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Self confidence
Purpose

When I Am Perfect –

I put on jeans today for the first time this year. This is going to sound silly, and I feel like a bit of an idiot even for writing about it, resistance is doing a damn good job of telling me I’m making myself look ridiculous right now, but I bet I’m not alone and so I will –

It’s kind of a really big deal for me to feel confident enough to leave the house, or heck even BE in the house, wearing jeans. I know a lot of my fitness girls will understand this particular little obsessive compulsive situation, but of course it’s representative of so much more …

I typically avoid wearing them because I feel like I’m never in good enough shape, and that I just look fat in them. I feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, and very much ON DISPLAY. Being an athletic build often makes me feel like, when I put on ‘normal’ clothes, that I just look BIG, and so, for the most part – I avoid normal clothes. I like being the gym chick, it’s definitely who I am to shower after the gym and then get into another gym outfit to leave the gym, but at the same time –

It’s a way of hiding. It’s like a mask, a second skin, and that can be a good thing at times, ain’t nothing wrong with retreating now and again, but at the same time, hmmm. Maybe not always ideal?

Especially when it comes from a place of ‘when I am good enough / better / perfect, then I can _______ (insert all the things you’re not pressing play on because you don’t feel good enough yet)’. You know?

I realised last week in yoga class that I may actually have some kind of body dysmorphia. There’s a girl who I always see in my class, who is SUPER thin. Frail even. I always notice her in the change-rooms, and I guess I’ve just observed something in my mind about how tiny this girl is, how small her waist is, especially. The other day she and I ended up next to each other in class. Both wearing shorts and crop tops. And I was SHOCKED as I realised that, standing side by side with her, I couldn’t deny that my waist and her waist were pretty much exactly the same. Now I definitely would not say this makes me realise I’m actually ‘frail’; I’m pretty muscular, but to have it kind of shoved in my face that this girl who I thought was SO much tinier than me is actually about the same around the mid-section as I am, well – it honestly felt like a BIG wake-up call.

One which got me thinking of all the ways in which I STILL put off fully living my life, because, for my entire adult life and a little bit longer, there’s always been this God damn mantra in my head that ‘when I am tiny enough, I can – ‘

What?

Well, I’ll tell you what. And maybe you can’t relate to the body stuff, maybe you just think I’m crazy and you’re rolling your eyes at me, but before you scoff too hard at how out of whack both my perception and my standards apparently are, just think about this –

Right now, there are definitely areas in your life where you’re not pressing play, where you have your life on hold, because you’re telling yourself some version of ‘first I must ______ ‘.

First I must be better.

First I must be further along.

First I must do it right.

First I must be GOOD enough for that, and then I can do it right.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I know. 🙂

Believe me, I do see the irony here. Of what I teach, of what my tagline on literally thousands of blogs now is, and of how I’m doing the exact opposite here. We all have our areas to work on. And, we always teach what we need.

As I drove along to the airport this afternoon, JEANS STILL ON (a big deal!! Really!!) and feeling like a woman for it, top down on my convertible to further the whole ‘done hiding’ thang, I thought about all the things I’ve been putting on pause, delaying my LIFE for, because I’ve been running a story which says I’m not yet good enough for that.

A tired old story, is the truth of the matter! Just one which, even though of course a part of me HAS known this, I’ve still not felt ready to let go of.

Telling myself I can’t wear jeans (or numerous other ‘proper woman’ clothes) because I don’t look perfect yet, spending literally decades now waiting for that perfect time when I’m ‘just right’ … as though I’m a fucking avocado or something, gotta get that one perfect day, then blink – and it’s gone.

Do you know where else I’ve just noticed the same pattern? This is gonna seem SUPER random at first, until you realise it’s just more of the same thing; delaying living the life you know you’re meant to live in one way or another. Church! I’ve just started going to church again, COMMITTEDLY. The pull got too damn strong; I couldn’t ignore it anymore. It’s always the way in the end…

So yes, I’ve now taken the time to do the rounds, choose a home church, and have now signed up at it, so to speak. Church and what it MEANS is now once more a consistent part of my life, and not just for Sundays.

Wanna know how long it’s been since I’ve attended church consistently, and allowed myself to feel actually part of it?

..

….

Uhhhh, well the attending consistently thing, definitely a couple decades. The feeling part of it thing? 25 years? Nearly 30? I grew up in church, my family is all Christian, I am Christian, my Grandfather was a preacher, church is a part of me I don’t want to NOT be a part of me and yet I’ve felt separated from it and then also HAVE separated myself from it for all that time because –

I haven’t felt good enough for God.

