AND THEN I FINALLY BROKE

I have realised I am nothing without God.

I don’t believe that you are either.

I don’t believe it’s what either of us were designed to be, something self-made, something on our own, something we make happen, something WE decide we are.

Does this make you uncomfortable? Annoyed? Sorry for me because you’re thinking ‘here goes another one, all filled with Jesus speak now she’s found God’. Insert obligatory eye roll here because you assume that for somebody to willingly give up ownership of their own life they’re either brainwashed or just a broken mess.

Or perhaps it’s that, like I used to be, you think you know God and that this sort of full dependency humbling of self before God is some crazy person version and you have your OWN version of how a relationship with the Creator works, thank you very much! You know exactly where in your plan God fits in, and you’re quite happy for it to stay that way! And as for that increasingly loud beating you’ve got of a drum telling a DIFFERENT truth, well it will go away if you keep on ignoring it!

I am nothing without God.

I’ve realised I am nothing without God, and I don’t want to be.

I was a broken mess who had achieved massive success in the worlds eyes, massive success in my own natural eyes, and for what it was I enjoyed and even loved it. It didn’t feel like I was a mess, not for the most part. Sure, there was a certain never-ending relentlessness to the whole thing, and an awareness that if I stopped being ‘that girl’ then everything I’d driven myself so intentionally to create would fall apart or else become pointless, but all in all? Looking through a lens of what we as humans believe life is MEANT to be?

I was happy. Accomplished. Proud of myself. And always, always, striving to do better.

I fought for purpose, for alignment, for the knowledge that you DID come here to be something extraordinary, to remember who it was you ALWAYS were, and then live into that as you express it to the world.

I knew you had a destiny, and me too! I knew that having a destiny didn’t mean you’ll live it, and that it had to be about waking up every day and pressing play to CREATE that, to BE the person who brought to life what’s inside of you.

I was as an alignment and integrity as an entrepreneur can be in their own way and will, which is to say …

well.

That when I finally handed over the reigns to my heavenly Father, He who created me and who I had KNOWINGLY been hiding from in some way for most of my grown life, because yes I KNEW and believed and WAS a believer the whole time, just ‘on my terms’ –

alignment and purpose and identity and truth became a whole new ballgame.

And what I realised, bit by bit as I unconsciously tried to hold on to parts of me I thought I HAD to be, whilst simultaneously repeatedly surrendering my ALL, as best as I knew how, was that without being fully broken before God how could He piece me back together according to my original design?

I’d been so so used to looking for what to do better, THE best (never mind MY best, as I could ALWAYS do better than that), that when I finally turned to God fully, letting Him be THE plan for my life and not part of MY plan, I defaulted again and again and again to trying to figure out how to be better for GOD.

Was I missing a step?
Was He happy with me?
Had I let Him down?
Was I surrendering properly? Or too much? Did He want me to take more action? Or less?

Every day I sought God desperately, but the lens I was looking through was still a lens of ‘who do I have to be to be enough for you’.

The same lens I, like so many driven people, had lived so much of my life through.

Simultaneously truly BEING the kind of person who was born to be held to the fire, whilst also getting our identity all wrapped up in whether or not we were BEING that fire properly.

Business. Money. Success. Results. Identity. All interwoven together. Because surely if I AM such and such kind of a waymaker I WOULD have such and such results and then I’d keep GOING.

If this message is for you you understand I’m not talking about becoming a different kind of human altogether. If God designed you as a high level creative genius who has an ability to see know and pull through in a way which simply DOES transcend the natural, THAT IS WHO YOU ARE.

But in Him it is a different way. And for those of us who have spent decades backing our SELVES, and figuring out how to spin all these balls our SELVES, the dependency ON our selves will, quite simply – and often brutally – need to be broken off.

How else is God going to supernaturally do a true NEW thing through you, if you kinking that hose every which way?

For me the breaking point was this:

I asked God one day how he wanted me to be His daughter that day.

And what I heard immediately brought me to tears which went on for hours. And hours. And hours. As a lifetime of hurt and pain and independence and cultivating shame or a feeling of not being safe in NEEDING anyone broke off.

“There is no standard to being my daughter. It is simply who you ARE”.

All of a sudden things I intellectually knew but had not been able to ACCEPT in my spirit began to just fall into place.

If I am your daughter, I can just ASK for these things in my life to be taken care of. I can stop trying to search for what I need to do to earn them, deserve them, or even ‘surrender right’ to allow them, and just ASK.

