AVOIDANCE OF DEEPEST SELF
Do you ever feel as though you seem to have some kind of in-built mechanism which makes you want to AVOID YOUR SOUL WORK AT ALL COSTS?
I’ve just completed the download and transmission of the pre-work for my new program, Expansion.
I should have done it last week, when I first let the offer itself through and launched it, which was a full 7 days ago …
I DEFINITELY should have done it two days ago, because I at that point actively SAID it was going to drop that same day. Not because it needed to, the course itself doesn’t start for another 5 days still … no, I said it because I knew that then I would actually have to do it!
I REALLY should have therefore done it yesterday morning, given that by that point it was TECHNICALLY a whole new day (technically, because it depends on where you’re at, and in the US it was still the same day … loophole!), but I didn’t.
I thought about it.
I looked at my note to myself about it.
I TOLD myself I would do it in a particular gap of space I knew I had, and could.
But instead I lay on my 5 year old’s bed making Christmas shopping plans while my nanny and housekeeper took notes.
Which was fabulous, as Christmas is now organised AF! But this morning when I jack-in-the-boxed out of bed in possibly annoyingly perky fashion at 5am I knew that THAT WAS IT. I HAVE to let this download through today!
Now, it’s 8am and I’ve already done hot yoga plus about half a normal days work, INCLUDING sitting my ass in chair and letting.the.damn.work.through!
What I feel right now, is the post-orgasmic type vibe I ALWAYS feel when I truly do something deep, from soul, something POWERFUL, something that lets through every part of me. The guided meditation I created for my Expansion peeps for this pre-work is on soul remembrance, and in it, after 10 minutes or so of intention setting and teaching, around being ‘programmed to upgrade and remember’, we go into altogether another space and place as I connect you with long-forgotten and in some cases never even known (yet of course ALWAYS known!) pieces of you. Of your spirit. Of your consciousness. Of your DEEPEST and truest self. As is always the way when I get out of my own way and allow the message to take over, something COMPLETELY not just me came over me. If you listen to it, you’ll think I’ve probably guided this journey and remembrance, with the specific way we do it, a hundred times. But, I never had any idea I could do that or know that until 20 minutes ago when I did it!
Now I find myself sitting here in the coffee shop feeling a little … tender.
Shaky.
Exposed.
ShaKEN.
And deeply deeply connected to my truest self. Deeply in GRATITUDE, and recognition of the fact that what just came through me was not only powerful enough that I know people will find it worth the entire INVESTMENT of this program (and then some, since that’s so low!), but also of the fact that I know that THIS is the real work I am here for.
The work of my soul, the work I was born for, the work I don’t want to live without!
It ALSO happens to be, this sort of deep work, on which indeed my entire business is now built, the work I MOST WANT TO RESIST, AVOID, RUN, AND HIDE FROM!
Which, when you’ve got continual content to deliver, given you never stop launching, selling, creating, is just a SLIGHT bit of a nuisance!
Especially when you’re foolish enough, like me, to make proclamations such as ‘this is dropping today!’ Knowing full well that it will drop whenever the frick your soul says it will drop, and nor SHOULD it drop a moment before!
Those who know me best, who most deeply resonate with the true powerful work I do, my SOUL clients and community members, know this already of course. In fact, you probably laughed earlier in this blog as you saw me saying I ‘SHOULD’ have done it on this day, or that. You know it will come when it comes, and you actively would not WANT me to deliver it at any other time then when it presents itself! You know that the reason my work impacts you on such a massive level is because I allow it to come out in its time, in its way, and exactly as SOUL says it should, rather than my own or anyone else’s ideas of proper schedule or professionalism in business!
In fact, it’s quite rare these days that I do ever promise anything at any set time, because I know all of this. I used to drive myself mad publishing schedules and such in advance for my courses, because I could never then stick to them, or if I did my work was not my true soul work!
Nowadays, I state upfront in my courses that just because it’s 10 days (for example) doesn’t mean it will take place over 10 consecutive days … nor does it EVER mean things will drop at the same time each day or something … and basically nothing is planned in advance!
I allow for soul. I allow for flow. I choose to TRUST it will all come out perfectly, and – it does!
If you too are a creator who works best when first allowing space and time to drop INTO soul, I suggest you also consider dropping the idea of having set expectations you have to then adhere to!
But here is what else, and it’s the actual ass-whupping I came here today to serve up to you –
You BETTER bloody well make sure you DO then follow through, and let your true soul work have life breathed into it.
No, not just if or because you said you would, as part of an offer or a paid thing! I’m talking about in an everyday SHOWING UP FOR YOUR PURPOSE WORK sort of sense.
The real question to face into, is – if you never had to do anything –
And nobody was ever waiting on you –
And there was NO pressure or ‘requirement’ either to do with meeting promises made OR with money –
And if there was no guarantee of ANYONE ever listening –
WOULD you actually do the work of your soul, your truest and most important work?
