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Business Mindset

I’M A HIGH MAINTENANCE DIVA PRINCESS …

{Daily Asskickery for December 21, 2015}

I do a lot of really fucking stupid stuff, you know? Stuff where I see myself, almost like from the outside looking in, and I wonder – what the FUCK are you doing? And WHY?

Take last night.

8pm, put kids down to sleep; fell asleep with them.

10.30pm woke up, felt annoyed I’d missed out on ‘my time’, so got up and smashed down an ESPRESSO flavoured Magnum ice-cream of all things, 2 glasses of wine, and half a ‘healthy’ Paleo treat.

Because of … I don’t know? I wanted to prove like some kind of crazy kid that I could still have my time and relax and NOBODY CAN STOP ME? And then this morning getting up at 5am (after finally falling asleep post caffeine sugar alcohol hit at 1am) I felt like SHIT, so freaking nauseous and just BLEUGH.

But yet I bet I’ll do the same thing again at some point or another; when the memory of how stupid it was wears off!

I know it’s not a big deal, these little sabotages, but I really do a LOT of stupid stuff. Stuff that would just make you shake your head and wonder how on earth I’ve got to where I am now.

I say stuff that’s completely inappropriate or downright offensive … often.

I PUSH on an argument rather than just letting it go …

I ALWAYS leave EVERYTHING until the last minute, no matter how big of a deal it is. In my final year of school I studied ONLY in the car on the way to school for the final exams! I GUARANTEE you that even if I were on TedX or Ellen (WHICH WILL BOTH HAPPEN!) I’d prepare precisely nothing until probably about 10 seconds before I had to go live, and even then maybe not.

I avoid answering phone calls, letters, email demands or generally anything personal admin related. I avoid all this stuff in my biz as well, but I do pay staff to do it for me.

I broke EVERY last rule about how you’re supposed to teach a child to sleep, eat, walk, breathe, risking a NIGHTMARE OF A CHILD WHO DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO LIVE being created. Well, 2 of them actually!

I won’t follow instructions in my business, fitness or personal life EVEN WHEN I PAY FOR THEM.

I OFTEN invest vast amounts of money, time, energy and emotion into new ideas and then just DUMP them on completion or close to.

I will lose my SHIT over something I don’t like, no matter how small or insignicant it may appear to be and basically just dig my heels in and refuse to back down.

I’ve risked COMPLETE HOMELESSNESS for my family and I many times by just refusing to accept short or long-term leases (we’ve been living a travel-based life for several years now, so always moving) unless they are EXACTLY what I want, and no matter if ‘nothing else is available’ and we’ve got NO time left to hold out.

I REFUSE to be ‘professional’ in how I create my content, do my videos, speak, talk, fucking BREATHE.

I have walked away from every single job I have had, often just gone to lunch or something and never come back.

And I’ve fucked up a fair few friendships as well, by just STOPPING talking.

If you went through my life with a fine tooth-comb (or even just spent any amount of time with me) you’d probably think I’m the most awful sort of procrastinating self-saboteur angry fucking crazy selfish bitch you ever met!

Basically I do what I want –

No matter what I want –

REGARDLESS of how inconvenient or downright TROUBLESOME it is –

Even if it costs me more money, time, whatever –

And even if the short-term outcome of it puts ME into a bit of a BIG FUCKING PICKLE.

In short: I want what I want, how I want it, when I want it.

YEP … I’m a total princess fucking diva. WITH bells on.

It is NOT always fun to work for / live with / be around me.

In fact a lot of the time – JUST DON’T!! (Honestly, I really do think I was born to be alone MOST of the time).

But you know what, here’s the thing. I spent so many fucking years telling myself to get more organised. Be a real grown-up. Be PROFESSIONAL. Be appropriate God damn it, and learn to bloody well follow through!

I felt so BAD about myself, in a real way. And seriously worried, as well.

I was sure I was going to completely fuck up my life; certain I already WAS doing so. And I tried, I really did try, to get on TOP of all these stupid foolish baby girl sabotages. I gave it a good shot and sometimes would even seem to be SUCCEEDING at being a Real Proper Person.

But sooner or later, like fucking clockwork, it would all come crashing down again.

And I just couldn’t seem to EVER fully break through.