It’s a funny thing. Anybody who knows Christianity and salvation even a little knows we can not EARN our way into ANYTHING with God. We receive all from Him through GRACE, because of the price Jesus paid for us which we could not.

Yet I had ‘known’ this my entire life as a Christian, but still did not KNOW know it.

My default,
in the natural,
kept me returning to bondage,
even when He had set me free.

“You are my daughter. There is no standard to being my daughter. It is just who you are”.

“ASK”.

I think God likes to really drive home His point sometimes, because the same day I finally broke on this, and relinquished my TRYING, the same day I then cried and cried and cried in my sauna as I came out of agreement with a spirit of independence, and BROKE it in Jesus Name, the same day I kept crying and crying and crying as I realised I felt such massive shame in admitting I didn’t have it all together and that I NEEDED to ask, I found myself in a situation of having to ask my EARTHLY father for help as well. Also something, if I’m honest, I have avoided at almost all costs in my life and only ever done when I am deeply desperate. Carrying with me massive shame that I needed to. I don’t even know where this came from, as it wasn’t my Dad! I think the enemy is really good at twisting our God-given abilities, and using them against us. So if God created you as somebody who CAN hold, create, produce a lot, satan will coax you down a path of TOTAL SELF SUFFICIENCY AND SHAME IN NOT LIVING IT.

That’s been my experience, anyway.

When I called my father, breaking into yet more tears as I said “I need help”, and asked what I needed, without hesitation he said yes. And then took care of it.

Yes. I am blessed and lucky to have a father whose character and love is this.

But whether or not our earthly father would show up in such a way, God our HEAVENLY father will ALWAYS show up in such a way. It’s true that sometimes God taking care of us does not look like what we thought we needed or wanted, same as an earthly Dad. But it’s also true that God will ALWAYS ALWAYS protect you and never forsake you when you are His daughter.

This doesn’t mean there won’t be hardship. This means that when there is or ISN’T we are DEPENDANT ON HIM because we know He has our best interests at heart and that He DELIGHTS in giving us good things. All He asks in return is our heart, our whole heart.

Today my prayer for you is this:

Know that God wants your whole heart.
And know that when you give it to Him, even though it may be excruciating to feel parts which had hardened in there through life breaking off, HE WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.

He will take SUCH good care of it, giving you His peace which surpasses all understanding, because that is HIS heart for you.

I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why I was so bound by an idea of having to depend on nobody, always be on top of everything, always be the best and then keep going. I have some ideas about some of it. But I think other parts will remain a mystery. Because in the end it’s as simple as this:

There is an identity you can cultivate without Christ.

And then there is who and what you were designed for.

There ain’t no in-between.

Make this the day you lay down the in-between.

And don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat

PS.

My latest program has arrived, it is in fact a mentorship, it is in fact 10 weeks together, and it is in fact in fact, EXACTLY in the vein of what God told me AS His daughter to do, which was –

go and do something fun and flow and play for you!

You know that vibe when you just CREATE a thing because it is joyful to create, you KNOW it is purposeful, even needed, but ultimately it’s just ‘THIS THING HAS TO COME OUT BECAUSE IT’S JUST THAT GOOD?!’

SHOW up.
SHAPE up.
SHIFT up.

Has arrived!

Yet ANOTHER Praise God He gave it to me download of where YOUR focus AND mine gets to be right now, as we dance, play, and UNAPOLOGETICALLY WITH NO HOLDS BARRED say yes to the way of doing messaging, content, online business, but also your body, your energy, your VIBE, in a way that just IS a yes –

and comes from a place of knowing that ‘I’m doing what I do because it’s what I’m meant to do’ not because I gotta do it to GET some place.

It’s so easy to opt out of the on fire life you know is FOR you, because you’ve got your identity all tangled up with your outcomes and so you end up either doing TOO much, or else hiding out and not showing up REMOTELY enough. When all that is needed is SNAP –

LET’S JUST GET THIS THING HAPPENING FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.

And in SHOW Up. SHAPE Up. SHIFT Up.

We do exactly that.

LET’S GO HAVE FUN WITH THIS THING GORGEOUS. There’s a place you’re meant to be right now. And it sure as ALL get out is not in the endless PUSH.

Oh, and guess what?

I just took the KILLER Top 10 bonus and turned it into an early-bird joining bonus. You have til Sunday!

www.thekatrinaruthshow.com/showupshapeupshiftup

THE PLACE IT’S TIME TO BE.

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