Or would you continue to live an oh-so-busy life, running HARD at the race towards the dream, never stopping to admit that you’re chasing the wrong fucking dream and LIVING the wrong damn life?
When we do our truest work, we feel shaken, breathless, elated, exposed, lit up, orgasmic, powerful, apprehensive, raw, and so many other intense emotions, all at once! It’s not the sort of energetic state you can ignore. It DEMANDS attention. It DEMANDS, also, that you GIVE IT DUE RESPECT, and continue to make space for it.
In a word (or three) – it wakes you up.
And we know that once woken,
the eyes-closed sleep of the numb can never return
Once you KNOW, you can’t UNknow.
I think we understand how each time we DO allow ourselves to face resistance and confrontation full on, and then take a deep breath and PRESS PLAY ANYWAY, leading to the inevitable OUTPOURING of flow and soul certainty, we also commit ourselves ever deeper to the soul contract with our higher selves, which says –
You WILL give your life for this.
You know you will, yeah? You KNOW you can’t not!
And I guess the human self, the fear self, the part of us who still doesn’t feel worthy or who is just being reactive to the DISCOMFORT and the vulnerability of it all, that self can be pretty convincing at times! And we tell ourselves –
‘Oh! I didn’t have time!’
‘Oh! I wasn’t ready!’
‘Oh! It didn’t really matter, actually, that I did this other thing instead … or this pared down version … or just never –
ever –
got around to it –
at all’
MOSTLY, you’re faced with having to choose whether or not to follow through and do what you must when nobody IS listening, expecting, watching, waiting. Certainly if you ever want to get to where people PAY you to do that work, you can bet your sweet ass you’ll have needed to go through a pretty good whack of time first where you DID IT WHEN NOBODY WAS WATCHING.
For me, with this example today, I had a deadline of sorts. Sure, I passed my own self-imposed deadline a few times, but ultimately – it would get done before the course started, and it did.
But you have to understand, that for me to get to this point where I can not only unleash PROLIFIC amounts of free outpourings of my soul each day and people WANT to hear it, they’re waiting on it, they love it, but also where I can SELL based on doing this true work, doing courses such as ‘Rich From Your Soul Work’, and now ‘Expansion’, and so many others on the deep deep inner game before that, I first spent a HELLA amount of time showing up for my soul when nobody was watching –
Nobody was ‘liking’ –
at all.
It was THE HARDEST DAMN THING I EVER DID. To face into that raw, vulnerable, exposed feeling and NOT receive any validation for it, NOT have it serving anyone, or at least not in that moment!! On top of it to experience the elated bliss you feel when you DO do your true work, but then to have to try not to feel let down when nobody seemed to give a fuck!
Can you imagine? How hard it feels to face into the dragons fire every day, then DO the damn thing, then feel as though it’s getting you NOWHERE, and meanwhile you still can’t pay your damn bills?!
I know you can … I bet for a lot of people reading this it’s EXACTLY where you are now!
And because it really IS so hard, for all those reasons but also just because doing soul work even WITH immediate physical world reward is still SO confronting, and we naturally want to shy from our true power, is precisely why MOST people will simply never do the damn thing.
Never make space
Never drop in and allow
Never let go of trying to do it on other peoples terms perhaps, rather than giving themselves permission to do it on their terms, on their souls terms (as I certainly do, and despite my feeling of mild frustration that I DIDN’T let this download through sooner I actually make no apology for it coming when it was damn meant to!)
Never press play
Never even start at all
Instead, living out their days in a constant contracted battle, fighting to feel awake, fighting to feel switched on, fighting to feel motivated, fighting against the continual pull of sabotage, wondering why they can’t stop binging, numbing, destroying, scrolling, CRYING, and DYING on the inside.
If that sounds familiar, BELIEVE me, you’re not alone. I get it. I have BEEN that person, too many times to care to remember.
And, there is a way out.
It’s not the road well travelled …
It’s NOT what most would call the easy road, but if you think about it, which path is actually harder? Doing what it takes to follow your soul, or continuing to drown in the wrong damn life?!
I know what I choose.
I had to CHOOSE it over and over though. I GET to choose it again DAILY. Every day, I am faced with the choice of ‘do I lean IN to my soul, or do I make up bullshit reasons why I didn’t get to it today?’
The thing with not getting to it today is, it DOES become a case of ‘oh shit, I just died and I never got round to doing what I said I would, what I knew I could, what my SOUL told me I should!’
That’s reality. It’s true in all areas of life. You KNOW this.
So I guess all I’m trying to say here, alongside whatever your soul has already kicked you in the butt about reading this, is simple:
If you have a gift,
DAMN WELL USE IT.
The world is waiting.
And living an alive LIFE?
Depends on it.
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