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Live Your Passion

I’m hurt, messy, raw. Here is how I deal.

Two times in the past 24 hours, heck, less then, men have made me cry. Two of the men I care about most, saying things that just feel really really hurtful. Wildly different situations and, in the second one in particular, I for certain was already reacting from feeling pretty fucking precious and fragile after what happened in the first situation, so I’d say for sure I exacerbated that.

But either way, FUCCCCCKKKKKKK I am feeling upset right now. 99.99% about the first situation, the second one just tipped it over the edge, like, are you fucking kidding me? I need you right now and you’re going to be like THAT? Okay.

I feel really hurt, devastated even, shaky and raw and also just ANNOYED.

Yeah, I get that I just wrote ‘men have made me cry’ and at the end of the day my emotions are always and only my own responsibility and nobody can MAKE me do ANYTHING. Personal motherfucking responsibility is real y’all, and whatever is showing up for me is always what I CHOSE, so just choose fucking better, right?

RIGHT.

But at the same time FUCK ME, I really thought I had / was / whatever, and this shit just came out of left field late last night, like a swift uppercut to the face when you’re just chilling on the couch not expecting to suddenly get taken down and then tossed in the tumble dryer for good measure.

I woke up this morning and felt like I’d drunk 4 bottles of wine and then done a freakin’ endurance race in my sleep or something, my eyes were like beady little pin pricks in my head, I’d been up most of the night crying and thrashing around in some kind of hormonal night sweat response to stress (reminiscent of the post-pregnancy sweats, UGH) and then overslept as a result of that, meaning I was late to get the kids to school.

That done, I made my way to the gym because all I could think was give me some IRON THERAPY. Let me get under the weight of the bar and just go into my flow zone and FEEL. As I squatted with some of my best weight and form in recent recollection silent tears streamed down my face and I found myself wondering –

What did I do to create this?

And what do I now get to choose to release it?

I sometimes worry that I’m too good at processing things, moving on, seeing past or beneath it, and almost immediately shifting into ‘oh, well, everything happens FOR me, so obviously this is for my growth and learning right now and how delightful, let’s wait with curiosity and giddy excitement to see what the fabulous lesson is and how I shall now transcend to the next level as the divine human I am’.

In fact I do believe and know all that and am indeed thinking it all, but at the same time –

Spew emoji spew emoji spew emoji. lol.

And I know I’m writing even more messy and raw than usual right now and absofuckingLUTELY using today’s blog as my own therapy (aren’t they all? ), and I’m not gonna try and clean it up or slow it down, so I make no apology for that, but I trust there is something here in my mess for you as well.

Because here’s the thing:

It DOES all happen for a reason.

There IS always a lesson to take, to drop into.

And the next level? Is always just around the corner waiting for you. When you get hurt, when you are thrown, when you feel like life itself has chewed you up and spat you out, maybe ESPECIALLY when you were swimming along happily thinking everything was taken care of and then BAM, it 100% is a GROWTH OPPORTUNITY.

Already as I feel the waves of pain wash over me as they tend to do in these sorts of situations, ebbing and flowing and then rearing up like a motherfucker just when you thought you were good, so that suddenly you’re randomly crying in the veggie aisle, at the same time I notice myself do what I ALWAYS do when its throw down time –

I feel myself tighten up. Lift up internally. My core becomes more molten steel. I was a fucking BEAST in the gym this morning, in a Goddess-babe sorta way 😉. I became more and more unstoppable and unbreakable with every breath, every moment. More ME.

I don’t remotely mean I blocked out feeling, or emotion, or went into some kind of ‘I’m not allowed to be vulnerable or raw’ anti-feminine type state. Not at all. What it felt like, what it feels like right now, as I pour out my cracked open and somewhat shredded heart, is a sort of FRAGILE FUCKING STRENGTH.

Like a willow branch, golden and slender and immensely beautiful and yet at the same time just TRY to fucking break it.

