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Purpose

ON RETURNING TO GOD, CHOOSING WHAT TO TRUST IN AND BE LED BY, AND THE PECULIAR BOREDOM OF HAVING IT ALL

Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know what I want to do, what the next step is for me to break through with, who I want to become, or where I want to go.

It’s all just so damn REPETITIVE.

But then again – the things I repeat are the exact things I most want to do, and have my life be about.

Whenever I give myself permission NOT to do them, I end up flailing, lost, and feeling kind of gross; wishing I’d just stuck with my normal routine. Kind of like when you give yourself permission to have a day on the couch not washing and just eating ALLLLL the crap, while staying inside in the dark feeding your mind with mindless trash –

Sure. Sounds like a great idea at the time, but afterwards, ugh – not so much.

Of course it’s not as though the only other option if I don’t do my normal do each day – aka my soul and flow work – is to sit around at the opposite extreme feeding trash into my every orifice, physical and otherwise. But then again, anything fun, adventurous, nature-filled, exciting, luxurious, soul-rejuvenating that I could do instead of my normal do is pretty much already precisely what I DO do as part of my regular everyday life!

Ahhh, the peculiar and not-so-easy-to-sympathise-with (I imagine!) turmoil of having already creating your dream life, and having day after day after ever-lovin’ day stretching ahead of you where you only get to do what you want,

Unleashing the true work of your soul,

Surrounded with only the most badass peeps,

And in exactly wherever the fuck you most desire to be that day!

Time and space and money and abundance in all things and support all infinite!

Yep.

I can already see how this blog is going to be super fucking effective at isolating nearly everybody. Haha. But those who feel me? Those who, like me, have done the damn thing of BECOMING the damn thing who has her version of EVERYTHING, or pretty much so, and yet is STILL SOMEHOW SEEKING?

You feel me.

I KNOW you feel me.

A year ago I could have said that what was missing was God, and it was true. I was run run running from God for the very most part of my adult life. Never ‘anti’ God or church or any of it. Certainly still considering myself Christian. But actively seeking God, daily? Nah … not so much. I’d got myself all caught in a story that God required PERFECTION and all-day err-day repentance or else you’d be CAST OUT INTO THE BOWELS OF HELL.

I forgot that I’d ever learned the grace bit. Maybe I didn’t ever learn it?! Certainly I must have HEARD it, being as how I was born into the church and raised there my entire life, my Grandfather and Uncle both preachers, my parents Deacons, my whole upbringing absolutely CHRISTIAN.

But, it never felt as though it ‘took’, for me. I felt like I was doing it wrong. I would go to the front of the church again and again and again, and I just didn’t FEEL what I thought I was meant to. As I grew older, in my teens, my friends certainly all seemed to be feeling it, and I found myself gradually pulling away, assigning myself the role of not belonging, not doing it right, not being like the others.

And eventually feeling like I had to give up because I couldn’t keep up, and besides – I just kept sinning! Clearly I wasn’t cut out for this stuff.

But I always knew I’d return.

I’ve always known that the prophecies of my childhood would come to pass.

And that I would ultimately become a leader, with a platform, asking God to use her.

Funny how things always work out precisely how we always knew they would.

How did I return to God? I was watching my children jump on the trampoline. My daughter was asking about R.E. at school. Complaining about it, really. “Why do I have to go; why can’t I do Values?”. Values is what the non-R.E. kids do.

“Values!”, I said. “I don’t like the sound of that! Who knows WHAT they are teaching. Probably to be open-minded about every damn thing! Probably insidiously anti-God”. (not sure if I used the word ‘insidious’ to my 9-year old. I may have.)

“Why does God even MATTER though?”, she said.

And in that moment, I tell you, I felt the very breath leave my body and I damn near fell to my knees in shock.

How had I NEVER BEFORE REALISED that, while I at least was afforded a thorough education into Christianity and could, as an adult, make a conscious choice as to whether or not to live it, I wasn’t even giving my children that CHOICE. They literally didn’t even know the BASICS. Sure, they’d been at Sunday School a couple of times, but a foundation of learning about God, His love, His purpose, all the stuff I took for granted and, at my core, definitely always believed?

