BE BOLD ENOUGH TO HOLD OUT FOR YOUR REAL DREAM
I told myself that maybe this was as good as it gets for me, maybe this is just how it is, maybe what I LONG for is just a fantasy, a dream, made up, NOT REAL LIFE, but the truth is I never believed that, you know?
I always thought –
When I looked inside –
When I looked to the FUTURE –
And when I listened to what was coming through me –
That actually, yeah –
I could kinda sorta have it all AND I would.
So, I held out.
I held out through the days in which money dwindled ever more ever more ever more.
I held out through the endless weeks and months in which it felt like every BREATH, every step, every MOMENT was painful, treacherous and FILLED with risk.
And I held out, when my mind shrieked at me that I was crazy to imagine, to think, that it was possible, let alone for ME.
I held out.
I stayed the fucking course.
I just kept GOING, one day at a time, that’s how it’s DONE, and eventually?
Before we talk about eventually, let me ask you a question.
It’s a BIG one … and it requires a big and bold answer; a clear one, too.
DO YOU BELIEVE?
When you look inside, when you listen in, when you look to the future –
DO YOU BELIEVE –
That what you dream of –
Your TRUE dream, the fantasy one, where you have it ALL, and on your terms, no less –
IS going to become true?
Because let me tell you, if you can answer a hard yes to THAT, then THAT IS ALL YOU NEED.
You don’t need to know how.
You don’t need proof, not from ANYBODY else and not even your SELF.
You just need to KEEP PRESSING ON.
The hardest thing, I think, is not to do the work OF pressing on, really, but instead to keep the voices inside your head at bay.
Don’t you find?
Just this past week I’ve noticed how RAMPANT they’ve been, when it comes to the relationship side of my life.
Telling me that maybe what I dream of isn’t possible …
Isn’t available …
Or maybe it’s just not available for ME, maybe I don’t get to HAVE it that good.
I dream of soulmate love …
I dream of days filled with laughing and hysteria (the good kind!) …
I dream of INCREDIBLE conversation that goes here and there and everywhere, and SO deep …
I dream of astral travel sex and also some pretty next level on earth sex …
I dream of deep connection –
Of KNOWING we are meant to be together –
Of looking into his eyes, and in there seeing my soul reflected back at me, and of the deep deep certainty that this was the only way it was ever meant to be and ever COULD be
And of all the fun and adventure and creation, which goes with it
I imagine how it would BE, to be like that, and it feels, it feels, it feels …
And as though, surely, if I see it inside of me then it is MY DREAM TO DREAM AND AVAILABLE FOR ME, AND ALSO, NOW – ! that’s just how it WORKS, I know this.
But then my mind chirps up –
My fear might rise –
Or perhaps I just get tired, and weary of waiting –
I find myself wondering – if it really has to be all THAT? If perhaps I’m holding out for too MUCH? If I’m just once again being this unrealistic crazy DIVA, and if I should settle –
I find myself nearly almost sort of kind of BELIEVING this bullshit, and even beginning to lean INTO it!
And then –
At the final hour –
Or when my thoughts finally run their course –
A small still voice comes along, and whispers –
“But, didn’t you dream such impossible dreams for your business Kat? Weren’t you INSANELY unrealistic, demanding to the nth degree, you wanted it all, exactly how you wanted it, a business and life COMPLETELY on your terms, and you refused to give in?”
Again a whisper, or perhaps a tap on the shoulder this time –
“Well. Why don’t you LOOK THE FUCK AROUND THEN GIRL?! At what you’ve created … at what you allowed … at who you ARE, and at all you now have … get to do … and have become? Hmmm?!”
And with a toss of her head (she’s a NEXT next level diva, the voice inside my head!) she storms off.
Booty sashaying and hair all a-flying.
And I remember –
How I so VERY often nearly gave in.
How close I came to settling for making money doing what I kinda sorta almost NEARLY love … if that’s a thing!)
How many times I was SO scared, that if I held out for what I really wanted I would never GET there, and even if it WAS available, did I have the wherewithall to stay the course for THAT long, to keep going?!
I was so tired.
It was so never-ending.
And I felt so bloodied and bruised with it, a lot of the time, is the truth.
But yet here is what I found to be true, without exception:
When I looked inside and was damn HONEST with myself, I found that in fact I ALWAYS DID BELIEVE.
In the end, I could simply never deny that I HAD FUCKING FAITH.
I knew I was born for it.
I knew I would make it.
I knew it was how it was destined to BE.
What I found to be true, without exception:
I could ALWAYS MAKE IT THROUGH THAT DAY.
I could always keep going for just one more day.
One foot forward.
PAINFUL as it was at times –
On the track I knew I had to BE on.
So often so scared –
Looking into the vast unknowing –
FULLY aware that I was laying myself on the line for something crazy, something exceptional, something largely unheard of!
FULLY aware that what I felt inside of me was real.
Was available for ME, or else I wouldn’t be seeing and FEELING it.
And that ALL I had to do, ALL I had to do, was stay the fucking course.
So today if you feel you’re fumbling … falling … maybe failing … and you just don’t know if you can keep going, maybe you should scale back your dreams, give in, just a little, REST, let ‘reality’ rule you … which is to say fear … then allow me to say THIS:
I’m with you baby.
I see you.
I am HERE with you.
When you’re tired, dig DEEPER.
When you’re weary, run FASTER.
When you feel your faith crumbling, grit your motherfucking teeth and decide to dream even BIGGER.
This is what we do.
This is who we are.
THIS IS THE LIFE WE CHOSE.
And God damn it, it’s the one we’re going to live.
It’s VERY simple, in the end:
We do what others won’t.
We get to live like they can’t.
Just because they didn’t tell you that the toughest part of this is holding out in the INNER stuff, doesn’t make it any less true.
Do the damn work.
Have it all.
Don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.