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Purpose

I STILL SOMETIMES FEEL THAT THE REAL ME ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH

For so long, more than what I can possibly remember or ever understand, I was scared of showing my true magic to the world.

Maybe it was that I didn’t really even know what my magic was, and that was a pretty real reason, I suppose, to not be able to show it, but really?

Let’s get real now –

I thought that the real me wasn’t good enough.

Do you know how often I fucking think this, feel this, still?! Too often to possibly ever say or recount. JUST LAST NIGHT I had two situations come up in which I felt like I couldn’t be true to myself, be honest, really, because what if that wasn’t appropriate, or okay, or what if it made me unworthy, unwanted, rejected, what if it PROVED to me my deepest fears, which are that if I lay myself naked –

And bare –

And show exactly who I am, nothing added, or taken, nothing to prove, and not a single jot of conforming or compromising away from alignment and truth, that, well, what I’ll find?

Is it’s just not enough.
I’m just not enough.
Not worth being wanted, not worth being loved, not worth being seen.

I think that if we’re honest … if you’re honest … as I find myself being today, feeling even more vulnerable and willing to expose my soul than normal … we all have a fear that runs deep which is something along the lines of what I just shared.

ACCEPTANCE, and being part of the tribe, is not only one of the deepest human desires, it’s also essential for fucking survival! It’s a basic need and it goes well beyond just having a cool crew to hang with – it’s about the fact that, on a physiological level, if you have nobody else around and with and for you, your chances of DYING are higher. You’re not safe. And so you better fucking sort that shit out!

How this translates with business, with what we do in this online space, with putting yourself out there, is simple –

No matter how committed you are to truth, to fully showing up, to standing in your unapologetically extra POWER, there is always SOME element of wanting to fit in, be accepted, liked, understood.

If you say you don’t give a fuck what anybody thinks, guess what? You’re lying. I don’t mean you can’t choose to act from a PLACE of not giving a fuck, and maybe you have! I make this choice continually, what it means to me really is that I give SO much of a fuck about my truth, my message, and living in accordance with soul, that I maintain a discipline of CHOOSING to not allow giving a fuck about what anybody has to say or think to influence my actions.

But that don’t mean I don’t feel it, notice it, or even that there’s not, from time to time, some sort of mild or more slipping –

A little here, a little there, or maybe just one big area in particular where you find it EXTRA FUCKING SCARY to be fully who you are.

Maybe you can relate? Or maybe you’re so damn extra cool that you truly never ever ever care what people think? Oh yeah … I’ll see your ‘no fucks given’ memes and fuck you selfies and I’ll raise you one case of YOU’RE STILL FUCKING HUMAN BABY, and your survival instincts are a lil more powerful than your need to look cool on Facebook.

But! Maybe you truly have it all figured out, and you NEVER act from a place of conformity or anxiety or even the slightest little adjustment of what you would say or share if you were being FULLY you, FULLY honest, FULLY in your power? In which case, I’m not entirely sure why you’re reading this, shouldn’t you be off in a lab being tested somewhere?!

Anyway.

I mentioned that I had two situations yesterday in which I had to acknowledge that my fear of ME BEING FULLY ME IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, or will cause some sort of bad or scary consequence.

Actually, there’ve been a helluva lot more than two of these sorts of situations of late. Gosh! The past week or so has been a whirlwind of staring naked in the mirror of life and having to make insanely tough choices to act from truth, or to acknowledge places where I was hiding or essentially showing up in a way which somebody who is SCARED OF NOT BEING ENOUGH would.

If I knew I was enough – 
If I knew me just being me was enough – 
If I knew that I am worthy of love, acceptance, receiving, in all areas, without adding ANYTHING to who I am at my core, and just because “I am”, then – 

Well then –

What would I know I have to say right now? Do? Express? Show? STOP doing? Stand up for? Or rail against?

These are just a few of the questions I’ve asked myself on this journey, you know the one; the journey which never ends?!

(And just quietly, how fucking grateful can we be for that, huh?!)

Last night, over dinner with my Inner Circle private clients, a few of us had a frank conversation around why one of these badass ladies had wanted to leave, and stop working with me, a few months back.

“I just felt like the answer was that I needed to maybe pull back, do less, rest … and that you were demanding going more IN all the time”, she said. I’m paraphrasing wildly. But essentially the reason was she felt like my way was the TOO MUCH way, and that the answer was to pull back, and so she should leave.