Not even close.

That was it, the switch was flicked right then and there, and we haven’t skipped a week of church since, but I don’t mean we simply started attending a building filled with religious people on a Sunday –

I went seeking GOD. To know and understand and be held by Him in a way I’d never I suppose been ready for or certainly never allowed before.

That wasn’t so long ago, and I am still very much learning, week by week, not just through church, but through weekly home life group attendance (you’d be shocked, SHOCKED at how open / hilarious / probably not PC the discussion is there … Christian people are cool y’all, you heard it here!!), now also attending the Alpha course (new Christian’s course … I thought I wouldn’t learn too much here given I was in church before Alpha was invented, but boy was I wrong!), planning to attend Bible School in some form next year, and of course through a DAILY seeking of God, and bit by bit education and conversation around Him in my home. The learning, as in all things, will never end.

But as far as the whole anxiety of something MISSING in my life, the continual feeling I tried to pretend I didn’t carry of feeling just EVER so slightly choked by fear and terrified by death, the KNOWING that as much as I yabbered on all day long on the Internet about alignment I WASN’T ON PATH, I gotta tell you –

All of that disappeared the very first Sunday I was back in His presence. Still wondering if this time it would take, if I could do it right, if I was good enough for God.

Since then I have learned, just on a not-so-side-note, that it is not possible to not be good enough for God, and that, as with all things, the feeling follows the discipline of simply BEING the person who you know you’re meant to be, whether or not you feel it. There’s a reason faith, unshakeable faith, is often built on a foundation of blind trust. Faith by definition is trusting in something you can’t feel or don’t have proof of, but yet you just KNOW, at your core, that you can’t say no to this.

I could no longer say no.

And as for the proof bit, well, I don’t need it, but fascinatingly, I have learned some pretty damn solid proof and evidence and yes even SCIENCE-backed stuff on Christianity, the Bible, prayer, and so on, through Alpha. Did you know science was FOUNDED in Christianity, that the original scientists such as Galileo were all Christians? Did you know that there is literally HUNDREDS of times more proof of the historical accuracy fo the Bible in its current state than what there is of ANY other currently accepted-as-accurate historical literacy?

Many people like to say they still can’t trust in God because of concerns of the Bible being accurate, or because of this or that or the other thing, well in the end, you can find the proof if you need it, but also – THAT’S NOT WHAT FAITH IS.

Faith is trusting because you can’t not, or no longer can not.

And truly, I can’t stress this enough – when you start to seek God, and understand what having Him on your side actually means, and how a lot of what you MAY have been taught about God, or Christianity, or Church, was PEOPLE-led and not God-led, you may (as I have been) find yourself SHOCKED at how much better / easier / yes life is, and how damn hard you were making it!! You’re going to have to stop (only) asking and start seeking though, start trusting, bit by bit maybe but still, at some point …

Where were we?!

This was supposed to be a blog about what is missing in the day to day awesomeness of me having achieved near to all of my ‘dream biz and life’ goals, and now being bored with the repetitive perfection of it all.

(Well, a lot of people have been asking me more about the God stuff, so I guess here it is!)

Anyway, the repetitive life stuff –

Maybe right now you’ve not even close to actually achieved everything you wanna (and nor am I, really; are we ever?!) and yet you still find yourself bored with the repetitive blahness of it all.

I don’t know if I have the answer.

I do know I sat down to journal on said answer for my own purposes, and somehow ended up writing this post instead, so, back to my usual inner work – coffee – blog routine, and now, as a result of falling into said routine, am already feeling better then when I started, purpose once more finding me.

Purpose is always to be found in leaning into the rituals which we know are OURS.

But at the same time –

There is nothing wrong or bad with wanting to shake things up. With consciously feeling into that, as opposed to doing what many of us do before we begin to understand ourselves a little, which is to sabotage shit so that it blows up and then we have variety, challenge, spiciness.

Well – what if your every day life could naturally include variety, challenge, spiciness, uncertainty, CHAOS, the expansive and soul-enriching kind, and you didn’t even have to go looking for it, trying to figure out how, or ‘make it happen’.

