I remember the first time I was really able to look myself directly in the eyes in the mirror. It was the first time I felt, for the smallest moment, a flicker of ‘maybe it’s okay to be me’. But mainly?

I felt pain.

I want to talk about that, and about what self love IS, but first, for a moment, let’s talk flow.

DEEP connected soul flow.

And with it, the truth about what it would take for you to be IN flow and fully SATISFIED with yourself and how you’re showing up.

Which actually… is self love.

Me?? This is easy to answer.

I’m here to write and speak and play and perform and dance and be silly and get high vibe as FUCK, just high on life and my message and sharing it all with YOU.

When I do these things I am happy, uplifted, I click into flow and I OVERflow with joy and bubbliness, AND? The money fucking flows, my audience grows, ALL THINGS WORK.

When I do NOT do the above things (perhaps because I overbook my schedule … or I make that MOST grave of entrepreneurial mistakes and check my emails before I fully immerse myself into the flow zone; the zone where I no longer give a fuck about anything except creating and being ME) … I am not happy, not uplifted, not expanded, I tend to spend the day grumpy, resentful, frustrated, and THINGS FEEL HARD.

You would think, me being a smart and success-minded gal and all, that this being true and also KNOWN, obviously I would just SHOW THE FUCK UP for all that I know I and my flow and my business and my soul NEED each day, and fuck the rest.

I appreciate the belief in me, but, well, honestly?

You would be wrong.

I still do the human as fuck shit of NOT PUTTING FIRST THINGS FIRST, and sometimes of not even doing ’em at all!

Granted, this is not too often …

But it does happen. And, what I’ve noticed is that if you’re not careful it kinda creeps up on you, like a WAY OF BEING where one week you were flowing and flying and doing what your soul knows you MUST, with not a care given for a SINGLE damn should, and then somehow a week or two later you vaguely start to notice –


I seem to have clicked back into THINKING … into being REACTIVE … and into making TERRIBLE excuses about why I haven’t been fully showing up for my content and my art.

ALL excuses are terrible, by the way, in case you’re wondering what MY horrendous ones are. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – YOUR EXCUSES MAY WELL BE REAL. This does not make them VALID, it does not make them a worthy reason to NOT LIVE YOUR DREAMS. Hence: terrible. Awful!

This morning being Valentines Day and all, I started my journaling with a simple statement, perhaps somewhat responsive to my own blog post yesterday, which was titled THE ANSWER IS NEVER SELF-PUNISHMENT

‘The answer is self love’.

And I thought –

What IS self-love, really?

Is it self-care? Well, sure … but anyone can do alllllll the self-care shit and pat themselves on the back for it, and still not be in self LOVE.

This is what I feel self love is:

It’s being able to look yourself directly in the eyes in the mirror, while naked, or in yoga, or anytime, and not look away. It’s being able to look at yourself fully and not just accept, but also see the corners of your mouth turn UP. I remember the first time I REALLY saw myself in the mirror. After decades of not being able to look at me. And I thought – wow. She looks … nice. I think I like her.

This to me is self love.

What else is self love?

It’s being able to walk away, from any person or any thing or any item in your schedule which you suddenly realise (or suddenly become honest about admitting!) is not aligned, you don’t really like, you don’t really WANT. It’s being courageous and SELF LOVING enough to say – actually. No. Thank you, but no thank you.

It’s also being able to say thank you, no thank you in the first place. There is no should in self love.

What else does it mean, to LOVE yourself?

It’s taking daily time. No matter how fucking busy you are. No matter how much the world wants or demands you. To journal. Or meditate. Or vision. Or whatever you need to TUNE IN TO YOU, and start your day from your CORE, not the noise of the world. It’s holding up an energetic stop sign, and saying – you know what? I don’t got time for dat right now. I’m over here NURTURING AND LISTENING TO MY SOUL. And as for when I’ll be done, and ready for the rest of the world? I SUPPOSE WHEN I’M DONE I’LL BE DONE.

It’s running out of time to eat or talk to others because you were lost in your art.

Or, it’s ignoring the idea that you SHOULD do your art in this moment, because you’re indulging in amazing food and wine, a massage, a nap, a wander, in your dreams.

It’s honouring what is needed in the NOW.

This is self love. This, coupled with choosing to have faith that you are ALLOWED TO DO THIS, and giving yourself permission TO do it.

Self love is choosing the food you actually desire … doing the workout your body and mind delights in … hanging with the people who EXPAND not contract you … and saying a big fuck you to the idea of doing a SINGLE thing in your biz or life because you think it’s gonna get you to an OUTCOME.

When you’re IN self love, you know that if something doesn’t LIFT AND LIGHT YOU UP then it gets to go. Period. The end. You know that this is not just because you are allowed to live in love and happiness, but also because if it doesn’t FEEL good and aligned and right and true it doesn’t.fucking.work.

This is a FACT!!! Self love shows the way. If you let it.

When you’re in self love you are HONEST with yourself. About where you’re not owning it. Where you need to rip the fucking bandaid. Where you need something. Where you need to kick your own ass. What you WOULD be doing if you WERE indeed being fully you.


Self love does not sit its ass down and hope shit just sorts itself out. Self love does the WORK … ALL the work … the SOUL aligned work … and makes decisions based on what is available and what is inside, not what drama or a STORY says in the moment.

Self love is owning your own power.

CHOOSING to be the confident and badass you, the leader you, the you who steps up even when scared or unsure or questioning your own worth or value.

Self love pays ATTENTION when triggered, sad, down. It’s about allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling, whilst ALWAYS knowing there is another choice available, and being willing to face INTO the pain or uncertainty or resistance in order to let it out.

Self love knows the answers are always and ONLY within.

That it’s down to how you wanna FEEL.

That feelings are a choice.

And so are ALL results and outcomes.

But that they NEVER come about from doing shit you don’t wanna do –

In a way that doesn’t really suit you –

And for or with people who don’t DELIGHT you.

And finally –

Self love stakes its claim. Self love is YOU staking your claim.

Knowing and deciding and OWNING –

I AM this person.


My self love vision statement this morning, which of COURSE is done?

I am a performer. I am a writer. I am a speaker. I am an entertainer. I show up fully for my content EVERY DAMN DAY, unleashing and playing and letting the silly as well as the inspiring and badass OUT.

Every night – 

When my head hits the pillow – 

I know I showed the fuck up and owned it.

This is my self love CHOICE, for me – 

And it’s my wish for you.

This is self love.