It was so frustrating to feel that despite how truly SUCCESSFUL I was overall, I had all these really weak CHARACTER traits I still needed to stamp out.

The cool thing was, that despite all of this back and forth, I was still able to achieve a lot.

I’ve worked for myself since my early twenties, almost the entire time.

Been mostly in shit hot shape.

Traveled an INSANE amount; the last 2 years have been non-stop‪#‎laptoplife‬ travel but even before that I always traveled anytime I wanted to.

Built up several personal blogs that seriously kicked ass.

Created over 100 different online products and programs.

Published over 40 books on Amazon, all but one best-sellers.

Had 2 amazing kidlets and kept building my business throughout, WHILST still being the Mum I want to be.

Overcome serious full-blown insomnia, binge eating and bulimia, and a first marriage VERY messy divorce.

Done Tough Mudder and rocked it.

Came 10th in a National Yoga Comp.

Fought through a 100k debt and near bankruptcy to create my TRUE aligned business and life.

Made millions online.

Helped THOUSANDS of incredible ‪#‎revolutionaryfucking‬ leaders press play, through extreme business, fitness, life.

Built a name for myself.

Built a brand from myself.

Built a fucking dream LIFE – mine! – for myself.

And am LIVING it. STILL in great shape. Making the MONEY I want. Being the MUM I want to be. Sharing my true MESSAGE with the world. Living my fucking CALLING,and all from exactly the dream location(s) I want to be in.

I mean honestly I don’t even seem to have to put up with a bad coffee in my life, let alone anything else! EVERYTHING I want …

I get.

And honestly?

I don’t know HOW I managed to ‘achieve’ so much while being such a chaotic frenzied stubborn-bloody-minded MESS so much of the time!

I guess I just got lucky …

I guess things just worked OUT for me …

I guess I somehow managed IN SPITE of all my madness to HAVE MY VERSION OF IT ALL, while COMPLETELY being me.

So.fucking.FORTUNATE that I managed to be and do and have all this while being TOTALLY THE MAD CRAZY DIVA BITCH I AM.

Right?

RIGHT?!

So.

The thing is –

(If you’re a leader, a visionary, an artist with a true fucking MESSAGE to share) –

You ARE going to be a bit of a crazy chaotic messy random downright annoying rude inappropriate unprofessional IRRESPONSIBLE lunatic at times.

I know.

It’s a problem.

You MIGHT EVEN get up in the night and eat espresso ice-cream at times!!

Never mind the REALLY big stuff where you sabotage EVERYTHING with your bad bad behaviour and disorganised freaking personality.

Let’s just be HONEST about this stuff that’s WRONG with you, yeah?

But here is the other thing:

If you’re lucky –

OH so lucky –

And you catch a LOT of breaks –

You very well might come out shining anyway.

You might MAKE it in spite of yourself! You might LEARN how to GET THERE ANYWAY.

And one day –

Maybe –

Just maybe –

It might even hit you:

It wasn’t in spite.

It was because.

It was ALWAYS fucking because.

Because you’re the crazy one.

Because you’re the lunatic.

Because you’re the selfish –

Diva –

Irresponsible –

Crazy –

Bitch –

Creator –

Who won’t.back.down.

THAT is why you’re where you are now.

Which, even though it may WELL still feel crazy chaotic WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK (and btw that feeling never fully goes away!) is EXACTLY where you’re meant to be.

Which is EXACTLY what will take you to where you NEXT need to be.

Which is EXACTLY what will ALLOW you to your DESTINY.

But this only HAPPENS if you stay true.

To what you’re called to do.

But also to WHO YOU FUCKING ARE.

Haven’t you had enough of telling yourself to get your shit together?

And wouldn’t it be so AWESOME to realise –

That what will GET YOU there?

Is who you are.

Even the random ice-cream sabotages … that wasn’t just a (not so) pretty story I’m sharing for no reason; that incident sparked me writing this entire post; the idea for which I had while DETOXING that shit in 6am Bikram yoga class this morning.

And you know what else?

YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

There are a TON of us crazy random DIVA creator leaders out there.

It’s a WHOLE FUCKING REVOLUTION.

And it’s one of those of us who are CALLED TO CHANGE THE WORLD … and are doing so not in SPITE but because.

You have to take ownership of this stuff.

You can EXPLODE your truth when you OWN your truth.

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

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