And what if it was as simple as this:

“God, use me for your will today”.

And then you let go, surrender, allow yourself to be led moment by moment, nudged from within, from Him, and you TRUST.

What if you inherently just trusted –

That all your needs and desires were taken care of,

Fully,

Now.

And that your only job was to let yourself be guided down the rabbit hole without continually trying to figure out the whole damn thing in advance, or try to know more than what He knows, what you actually need.

Life is just a big game of trust, and follow the damn flow.

The question is – who and what have you chosen to put your trust in,

and what is the flow which is leading you?

Maybe living the dream was never so much about getting all the markers and milestones of such checked off, saying “look, look at what I did and got and became!”, and instead maybe it was about this –

Letting go of all of it and allowing your life to be an ever-changing mosaic of moments in which you dropped expectation and the continual need to HAVE or ATTAIN in order to BE,

listened,

And then did what you were fucking told.

PS.

The closer you get to purpose and truth, the more the voice of the Devil (or fear if you prefer) will try to sway you

I post this and I feel like I’m going to THROW UP. So gross. I feel instantly self-conscious, vulnerable, even ashamed! The voice tells me I am being lame.. attention seeking… acting like I’m something I’m not… who do you think you are… people don’t want to hear this… you’re just going on and on about God stuff too much now.. you don’t even know what you’re talking about anyway!

I want to delete it, run and hide, STILL throw up

I go to the gym feeling yuck. Contracted. Deflated. Heavy. Hanging my head. , and a bit fat too! Just to top it off. Ugh. It’s all too much sometimes. Am I damaging my brand? People rolling their eyes at me? Looking like an idiot? Yuck yuck yuck

I remind myself of the rules: YOU GOT WHERE YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU LET THE DAMN MESSAGE BE THE MESSAGE

And because you press publish anyway, every time, ESPECIALLY when you feel this way

I get under the iron. Load up the weight. Get Eminem blasting. Feel like I’m going to cry. And start bench pressing my way back to remembering who the fuck I am.

Today feels like a good day for a new weight lifting max…

This is how it’s done
It’s the only way I’ve ever done it…

Remember that the voice which comes after the first voice is not the real voice.

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Rebel.
Upstart.
Fuck the system; screw the rules.
Won’t do what they told me.
Too much.
Unreasonable.
Ridiculous.
Unprofessional.
Crazy!

Should I go on? I could, but I think you get the picture.

You’re the one who is not only not like the other PEOPLE, you’re also not like the other entrepreneurs.

They, they actually think they’re different; non-conformists?! Don’t make me laugh. You and I both see it as it is:

They just wanna be told how to build a pretty little website and a pretty little social media page or three and a pretty little online product or course and get their pretty little headshots and do a pretty little pre-scripted dance all over the internet so that other equally pretty fucking bland and boring and same same-y peoples pay them money,

And they can all sit in a pretty little womans circle together patting each other linking elbows and stroking each others hair and singing Kumbaya as the sun sets over another day of sinking ever deeper into the unremarkableness that is their lives.

They are the ones who are not only willing to jump through hoops, they also want to build more hoops for other people; they want to perpetuate the hoop jumping life and their whole sales pitch is basically some version of “I will help you to have a better and shinier hoop, come see!”

lolol

BUT REALLY.

Meanwhile, you –

You’ve tried the hoop-jumping life, maybe more than what you care to admit. And, whilst you’ve nothing against sitting around with other ladeez and stroking each others hair, you and your girls; the real ones?

You don’t exactly fit in in the typical woman’s circle.

You don’t feel at home with the pretty-preneurs, not even on the internet let alone in real life.

You don’t actually GIVE a fuck about having all your shit perfect,

Polished,

And just so –

And the idea of having sales and marketing and content processes which you have to systematically pre-plan and then work through and endlessly join dots with?

Makes you want to hurl.

Sure –

You’ve bought in at times to do the idea that maybe you DO gotta do it as they say.

An automated webinar, perhaps?? Facebook ads which carefully and smartly tell the world who you are and how you can help? A sales plan proven and tested by the greats. The gradual sinking slow decline of your soul, your joy, your dreams, and even your pussy as everything within you that once knew she could HAVE IT ALL AND DO LIFE HER WAY SLOWLY DRIES,

WITHERS TO NOTHING,

AND DIES?