Let’s be clear – while a lot of people think I’m all about the hustle and working my ass off, it’s actually not that way at all in terms of the PRACTICAL work. The way I run this thang, and the way I teach my clients, is the flow and ease way, and if you followed me round for a week you’d see my entire LIFE is built around saying yes to my soul. Manis and pedis and hair and fun and play oh yes! Or, whatever the soul wants 

But the work … the REAL work, of looking at yourself naked in the mirror every fucking day and being confronted with the REALITY of where you’re not saying yes to all that you are, and the truth about what you know you must do to BE all that you are, that’s some shit I don’t shy away from.

And I expect the same of my clients. Not that I would, or could, ever tell anybody what to do, but the reality of working with me is I am relentlessly in your fucking face just by virtue of EXISTING! I don’t have to do or say anything, I shine a STRONG fucking light.

Often, it’s too much for people. Typically when people leave or stop working with me or following me, it’s because they can no longer handle the relentlessness of knowing that day after day they’re NOT being who they’re fully meant to be, and I’m a constant infuriating reminder of that!

So, they exit, stage left, and often don’t speak to me again for a few years. After which they come back and tell me all of this, which is how I know it. Also I know ’cause I can read you like a book, even without speaking to you 

So my client, this client who obviously decided to stay, and now flew from the US to be here on the Gold Coast for our retreat, I said to her last night at dinner –

“I HATED that you wanted to leave. I was so frustrated by it! Previously, in some cases when people have left the Inner Circle, I knew it was aligned. I knew that our work together had run its course, and it was with blessing and certainty and love that I said goodbye to those people in terms of that level of relationship. It was as it should be. But with you … and with one other person who DID actually leave, when I knew it was just avoidance of being who she really was that was the issue, and I still feel sad about the fact she left … I just KNEW you’re meant to fucking stay.”

“Why didn’t you TELL me then?!”

I stared at her over my cocktail and edamame.

For the past 2 days, I let the message flow without pause, 16 hours or so a day including evening shenanigans. At no point, ever actually, with clients – or kinda anyone! – am I lost for words.

But in this moment, I was blank.

“Well … I guess … (and I was kinda SQUIRMING in the chair!) … I don’t know, that would feel – inappropriate?”

In my mind I was trying to figure it out, and what was coming up was – if somebody said that they want to stop working with me and I said “I think you’re wrong and should stay!”, that it kinda makes me look like I just want to save the sale or something? Or, as I said to her and the other ladies listening – it’s like breaking up with someone and the other one says, no, you can’t leave! Haha. Which just on a side note I think I may have done once … but I did it because I believed it was not right for it to end, and I was willing to say that!

So why wasn’t I willing to say that with this client, when she nearly left? Why DIDN’T I say it with the one person who did leave the Inner Circle so far who I KNEW shouldn’t?

Flat out, because deep down I worry I’m not good enough / worthy of acceptance, and how that plays out in THIS situation is, well, I don’t wanna look like I HAVE to keep you as a client.

I was compromising my integrity for fear of not being accepted, without even realising it!

Let me tell you – it is an INCREDIBLE thing to have clients who will straight up tell you what YOU need to hear! I’m so grateful for these women in my life!

I shared this with her, with the table, and what she said kinda floored me –

“Well, I would have wanted you to tell me. I wish you had, because I would have believed you. I would never have thought you’re doing it for money, because I respect you and know you never would do that, you have too much integrity for that. I would have believed you can see what I can’t see because you’ve been there before me”.

Honestly, I was pretty stunned by this. Partly I though – well, if somebody wants to stop working with me, doesn’t that mean they do NOT think so highly of me anymore?! What an interesting story I now realise I’ve created there! Because obviously in THIS case at least it was about her own avoidance of self … and deep down I know that that’s typically the reason … it did not mean she’d suddenly decided she didn’t like me!

And as for the rest of it, well DUH – of COURSE I should have been calling my client on it, because she’s right – I have been there before, and that’s why I understood what was going on! Instead, I felt frustrated at knowing the real reason but let myself believe it would be wrong or bad to tell HER it, because my ego was saying – ‘then she’ll think you’re just trying to retain the sale!’.

SO fucking eye-opening!

