | bulletproof coffee up the booty (that’s me)

> DAILY journal prompts | worksheets | exercises to get you going and flowing into ALL of you

AND:

> (this is crazy!) DAILY bonuses to help you implement our IDENTITY work in different areas of your business. Money. Body. Relationships. Life! Application of what we are working on out the wazoo!

> All trainings recorded and yours to keep for life in your Katrina Ruth Members Dashboard (training times will be announced day by day as we begin. Day 1 live asskickery at XXXX. Training times will vary day to day to account for students all around the world!

> Live Facebook Group with Kat and the #KatNinjas throughout

> IMMEDIATE and then DAILY and then FOREVER AFTER switch flickin’ into YOU as soon as you say yes! (That is just how this works).

What to expect, from this time together?

Every.single.thing. you’ve always known was there within.

> Certainty. Of soul, of God, of what flow requires, of, well, everything.
> Ability to always know the right decision to make, and how to make it. NO MATTER WHAT.
> Courage and abilily and inner strength to then ACT as you need to
> Ability and soul certainty walk away. Know what to walk away from. Shred and burn. Immediately and as required. Amen.
> ALWAYS ability to access flow. Message certainty. Soul guidance on what you create, unleash, how, to whom.
> Magnetism. Activated. From within. To and from your soul peeps. In all areas.
> Money certainty, where it comes from, how to inhale / exhale it, infinitely, PEACE on this.
> Peace. In general. Where it comes from. How to be IN it. How to return to it when it seems far away.
> Moving through the ‘woods’ of business, of life, of you. Recognising it. Being okay with it!
> Leaning in. Surrender. The things that go with this. How to let it be easy, happy, a joy!
> JOY. From God. From within. All THROUGH you. AS IT WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE.
> Forgiveness, and grace. Where you know it comes from. How to receive it fully.
> RECEIVING. Unlocking the portals to. Opening up the floodgates. Seeing where you dial it back. Stopping that shit!
> Turning up the dial in all areas. What it means, and how.
> BEING the mofo light. Being all of it. Owning your too muchness! SWAYING with it.
> Being in the dance with God and soul and life and ALWAYS knowing your next move. ALL of that. And so much more.
> Creating. Being the artist the messenger the performer the leader the shift the YOU, who just lets it flood out. Knowing what works. Does not. How to release. Go deeper. And also? Sell TF outta that game.
> Being the leader NOW. Appointing yourself. What it means and why you’re already pre-approved.
> BIRTHRIGHT. Accessing and owning your soul blueprint. The blueprint of YOU. Of purpose. And destiny. And truth. Let’s go!

You want more?

There’s so much more.

^^ This? Is the warm-up, the first bit of what dropped through to me when I felt in to this, allowed it to come through, for you.

We will see what unfolds,
when it unfolds,
when we enter this dance,
together!

But what this is really about, and why you know you need to be here?

You’re done with playing the game of waiting to play the damn game.

Identity, baby.

IT’S TIME.

https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/identity

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