YOU COULD HAVE ASKED FOR MORE, SOONER
Somebody who has for a long while been quite close to me asked me yesterday how it feels, to be at this level … to have ‘done it’ with purchasing and settling on my new dream home … what it’s like, to play so big, and whether it perhaps brings up that old chestnut which causes so many of US to not let ourselves have what we want, namely –
Beneath the want and the desire and the (let’s face it) often desperate need to GET TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE, is a sneaking lurking suspicion that if you got there?
You’d be bored as fuck and not know what to do with yourself!
So annoying … lol. If you haven’t dug into this, but yet you continually seem to hold money flow and other big accomplishments at arms lengths, or else you get things flowing and then seem to crash them back down again, I’ll bet part of what’s happening is that your sub-conscious self is hooked on the adrenalin, the challenge, the thrill of the chase, and the living in such a way which REQUIRES you to access imagination and creativity …
And considering that of COURSE when it comes down to it you’d choose access to imagination and source over MONEY (yeah … you would, if you had to choose one over the other!) … no WONDER you don’t let the money shit work out! Not if some part of you has decided it would come at the cost of experiencing the highs of having to draw on your most powerful self!
So anyway, my friend asked me what it feels like to be at this level and mentioned something about the whole getting bored when you get to ‘there’ thing.
I definitely don’t feel bored, I just settled on the house, and it was quite a race to the finish to cross that settlement line! As I blogged about yesterday. Not to mention I still have a TON of stuff to buy and get sorted with my decorator and so on.
But at the same time, yeah … I definitely am conscious of that ‘well, what’s next?’ vibe already creeping in.
If a normal person were following along with all this, they’d probably wonder what on earth I’m on about or else they’d feel sorry for me that I’m apparently not content even after buying a multi-million dollar beach home! ‘What next?! How about enjoying THIS?!’
But, we’re not normal, we don’t work like that, and naturally seeking ‘what’s next?’ is just part and parcel with being one of the driven ones.
It doesn’t mean we’re not content, grateful, SO damn happy and at peace! All of THOSE things are simply to do with connectedness to self and spirit, anyhow, they have nothing to do with what you have or don’t have, have achieved or no.
I like to talk about contented discontent … feeling like everything is already perfect, enough, complete, and at the same time there is SO MUCH MORE SO LET’S GO GET IT!!
It’s just who we are
But this thing about what it feels like, to be at this level … that took me a minute.
And eventually I wrote back to him –
“I had to go think about it just now so I went and sat in the shower (I love sitting in there with all the water on my back)… and what I realised is how I feel is for sure super proud of myself but actually what I really feel is – I could totally have done this sooner.
Which makes me aware that I need to level up faster on other stuff.
Because in the end the only reason it took me this long is not backing myself with bigger stuff sooner …
And if I would have just committed earlier I would have made it happen earlier”
It was interesting to reflect on, as I hadn’t really thought about it at all. What I felt in the lead up to closing this deal was nervous, excited, certain, ‘what if’, ‘maybe I’m NOT good enough’ all mixed together! It was a BIG thing energetically to hold space for, and it represents a LOT more than just getting a kickass home to actually LIVE in (as opposed to buying investment property, which I have literally zero emotion around when I do it; it just seems like a smart thing to do …). This house is about making a statement that I am ready to create a safe home space for me and my kids.
I haven’t felt able to do that previously, for lots of reasons. Part of which was simply – being happy with being a nomad, and living out of a suitcase for a few years when the kids were younger; that lifestyle has stayed with me and I’ve just enjoyed NOT putting roots down.
Now, it’s time though. And it DOES feel big.
But to tune in and notice that how it ACTUALLY feels is like – wow. It IS big and I AM proud but you know what? It’s also not a big deal at all and I am FULLY certain I could have made it happen sooner, had I just committed …
That’s, well –
A bit wow!
But also just a helpful reminder of what I already know, and teach, namely – we will ALWAYS get what we want and commit to; no more and no less. So, if you want more – just ask for more!!
Makes ya think, doesn’t it? What would you ask for and commit to right NOW, if you knew that there is no need or logical reason to wait? Hmm? Hmm!
I think the boredom thing is pretty relevant as well, for those like us. I think we have to catch this, be aware of it, be conscious that if we are repeatedly sabotaging or just not allowing then we might be running some sort of pattern of well-meaning self-protection whereby we are prioritising enjoyment of life and the rush of NEEDING to create or push over getting to where we want to be … thinking that it would basically take away our reason to live if we were done!
Well, just remember who you ARE –
By definition you will NEVER BE DONE. I’m already conscious of looking for ‘what’s next?’, like I said – not because I need anything next but because it’s how my mind works, and have no fear –
I’ll just FIND something, and then I’ll be going hell for leather to call in THAT! (Pretty sure it’s a hot, sexy, smart, kind, funny, successful MAN, and me tuning in to who I need to be to allow THAT in!).
The thing is … if this underlying fear of being bored resonates with you, as far as why you don’t get what you want … I’m gonna tell you straight up, I used to worry about that a LOT. But if I compare where I am now to way back when I had no money and was back against the wall always … where I continually had to pull a rabbit out of a hat just to SURVIVE, and I learned to live in a 24/7 state of fight or flight …
Sub-consciously, had I gone into my money blocks back then (which I did do, and this sort of stuff DID come up!), I would have thought that being where I am NOW would be too boring and it’s not! I by no means feel ‘done’, or that fuck – ‘what do I have to push or create for now?’. Not at all.
When I look back to my starving artist years, I can see how much stress I was under back then and maybe I thought I needed that for adrenalin/dopamine but from this perspective I honestly wonder how the fuck I sustained that for so long. It’s crazy to think about. I feel like I wouldn’t even be capable of that now, my life is so chill and flow; I can’t even imagine not having it chill and flow!
But yet, if I DID have to (which is impossible now anyway, as I now understand how to actually receive, which I didn’t then!) … I would.
I’m SO glad for that time mind you! It was critical growth for me!
And I’m SO glad it’s over. It’s been critical growth for me to let it the fuck go!
I think where my real learning around all this is at, and the big thing I want to share with you today, is that there is nothing you need from outside of you, to sustain or fulfil or light you up.
Entrepreneurs with the broke / starving artist pattern are often running a program that says I won’t be energised or motivated if I don’t HAVE to push and hustle like crazy to create and survive …
Those who continually push what they want away from them because their underlying fear is that having it would leave them nothing to live for …
These people simply haven’t tapped in yet to the realisation that being lit up, energised, having something to strive for, accessing creativity and source, all of these things are simply choices and commitments.
You don’t need a REASON for any of them.
If you’ve hooked yourself on only activating your prime power states when you ‘have’ to, you may want to consider breaking that little addiction … or else accept that you’ve literally set yourself up for a life where you can either FEEL what you want or HAVE what you want, but never both! Eek!
To be honest with you, until I tuned in on all this after that conversation last night and now writing about it here, I didn’t even realise that I HAVE become the person who only needs her own choice and commitment to feel what she wants and be who she wants to be.
No external pressure or force required!
For most of what I can remember, I DID depend on those outside things in order to be able to activate my superpowers.
So as far as how it feels, to be at this level???
I guess the best answer is, it feels however I decide for it to feel!
And that’s a pretty amazing place to be.
Now … WHAT’S NEXT?!!
Life is Now. Press Play.
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