And I think –

Just try and fucking break me.

I don’t mean that any person tried to break me, nobody tried to break or hurt me, that’s just what happened, cliche and bullshit and trite as it sounds.

So yes.

I regroup quickly.

I step outside the situation and become the observer.

I open myself up immediately to what I need to know and understand and do differently, choose differently, have boundaries and standards and rules and expectations around, how I can now choose to BE MORE CLEAR because apparently I wasn’t fucking clear on some things I was putting out energetically.

And at the same time I allow myself to feel.

To melt.

To be a crybaby about it, and then remind myself that HELLO – being vulnerable or emotional or raw or HUMAN is not being a crybaby at all, so enough with the slightly deriding self-talk.

And, what is the point of all this, I don’t know. What is the point of this hurt right now which just seems, quite frankly, WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE in terms of what I thought was actually going on, I DON’T KNOW. It’s infuriating and wrong and SO, well, shocking, to be honest!

Except,

When I say I don’t know.

I do know.

My soul knows.

Why?

Why?

Motherfucking WHY?

Because it is ALWAYS that we get to have our version of it all, a full fuck yes life, on our terms, TOTAL alignment to soul.

And let’s get real here Kat – and for you as well, for wherever this is hitting home for you right now –

If shit is blowing up in your face then a) you created that (you can believe or not believe in THAT, but I wonder how it serves you to choose on opposing belief, and what ability to create a new reality moving forward it affords you) – and b) –

The burning up or down of the things always clears space and lights the way for the truer things.

And in the end, no matter the turmoil or trauma, it’s very very simple:

It is what it is.

And that’s all it is.

Now what’chu gonna do about it?

Remember:

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Rebel.
Upstart.
Fuck the system; screw the rules.
Won’t do what they told me.
Too much.
Unreasonable.
Ridiculous.
Unprofessional.
Crazy!

Should I go on? I could, but I think you get the picture.

You’re the one who is not only not like the other PEOPLE, you’re also not like the other entrepreneurs.

They, they actually think they’re different; non-conformists?! Don’t make me laugh. You and I both see it as it is:

They just wanna be told how to build a pretty little website and a pretty little social media page or three and a pretty little online product or course and get their pretty little headshots and do a pretty little pre-scripted dance all over the internet so that other equally pretty fucking bland and boring and same same-y peoples pay them money,

And they can all sit in a pretty little womans circle together patting each other linking elbows and stroking each others hair and singing Kumbaya as the sun sets over another day of sinking ever deeper into the unremarkableness that is their lives.

They are the ones who are not only willing to jump through hoops, they also want to build more hoops for other people; they want to perpetuate the hoop jumping life and their whole sales pitch is basically some version of “I will help you to have a better and shinier hoop, come see!”

lolol

BUT REALLY.

Meanwhile, you –

You’ve tried the hoop-jumping life, maybe more than what you care to admit. And, whilst you’ve nothing against sitting around with other ladeez and stroking each others hair, you and your girls; the real ones?

You don’t exactly fit in in the typical woman’s circle.

You don’t feel at home with the pretty-preneurs, not even on the internet let alone in real life.

You don’t actually GIVE a fuck about having all your shit perfect,

Polished,

And just so –

And the idea of having sales and marketing and content processes which you have to systematically pre-plan and then work through and endlessly join dots with?

Makes you want to hurl.

Sure –

You’ve bought in at times to do the idea that maybe you DO gotta do it as they say.

An automated webinar, perhaps?? Facebook ads which carefully and smartly tell the world who you are and how you can help? A sales plan proven and tested by the greats. The gradual sinking slow decline of your soul, your joy, your dreams, and even your pussy as everything within you that once knew she could HAVE IT ALL AND DO LIFE HER WAY SLOWLY DRIES,

WITHERS TO NOTHING,

AND DIES?

Sure –

Why not

And look.