In my teens I felt like I somehow ‘missed out’ on the revolution all my friends got caught up in, and I just couldn’t seem to ‘get it’. Eventually I stopped trying. Life took me in all sorts of messy directions and I’ve just felt, well – unworthy. No need to preach to me on the grace of God, I know all of this! But that doesn’t mean I’ve allowed myself to feel it.

The entire time, the ENTIRE time in which I’ve not been going to church I’ve known I WILL go back some day, and it will be all in, in a way which frankly scares me a little as I remember things which were prophesised over me and which I do believe, so that’s kind of another thing, but the real thing? It’s just never been the perfect time, I’ve not yet been the perfect or worthy me. I’ve been waiting to feel acceptable. For 20+ years.

Funny. 🙂

There are other areas which come to mind for me as well. I look at the choices I’ve made with men, and again, with quiet and non-judgemental observation, just – notice. How again, there’s this awareness that ‘one day I will ______, allow in _____,’ and a KNOWING within me that this will come to pass, but yet my actions have actively demonstrated otherwise.

Can you think of an area in your life which is like that for you?

You KNOW you’re destined for a particular thing, you feel the call, you have a certainty in your soul which says that THIS is what you get to have, THIS is how you get to feel, THIS is what is ordained for you, and yet – 

You’re waiting.

Just – waiting.

Waiting to be ready.

Waiting to be perfect.

Waiting to be worthy.

Waiting for a sign.

Just – waiting.

The thing is, as Dr Seuss himself says, on waiting, (God too!), NO –

That’s not for you.

Well, you KNOW it’s not for you, and yet, it is still a choice you have to make.

One of the bravest ones, I think, to see our own areas of insecurity, of self-consciousness, and the stories we play out which our conscious mind KNOWS are really really SILLY as much as they are really really REAL, and to take a deep breath and decide to do the damn thing anyway.

Walk through the church doors, terrified of not being enough or of not fitting in, not being like the others –

Speak your true message through all the fear of rejection

Name and claim to yourself the exact standards your soul holds for a relationship, and precisely what you’re going to call in –

PUT ON THE DAMN JEANS!!

You get the idea 😉

Do you know what’s always so hilarious, about this sort of work?

It’ll take you usually less than a day, once you decide to be that person, to remember you ever found it so scary. The jeans feel super comfy and HAWT, super quick. So to speak!

Do you wanna know WHY this is true?

Because you already were the damn person. You’ve just been playing a really long game of pretending otherwise. But don’t kid yourself this is about becoming someone you don’t know how to be, and practising at doing it right so nobody notices.

This is plain and simple about giving in to who you always were.

And I’d say that’s something worthy leaping for. Maybe sorta also something you’d be crazy not to.

 

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Rebel.
Upstart.
Fuck the system; screw the rules.
Won’t do what they told me.
Too much.
Unreasonable.
Ridiculous.
Unprofessional.
Crazy!

Should I go on? I could, but I think you get the picture.

You’re the one who is not only not like the other PEOPLE, you’re also not like the other entrepreneurs.

They, they actually think they’re different; non-conformists?! Don’t make me laugh. You and I both see it as it is:

They just wanna be told how to build a pretty little website and a pretty little social media page or three and a pretty little online product or course and get their pretty little headshots and do a pretty little pre-scripted dance all over the internet so that other equally pretty fucking bland and boring and same same-y peoples pay them money,

And they can all sit in a pretty little womans circle together patting each other linking elbows and stroking each others hair and singing Kumbaya as the sun sets over another day of sinking ever deeper into the unremarkableness that is their lives.

They are the ones who are not only willing to jump through hoops, they also want to build more hoops for other people; they want to perpetuate the hoop jumping life and their whole sales pitch is basically some version of “I will help you to have a better and shinier hoop, come see!”

lolol

BUT REALLY.

Meanwhile, you –

You’ve tried the hoop-jumping life, maybe more than what you care to admit. And, whilst you’ve nothing against sitting around with other ladeez and stroking each others hair, you and your girls; the real ones?

You don’t exactly fit in in the typical woman’s circle.

You don’t feel at home with the pretty-preneurs, not even on the internet let alone in real life.

You don’t actually GIVE a fuck about having all your shit perfect,

Polished,

And just so –

And the idea of having sales and marketing and content processes which you have to systematically pre-plan and then work through and endlessly join dots with?