And suffice to say, lesson learned. From that moment forward I get to go to a whole NEW level of tellin’ it like it is with my clients … which is certainly saying something … and also makes me realise with a little sigh that this will no doubt result in me repelling even MORE people.

#asitshouldbe #callintherightonesonly

So, that was one thing, one situation from yesterday in which my feeling of me just being me is not enough BLOCKED me from my truth, and my power.

The other one was much more intimate, too intimate to share all the details, involving a man, and the sudden opportunity to step into a space of feeling completely safe, and heard, in expressing what I was available for, or needed.

Something happened, and I found myself quickly smoothing it over, “no, no, it’s fine, I’m fine!”, when really I was not fine, but the little girl inside of me felt scared that if I said what I was really feeling, I would then be a nuisance.

High-maintenance.

Or simply, not of use.

It’s SO crazy, how the mind works, don’t you think?

And he, he totally called me on it. Read exactly what the situation was, and basically put his hand up and said NO – you’re not okay, and I’m not okay with you being not okay, even a little bit.

INSTANTLY, almost impossibly quickly, I felt hot tears streaming down my face, and I realised with shock –

When did I last feel that I am REALLY allowed to say what I’m feeling, or that what I’m available or not available for or what I NEED, is okay, or worth being heard, or that a man WANTS to hear it in that situation?

I don’t even remember.

And I hadn’t even realised, that hey hey – THAT’S FUCKING RIDICULOUS. Why would I not always and ONLY honour what is true for me?

Answer, served up happily from my higher self as I let the tears stem –

Because I’ve been scared of not being good enough, if I lay myself bare (so to speak, I don’t mean scared of being seen naked physically, I’m quite okay with that haha), and say –

This is me.

What’s NOT AT ALL FUCKING FUNNY OR CURIOUS, is that the SECOND he said that to me, not only did I start crying silently, but also – 

I noticed something within me open up, release, GIVE, in a way that I just thought I had some kind of block or problem around!

Highlighting the fact that the only damn block was NOT FEELING SAFE OR HEARD!

SO much wow, let me tell you.

And so here is where I want to close this today.

For you.

And for me.

Because we BOTH know I could go on for thousands of words, and thousands of tears, and thousands of years, too!

So, instead, just this –

I wonder:

Where are you still scared of not being good enough, if you lay yourself bare, and say –

“This is me”?

And how would it change things for you RIGHT FUCKING NOW if instead you decided to stand up –

Step up –

And show up, in every area –

Naked.
Bare.
Nothing added.
Nothing to prove.
And telling you –

This is me.

Listen in.
And then tell me –
Tell yourself.
The truth.

And then?

You KNOW you gotta go live it 

 

 

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Rebel.
Upstart.
Fuck the system; screw the rules.
Won’t do what they told me.
Too much.
Unreasonable.
Ridiculous.
Unprofessional.
Crazy!

Should I go on? I could, but I think you get the picture.

You’re the one who is not only not like the other PEOPLE, you’re also not like the other entrepreneurs.

They, they actually think they’re different; non-conformists?! Don’t make me laugh. You and I both see it as it is:

They just wanna be told how to build a pretty little website and a pretty little social media page or three and a pretty little online product or course and get their pretty little headshots and do a pretty little pre-scripted dance all over the internet so that other equally pretty fucking bland and boring and same same-y peoples pay them money,

And they can all sit in a pretty little womans circle together patting each other linking elbows and stroking each others hair and singing Kumbaya as the sun sets over another day of sinking ever deeper into the unremarkableness that is their lives.

They are the ones who are not only willing to jump through hoops, they also want to build more hoops for other people; they want to perpetuate the hoop jumping life and their whole sales pitch is basically some version of “I will help you to have a better and shinier hoop, come see!”

lolol

BUT REALLY.

Meanwhile, you –

You’ve tried the hoop-jumping life, maybe more than what you care to admit. And, whilst you’ve nothing against sitting around with other ladeez and stroking each others hair, you and your girls; the real ones?

You don’t exactly fit in in the typical woman’s circle.

You don’t feel at home with the pretty-preneurs, not even on the internet let alone in real life.

You don’t actually GIVE a fuck about having all your shit perfect,

Polished,

And just so –

And the idea of having sales and marketing and content processes which you have to systematically pre-plan and then work through and endlessly join dots with?

Makes you want to hurl.

Sure –

You’ve bought in at times to do the idea that maybe you DO gotta do it as they say.

