I’m Just Fucking Winging It
Today is arguably the most important day of my life. Something I have dreamed of FOR my whole life is coming to fruition.
And this kinda astounds me, in some ways, because sometimes I think that everything I’m doing or have done to get to where I am is all just a bunch of shit I made up.
I have these days, today being one, where I wake up, and I think: what the fuck am I even doing. Why DO I write this blog every day? Does anybody even care? Logically I know that people do care, do like my stuff, in fact even notice when I skip a day or two, but at the same time I wonder:
Does it ACTUALLY make any difference?
The truth is I feel like I’m just winging this whole business thing anyway. For the nearly 10 years now that I’ve been online I’ve been promising myself that at some point – really soon! – I’m gonna get ORGANISED and on top of this shit and find a way to get it all done but PROPERLY!
I mean, I guess most of the time I feel pretty good with where I’m at. I get to spend 90%+ of my time doing precisely what I want and what I always SAID I wanted, which incidentally is also what I know I’m born for.
Write, speak, create, empower you to get your butt into alignment and press motherfucking play!
Pretty cool, on the one hand, that by largely ignoring all the stuff I SHOULD do, I’ve built a multiple 7-figure empire which allows me to live like a VIFP, make an impact with my message, structure my life on my terms.
But on the other hand I still feel, at times, that I really REALLY have no freaking clue what I’m doing, or more so I guess that I’m MISSING something.
Do you ever feel like that?
That you’re missing something? That if only you could JUST put your finger on it shit would blow the fuck UP?
I feel it all the time. I think maybe people will be surprised to read that. I think maybe that people assume I have all my shit figured out. I don’t. I hope that reassures you rather than disheartens you, but there it is – you will NEVER have all your shit figured out. I mean, quite honestly, most of the time I think I’m not even a real grown-up and that one day everyone will figure THAT out!! (Not that it actually matters, mind you!)
And on these days, the days where I feel like what the fuck am I even doing and WHY and is this what I SHOULD be doing and WHAT AM I MISSING, what’s the MAGIC freaking silver bullet that I just can’t see yet, it’s easy to back down. To get into my HEAD, to try and analyse what SHOULD I do then, make a list, make a plan, that will help, right?!
Or to just churn out my stuff for the sake of it so at least I can say I got through it, got my shit DONE.
OFTEN, what happens, when you feel like this, is you get into a slight desperate vibe, you start to TRY to do things that people are going to respond to, or buy.
It shows, just so you know.
When you create from that place.
ALWAYS.
Which I guess is why I do have these days where I feel like why even show UP, I can FEEL that I’m not in my vibe, and the post I write will be lame, people will think I’m boring or bland, what’s the POINT if it’s not amazing and high-vibe?!
So I sit here and I ask myself, well I did just ask myself:
What do I REALLY want to do right now?
What would I be doing if I were just coming from the HEART right now?
What do I ACTUALLY want to say right now?
Tune in.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this whole game it’s tune the fuck IN, and do not make a move, do not pass Go, do NOT collect $200 before you do!
So here I am.
Tuning in.
And what I’m thinking about?
Is that I need to let you know that all I’ve been doing these past 10 years is winging it, trying to figure it out as I go, a lot of the time quite QUITE sure I’m screwing it up or at least taking the WAY crazy long route.
But yet somehow –
Despite it all –
Because I never STOPPED winging it, or let that really actually be a bad thing.
Here I am.
Today is maybe the most important day of my life, definitely the most important meeting I’ve ever had so far.
My book agent and his team have flown out to spend two days locked down with me to plan out the book and campaign for my New York Times best-seller book.
He has a 100% success rate with his authors hitting the list.
The fact that he took me on is therefore something I am incredibly proud of and excited about.
I will not let him OR obviously me down.
And the only reason I’ve ended up here, today, with this meeting, today, and hitting in fact ALL my goals, day by day?
I just kept fucking winging it.
So today a reminder to all of us:
Eye on the prize.
And NEVER stop taking action, moving forward, from a place of CHOOSING to believe you’ll get there no matter HOW freaking messy or uncertain it can feel along the way.
All I ever did, really, to get here, was keep on looking up at my dreams and moving towards them.
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