SCARED TO LET YOURSELF HAVE IT ALL

I think you’re scared to let yourself have it all, that you feel unworthy, that you’re chasing validation, which is pulling you off your true path, and that it’s time, to STOP.

Isn’t it funny

How far we have to go

From the pathway we’re truly meant to be on

In order to see what was right in front of us,

The whole time?

Truth, and you may not be ready to admit this yet, but true it no doubt is, nonetheless:

I think that if you tuned in fully to what you actually would be doing and who you would BE, if you knew you were already, inherently, enough, and validated, that the road you’re traveling right now might all of a sudden look a whole lot different.

It’s funny, really, how easily we construct ideas of what we must accomplish and WIN at in order to have the approval of others (oh – ! Only the whole world!) when really the answers to what we actually WANT are a lot quieter, a lot stiller, a lot SIMPLER, also.

I don’t mean that you don’t want big, and grand, and spectacular, because you and I both know you were born to be a star, to lead and rule, to UNLEASH, a powerful, message.

But the way you’re pursuing it right now?

This desperate need to have it be as FULL FUCKING ON and POLISHED and PROPER and PRETTY and PERFECT, as possible?

I don’t know that that was what it was ever about.

Don’t you think?

Wasn’t it always just about the art, the performance, the power, inside, and how you want to unleash it?

(How would you unleash it –

Pray tell –

If you could do it any which way or if, more simply, you already, knew –

That you were valid

And enough

Because you live

And breathed?

And I don’t know if you’re willing to admit to yourself how GOD DAMN SIMPLE YOU ACTUALLY LONG FOR IT TO BE

how all of this STUFF

You’re chasing

Is a hope

And a promise

But that the real dream

Was never about having it come from outside of you.

When you woke up, freshly born, in your mothers arms, did your heart whisper that your calling was only one that could be fulfilled if the world accepted you and raised you and adored you and if you jumped through –

Hoops.

Of all sorts of kinds.

?

Or was it actually, back then, more of a KNOWING –

That you were born for more.

That you weren’t going to LIVE the normal life.

That your message was POWERFUL, and that you had the answers to ALL of it

Inside.

And then at some point you started to question, what you inherently knew to be true, and you started to buy in to, the notion that you can’t just do what you WANT, that you can’t just do it without PERMISSION, and that at a certain point you can’t just do it by making shit the fuck up and following your INSTINCT, that there must be –

People.

Important People.

Who will show you.

how best to be you.

How to package that.

And position it.

And market it.

To a world full of misaligned strangers, who also, have given in, to the idea

That there is a right way

And a wrong way

To be oneself

And so you become a guru, an expert, a leader, in lights! And you jump and you jump and you JUMP through those hoops! As you desperately seek to convince others to follow you

And do the same

When all along

Within you

There beats the heart.

Of an artist

Of a crazy one

Of one who will not be stilled

Of one who actually

(thank you very much)

did not come here to give a fuck about the fame and the lights and the FANFARE or fortune

Until first,

purpose

And who actually

(thank you very much)

will be KNOWN AND RICH AF

But only

(truly)

When on purpose

But yet here you are and you’re continuing to build, upon a house of cards, which you’ve constructed

In which you must jump a certain way, dance a certain way, respond a certain way, because you said that you would and besides – !

What if THEY re RIGHT and you can’t succeed –

At just being you.

I mean:

You can be you, obviously.

But you must be a CERTAIN CAREFUL KIND OF YOU

In order to prove yourself

In order to be followed

In order to be paid

In order, and really, this is what it’s all about and what it’s only been about, for the likes of you and I:

To be seen.

(Isn’t it true –

That all you ever wanted –

Was to be seen?)

And I wonder, how it is, and I hope it’s okay to say this, but I must and so I WILL, regardless –

How you expect to be seen –

If you’re not showing up?

Fully.

And fully.

And fully.

As you.

And fuck the WORLD.

But yet here you are.

When really –

Nothing else matters.

Besides what you can’t not.

But yet you delay and delay and delay and you pray that ONE day

You can wake up, and be brave enough

To do what you’ve been waiting for all along

And you feel –

“So close no matter how far

Couldn’t be much more from the heart

Forever trust in who you are

And nothing else matters

Never opened my self this way

Life is ours, we live it our way

All these words I long to say

And nothing else matters”

But yet, here you are, and you’re letting it fucking MATTER.

The seductive pull of all that which you at some point have decided will FREE you will FAME you will PAY you, and when I LOOK at you, I see

A pretty website

A pretty little offering

Some very pretty photos

And pretty much fucking nothing

Which shows me the beat of your heart

And I wonder –

Is it even there? Inside you? Bloody and raw and BEATING

At all?

And eventually –

I become bored –

And I leave.

Because you’re out there looking like EVERY FUCKING OTHER PERSON CHASING THE SAME GOD FORSAKEN PATH AND EVEN DOING THE SAME FUCKING “LOOK AT ME I’M ALL COOL AND SPIRITUAL SHIT” AND YET THERE’S NOTHING –

That shows me who you really are.

And what you stand for.

And why I –

Should care.

And I don’t anymore, actually, except that something inside me tells me –

Maybe your heart still beats.

I’ve mostly given up of course.

Because I feel like I would have already seen it at this point.

But all I want, as I write this – ?

PROVE ME FUCKING WRONG.