Makes you want to hurl.

Sure –

You’ve bought in at times to do the idea that maybe you DO gotta do it as they say.

An automated webinar, perhaps?? Facebook ads which carefully and smartly tell the world who you are and how you can help? A sales plan proven and tested by the greats. The gradual sinking slow decline of your soul, your joy, your dreams, and even your pussy as everything within you that once knew she could HAVE IT ALL AND DO LIFE HER WAY SLOWLY DRIES,

WITHERS TO NOTHING,

AND DIES?

Sure –

Why not

And look.

It’s not that any of these things are bad or wrong. Maybe right now you’ve got to a certain point by playing by the rules … kind of. Following what ‘logic’ suggests you do. Breaking free here and there with wild little jaunts into over the top madness, noticing how THAT lights you up and also how people respond to it … but ultimately continuing to go back to trying to find the right fucking system to get you to where you want to go,

Because this thing of trying to just be you interspersed with trying to get it all right and make it work, well –

It’s God damn tiring –

But also, in the end, if we’re going to be black and white about it, it hasn’t got you to where you want to be!!

You KNOW you should be making SO much more money.

NOW.

With consistency, and yeah, while of course of COURSE you’re down for doing the work, you also feel like it SHOULD be a lot easier, more flow

And you know that you know that you know that you’ve still not let out the most unrestrained and fully expressed side of you!

– The you they can’t look away from
– The you they are MAGNETIZED by
– The you who automatically commands a huge freakin’ following, and sales to match it

You know who I’m talking about –

THE MILLIONAIRE REBEL YOU!

Starting January 18th!

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

The revolutionary fucking leader who tears SHREDS off of normal every damn day before the rest of the world has barely sipped its coffee!

Who is FULLY unleashed in what she says, how she shows up, how she does business, how she does life.

Who does not give a fuck about following rules! Or sales systems! Or strategies! Who can and will do what works for HER, and if it happens to resemble other ways people build an audience and make a fuckload of money online, cool, and if not, so what! That is not the point! The point is –

She knows what works for her.
She backs herself unapologetically.
She DOES it.

And she gets the damn results. The BIG results. The CONSISTENT results. The FUCK yes results, not just with money but with the VIBERY of it all.

Imagine …

Waking up every day and KNOWING you have crushed the day before it already begun because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ROLL!

* Your shit sells (at any and all price point)
* Your creativity and inner ideas machine flows endlessly (you always know what to put out into the world and that when you speak people PAUSE EVERYTHING AND LISTEN, whether it is with free content and shenaniganery or with your paid stuff)
* You don’t even have to think about low end or high end or how to take people through a value ladder or some such bullshit, the value ladder is YOU CONTINUING TO BE YOU, and the more that you DO you the more people just take themselves through whatever it is you’re offering!
* It is easy, natural, fun, and OBVIOUS how to build your automated income, funnels, the ‘cash machine’ side of your business.
* In fact the whole damn thing feels fun and easy and like you’re just being you (the full on you, the too much you, the rebel you, the fuck all of ’em THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR AND NOW I’M GONNA TELL YOU you!),
* and at the same time you have the DEEPLY grounded and certain knowledge that the way you’re doing it, hot mess and chaos vibes and all, is WORKING. PS – the reason you feel certain of this is because your bank balance and soulmate audience and their feedback reflects it, not bc your spirit guides told you it’s coming

All of this is ALREADY available to you.

It is who you are and what you were born for.

You did not come here for normal!

You are one of the truly crazy ones, who has something inside of her that will leave the world BREATHLESS –
and allow her to make millions and impact millions –

BUT NOT IF SHE CONTINUES TO DO BUSINESS AND LIFE BY TRYING TO SOMEHOW BE A NON-CONFORMIST WHO CONTINUALLY CAVES AND CONFORMS.

For this to work,

REALLY work, like next next NEXT level $ and life flow work,
you’re going to need to FULLY turn your back on the idea that your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of you adjusting, filtering, compromising, playing the game the way the other entrepreneurs are playing it, or worrying about what the fuck your social media looks like!

What you’re going to need to do is simple:

FLICK THE DAMN REBEL MILLIONAIRE SWITCH BABY.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

All in on madness.
All in on crazy.
All in on chaos.
All in on the TRUE epic awesome ridiculousness and too much-ness of YOU.

REBEL MILLIONAIRE

Starting January 18th!

For those who were born to run the damn thing,

To turn the world on its head and dance on top of it,

And who are ready to do just that.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/