Sure –

Why not

And look.

It’s not that any of these things are bad or wrong. Maybe right now you’ve got to a certain point by playing by the rules … kind of. Following what ‘logic’ suggests you do. Breaking free here and there with wild little jaunts into over the top madness, noticing how THAT lights you up and also how people respond to it … but ultimately continuing to go back to trying to find the right fucking system to get you to where you want to go,

Because this thing of trying to just be you interspersed with trying to get it all right and make it work, well –

It’s God damn tiring –

But also, in the end, if we’re going to be black and white about it, it hasn’t got you to where you want to be!!

You KNOW you should be making SO much more money.

NOW.

With consistency, and yeah, while of course of COURSE you’re down for doing the work, you also feel like it SHOULD be a lot easier, more flow

And you know that you know that you know that you’ve still not let out the most unrestrained and fully expressed side of you!

– The you they can’t look away from
– The you they are MAGNETIZED by
– The you who automatically commands a huge freakin’ following, and sales to match it

You know who I’m talking about –

THE MILLIONAIRE REBEL YOU!

Starting January 18th!

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

The revolutionary fucking leader who tears SHREDS off of normal every damn day before the rest of the world has barely sipped its coffee!

Who is FULLY unleashed in what she says, how she shows up, how she does business, how she does life.

Who does not give a fuck about following rules! Or sales systems! Or strategies! Who can and will do what works for HER, and if it happens to resemble other ways people build an audience and make a fuckload of money online, cool, and if not, so what! That is not the point! The point is –

She knows what works for her.
She backs herself unapologetically.
She DOES it.

And she gets the damn results. The BIG results. The CONSISTENT results. The FUCK yes results, not just with money but with the VIBERY of it all.

Imagine …

Waking up every day and KNOWING you have crushed the day before it already begun because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ROLL!

* Your shit sells (at any and all price point)
* Your creativity and inner ideas machine flows endlessly (you always know what to put out into the world and that when you speak people PAUSE EVERYTHING AND LISTEN, whether it is with free content and shenaniganery or with your paid stuff)
* You don’t even have to think about low end or high end or how to take people through a value ladder or some such bullshit, the value ladder is YOU CONTINUING TO BE YOU, and the more that you DO you the more people just take themselves through whatever it is you’re offering!
* It is easy, natural, fun, and OBVIOUS how to build your automated income, funnels, the ‘cash machine’ side of your business.
* In fact the whole damn thing feels fun and easy and like you’re just being you (the full on you, the too much you, the rebel you, the fuck all of ’em THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR AND NOW I’M GONNA TELL YOU you!),
* and at the same time you have the DEEPLY grounded and certain knowledge that the way you’re doing it, hot mess and chaos vibes and all, is WORKING. PS – the reason you feel certain of this is because your bank balance and soulmate audience and their feedback reflects it, not bc your spirit guides told you it’s coming

All of this is ALREADY available to you.

It is who you are and what you were born for.

You did not come here for normal!

You are one of the truly crazy ones, who has something inside of her that will leave the world BREATHLESS –
and allow her to make millions and impact millions –

BUT NOT IF SHE CONTINUES TO DO BUSINESS AND LIFE BY TRYING TO SOMEHOW BE A NON-CONFORMIST WHO CONTINUALLY CAVES AND CONFORMS.

For this to work,

REALLY work, like next next NEXT level $ and life flow work,
you’re going to need to FULLY turn your back on the idea that your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of you adjusting, filtering, compromising, playing the game the way the other entrepreneurs are playing it, or worrying about what the fuck your social media looks like!

What you’re going to need to do is simple:

FLICK THE DAMN REBEL MILLIONAIRE SWITCH BABY.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

All in on madness.
All in on crazy.
All in on chaos.
All in on the TRUE epic awesome ridiculousness and too much-ness of YOU.

REBEL MILLIONAIRE

Starting January 18th!

For those who were born to run the damn thing,

To turn the world on its head and dance on top of it,

And who are ready to do just that.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/