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Purpose

THIS IS WHY YOU NUMB AND PUSH DOWN

You’re scared of your power.
You’re scared of your power.
You’re scared of all that is in you and pushing its way out of you and which you know is BIGGER than you.
And so you numb, you push down, you become occupied, with things, to distract or tire you.

This is why you numb and push down –

You catch glimpses, at times, and they terrify you. Your calling is so big it threatens to overwhelm you. It threatens to BE more than you, to take over you, and maybe, even, none of you will be left!

So you numb.
You push down.
You suppress.
You HIDE.

This is why you numb and push down –

Where would you start?
And how would you be?
And WHO would you be, if you no longer could identify with the others, be in a way connected or bound to them, if you cut yourself loose to be the SPIRIT you who you know you truly are?

It’s all too much!
It makes no sense!
And besides – who the hell do you think you are and HOW?

And so you turn back in.
You turn away.
You take on new things, or you push down with new things.
Or you just do the same old things.
You’ve always done.
Food, drink, toys, consumption of content or others, it doesn’t matter.
Just something.
Anything!
To help you slip back into the unconscious, where it’s easy … ish … to pretend you don’t know.

Of course –
The truth –
Is that you can’t unknow.
What you’ve always known.
Can you?

No.

This is why you numb and push down –

Your fears are real.
That YOU would be lost if the real you were to be allowed out.
Of COURSE you’d be lost, because the YOU who you identify as being you is the ego you, the pain you, the preserved sense of self which has become your IDENTITY, day by day and year by year –

As you’ve added layer upon layer –
Of stories
Of myths
Of things handed down to you
Of beliefs
Of Things You Think You Must Fight For!
Of PAIN.

If you let go of all these things, you would, quite literally, in the UNCONSCIOUS, be letting go of your entire SELF!

You’re committed to that Self!
You’re attached!
You did the damn WORK to let the stories, the pain, the struggle, the myths of the ages AND your own mind become part of your Self!
You’ve COME THIS FAR BEING THAT PERSON, too bad if you know it’s not who you REALLY are, and that it’s costing you ALL that you are, never mind it HURTS –
You’ve invested so much!

And so no thank you.
Not gonna let go.
Just gonna be over here holding on to everything which robs me of enlightenment and my DESTINY.
AND I want a fucking cookie.
So there.

Says your mind, and the Self, you have constructed.

This is why you numb and push down –

Because you’d never be able to go back. You’d be fully disconnected from the norm, and in many ways even from the grounded Earth itself. Your soul KNOWS it’s not possible to be one foot in each camp.

And even though the EARTHLY and CONDITIONED camp hurts and saddens you –
Exhausts you –
DESTROYS you
And keeps you –
Forever bound –

It’s what you know.
It’s … comfortable.
And besides –
Maybe you don’t WANNA have to step up and be all that you ARE.
That sounds like it could be a pain in the ass some of the time!
What if you don’t feel like it?
What if you try and it turns out you don’t have what it TAKES, and the world which beckons you and which you know is truly YOUR world, throws you back, not even a sorry? Just a clear no –
We were wrong.
You don’t belong HERE, what, you were thinking you have something amazing inside you? HAHAHAHAHAHA go back to your pain and your carefully constructed Fear Self.

And so you numb.
And you push down.
You distract.
You binge.
You hide.

Even though –

Even though –

Even though.

The truth.

You know that your fears –
All of them –
ALL of them –
Are 100%.
Certified.
Fucking.
BULLSHIT.

What if you TRY?! Your Conscious Self smiles at this idea, and shakes his or her head, kindly.

Oh, sweet child.
Oh, beautiful one.
Oh, my DARLING.

You know that that’s not even a conversation.

You can’t TRY to be what you ARE.

You either choose to be –
And you let go of the false Self which has been shrouding, and yes, confusing you.
Or you don’t.

Which would you like to do?

But, okay, okay, okay, okay, I get that, I feel that, I know it’s right, but what if I end up ALL ALONE and disconnected! What I feel inside of me is so vast and it SCARES me! What if I FLOAT RIGHT AWAY from the power of it?!

Dear one.
I know.
I understand.
And yes.
You WILL disconnect, naturally, from much which was important to you when holding on to the false Self.

But,
It won’t matter anymore.
(Actually it never did …)
And,
You will enter into new worlds.
New connections.
New possibility.
The world which is the TRUE world, for you, and really, for all, if only they could see it.

Alone?

How could you end up alone, when at the MOST conscious level we are able to access other such beings from all realms and places, with the physical being only one aspect?!

Besides which –
The need to BE WITH OR LIKE OTHERS –
To complete you
Or keep you safe
Or validate you
Etcetera
Is not one which will concern you anymore.
When you say yes to the real you.

And you feel your shoulders slumping, the fight seeping out of you, your breathe exhales, and you go quiet, and still.

But how?
– you ask.
How do I do this great one? (and the great one is He or She who resides inside of you, of course, who has always been there, waiting, patiently, holding space, patiently, and maybe now and then rolling his or eyes, not so patiently )

How?

Well.
There is no how.
We know this.
But if you’d like to know how, here is how –

You come into this moment.
You BE with what is.
You surrender TO what is.
You allow it and all things that are true and real to be, no matter the discomfort or frustration they may cause.
You lean INTO pain or fear. You let it wash over you. You ask for the lessons to be learned, from these things.
You choose to be grateful for them, curious, compassionate.
You speak to your own conscious self, and also that of others.
You notice when you are REACTING, or slipping into the unconscious.
You be kind and understanding about that, because it helps you TO understand and also to return, to the true self.
You make your decisions and set your path based on what comes through you and from your soul.
You take action ONLY in the now and ONLY based on what you are guided to do, regardless of so-called outcome.
You know there are no steps.
You know the way is not yet formed.
You know that EVERY thing and ALL things come back simply –
To being who you truly are.
And honouring the voice within –
Which tells you the next move.
And of course –
In all of this –
You know and understand that there is nothing you need to know or have proven to you and it is ALL and ONLY pure and absolute FAITH.
You commit to living from faith.
You commit to always saying yes to ALL soul desires, and acting on them the very moment you are guided to, NO MATTER WHAT.
And you give –
Your life –
In addition to all that comes after and through it –
To this work –
In doing so –
Relinquishing the Fear Self –
Relinquishing all constructed identities –
Relinquishing the NEED for anything –
Outside of you.

Of course there is no how.
What I say is of no matter.
You have all these answers within you, it’s always been so.
But if there were a how that is what it would be.

So, now what?

Now you decide –

You see the fork-road ahead of you –

It’s BEEN there the whole time –

Every day, you peer into the Unknowing.

And I suppose –

For the most part –

You choose to numb.
And push down.
The better to forget there is another way, a true way, calling you.

But perhaps today –

Perhaps.
Perhaps.
Perhaps.

You draw yourself up.
And you say yes.
To the path less traveled.
And to the you
Who has been there
Waiting
To be realised
Since before time began
And who will live
For ever more.

That is how you stop numbing
And pushing down

And how you re-member
What your soul has always known

And that is this.

Life is Now. Press Play.

I love you.

Kat x

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