An automated webinar, perhaps?? Facebook ads which carefully and smartly tell the world who you are and how you can help? A sales plan proven and tested by the greats. The gradual sinking slow decline of your soul, your joy, your dreams, and even your pussy as everything within you that once knew she could HAVE IT ALL AND DO LIFE HER WAY SLOWLY DRIES,

WITHERS TO NOTHING,

AND DIES?

Sure –

Why not

And look.

It’s not that any of these things are bad or wrong. Maybe right now you’ve got to a certain point by playing by the rules … kind of. Following what ‘logic’ suggests you do. Breaking free here and there with wild little jaunts into over the top madness, noticing how THAT lights you up and also how people respond to it … but ultimately continuing to go back to trying to find the right fucking system to get you to where you want to go,

Because this thing of trying to just be you interspersed with trying to get it all right and make it work, well –

It’s God damn tiring –

But also, in the end, if we’re going to be black and white about it, it hasn’t got you to where you want to be!!

You KNOW you should be making SO much more money.

NOW.

With consistency, and yeah, while of course of COURSE you’re down for doing the work, you also feel like it SHOULD be a lot easier, more flow

And you know that you know that you know that you’ve still not let out the most unrestrained and fully expressed side of you!

– The you they can’t look away from
– The you they are MAGNETIZED by
– The you who automatically commands a huge freakin’ following, and sales to match it

You know who I’m talking about –

THE MILLIONAIRE REBEL YOU!

Starting January 18th!

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

The revolutionary fucking leader who tears SHREDS off of normal every damn day before the rest of the world has barely sipped its coffee!

Who is FULLY unleashed in what she says, how she shows up, how she does business, how she does life.

Who does not give a fuck about following rules! Or sales systems! Or strategies! Who can and will do what works for HER, and if it happens to resemble other ways people build an audience and make a fuckload of money online, cool, and if not, so what! That is not the point! The point is –

She knows what works for her.
She backs herself unapologetically.
She DOES it.

And she gets the damn results. The BIG results. The CONSISTENT results. The FUCK yes results, not just with money but with the VIBERY of it all.

Imagine …

Waking up every day and KNOWING you have crushed the day before it already begun because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ROLL!

* Your shit sells (at any and all price point)
* Your creativity and inner ideas machine flows endlessly (you always know what to put out into the world and that when you speak people PAUSE EVERYTHING AND LISTEN, whether it is with free content and shenaniganery or with your paid stuff)
* You don’t even have to think about low end or high end or how to take people through a value ladder or some such bullshit, the value ladder is YOU CONTINUING TO BE YOU, and the more that you DO you the more people just take themselves through whatever it is you’re offering!
* It is easy, natural, fun, and OBVIOUS how to build your automated income, funnels, the ‘cash machine’ side of your business.
* In fact the whole damn thing feels fun and easy and like you’re just being you (the full on you, the too much you, the rebel you, the fuck all of ’em THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR AND NOW I’M GONNA TELL YOU you!),
* and at the same time you have the DEEPLY grounded and certain knowledge that the way you’re doing it, hot mess and chaos vibes and all, is WORKING. PS – the reason you feel certain of this is because your bank balance and soulmate audience and their feedback reflects it, not bc your spirit guides told you it’s coming

All of this is ALREADY available to you.

It is who you are and what you were born for.

You did not come here for normal!

You are one of the truly crazy ones, who has something inside of her that will leave the world BREATHLESS –
and allow her to make millions and impact millions –

BUT NOT IF SHE CONTINUES TO DO BUSINESS AND LIFE BY TRYING TO SOMEHOW BE A NON-CONFORMIST WHO CONTINUALLY CAVES AND CONFORMS.

For this to work,

REALLY work, like next next NEXT level $ and life flow work,
you’re going to need to FULLY turn your back on the idea that your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of you adjusting, filtering, compromising, playing the game the way the other entrepreneurs are playing it, or worrying about what the fuck your social media looks like!

What you’re going to need to do is simple:

FLICK THE DAMN REBEL MILLIONAIRE SWITCH BABY.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

All in on madness.
All in on crazy.
All in on chaos.
All in on the TRUE epic awesome ridiculousness and too much-ness of YOU.

REBEL MILLIONAIRE

Starting January 18th!

For those who were born to run the damn thing,

To turn the world on its head and dance on top of it,

And who are ready to do just that.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/