It’s not that any of these things are bad or wrong. Maybe right now you’ve got to a certain point by playing by the rules … kind of. Following what ‘logic’ suggests you do. Breaking free here and there with wild little jaunts into over the top madness, noticing how THAT lights you up and also how people respond to it … but ultimately continuing to go back to trying to find the right fucking system to get you to where you want to go,

Because this thing of trying to just be you interspersed with trying to get it all right and make it work, well –

It’s God damn tiring –

But also, in the end, if we’re going to be black and white about it, it hasn’t got you to where you want to be!!

You KNOW you should be making SO much more money.

NOW.

With consistency, and yeah, while of course of COURSE you’re down for doing the work, you also feel like it SHOULD be a lot easier, more flow

And you know that you know that you know that you’ve still not let out the most unrestrained and fully expressed side of you!

– The you they can’t look away from
– The you they are MAGNETIZED by
– The you who automatically commands a huge freakin’ following, and sales to match it

You know who I’m talking about –

THE MILLIONAIRE REBEL YOU!

Starting January 18th!

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

The revolutionary fucking leader who tears SHREDS off of normal every damn day before the rest of the world has barely sipped its coffee!

Who is FULLY unleashed in what she says, how she shows up, how she does business, how she does life.

Who does not give a fuck about following rules! Or sales systems! Or strategies! Who can and will do what works for HER, and if it happens to resemble other ways people build an audience and make a fuckload of money online, cool, and if not, so what! That is not the point! The point is –

She knows what works for her.
She backs herself unapologetically.
She DOES it.

And she gets the damn results. The BIG results. The CONSISTENT results. The FUCK yes results, not just with money but with the VIBERY of it all.

Imagine …

Waking up every day and KNOWING you have crushed the day before it already begun because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ROLL!

* Your shit sells (at any and all price point)
* Your creativity and inner ideas machine flows endlessly (you always know what to put out into the world and that when you speak people PAUSE EVERYTHING AND LISTEN, whether it is with free content and shenaniganery or with your paid stuff)
* You don’t even have to think about low end or high end or how to take people through a value ladder or some such bullshit, the value ladder is YOU CONTINUING TO BE YOU, and the more that you DO you the more people just take themselves through whatever it is you’re offering!
* It is easy, natural, fun, and OBVIOUS how to build your automated income, funnels, the ‘cash machine’ side of your business.
* In fact the whole damn thing feels fun and easy and like you’re just being you (the full on you, the too much you, the rebel you, the fuck all of ’em THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR AND NOW I’M GONNA TELL YOU you!),
* and at the same time you have the DEEPLY grounded and certain knowledge that the way you’re doing it, hot mess and chaos vibes and all, is WORKING. PS – the reason you feel certain of this is because your bank balance and soulmate audience and their feedback reflects it, not bc your spirit guides told you it’s coming

All of this is ALREADY available to you.

It is who you are and what you were born for.

You did not come here for normal!

You are one of the truly crazy ones, who has something inside of her that will leave the world BREATHLESS –
and allow her to make millions and impact millions –

BUT NOT IF SHE CONTINUES TO DO BUSINESS AND LIFE BY TRYING TO SOMEHOW BE A NON-CONFORMIST WHO CONTINUALLY CAVES AND CONFORMS.

For this to work,

REALLY work, like next next NEXT level $ and life flow work,
you’re going to need to FULLY turn your back on the idea that your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of you adjusting, filtering, compromising, playing the game the way the other entrepreneurs are playing it, or worrying about what the fuck your social media looks like!

What you’re going to need to do is simple:

FLICK THE DAMN REBEL MILLIONAIRE SWITCH BABY.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

All in on madness.
All in on crazy.
All in on chaos.
All in on the TRUE epic awesome ridiculousness and too much-ness of YOU.

REBEL MILLIONAIRE

Starting January 18th!

For those who were born to run the damn thing,

To turn the world on its head and dance on top of it,

And who are ready to do just that.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/