Success Mindset

YOU DESERVE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

Today I noticed, in me, a new thing.

Perhaps it’s in you also, and so, I’ll write about it.

It’s not a good thing, or at least, not on the surface of it.

It’s not … FUN.

It’s certainly not light and freeing, to observe.

But what it is, I am sure, is healing.

And what I noticed, was this:

The deeper me, the wounded me, the child me, she doesn’t feel that she deserves to get what she wants.

I was given a journal prompt last night, by one of my mentors, after our Skype session which was conducted with him in the bath back in Australia, and me sitting outdoors at a beachside Bali restaurant, sparkling sundown lights and lovers romancing all around.

It’s so funny sometimes, when I observe my own life from the outside looking in. I suppose it’s quite … unusual. He’d messaged me before our call –

“I’m about to jump in the bath unless you find that hugely inappropriate”

I said, well – bath talks are always appropriate. There’s very little I find inappropriate.

– Good. We are of the same view. I figured that. Sometimes I feel like I’ve gone so far from conventional reality I just try to check in every now and then.

And I laughed – “yeah, for sure. I find myself often marveling at the random shit I do when I realise, ‘oh, that’s not normal … how funny’.

Anyway.

The session was powerful, of course. I’m sure I’ll write about exactly what this work is, at some point, when it’s time. It occurred to me this morning how, REALLY – the real mentoring work I’ve been drawn to now for 20+ years has always been that of SPIRITUAL and higher self growth. I’ve had some ‘biz strategy’ type mentors along the way, but THAT shit never stuck!

This work … the deep inner work … the understanding of the layers of the consciousness, ones own and ALL … that’s the work that’s always drawn me, and which I find myself magnetically unable to resist.

Small wonder that, more and more so, my own messaging turns to that of spiritual growth, for my own further growth AND for you.

As we finished our session, he asked me to say aloud –

“I deserve to get what I want!”

Wanna know something funny? My sub-conscious mind made a QUICK decision –

If I say it LOUDLY, and laugh as well, and show I’m not afraid to say that with people all around me, then it PROVES I IS OWNING MY SHIT!

I felt like I’d FULLY owned it. Yay me.

He wasn’t fooled though –

“Yeah … nah. I’m not feeling that. Say it again”

And I said it again, quieter –

“I deserve to get what I want”

The conviction was there … just. I could feel it by a thread.

Today, as prompted, I decided to journal on this idea, the idea of me being truly DESERVING. It’s funny, because I do feel ‘all over’ the knowledge and truth that everything we desire is AVAILABLE to us, and now … I fully know and believe that what we feel inside of us is real, and that we can create our EVERY inner dream.

But.
Apparently.
The deeper me, the wounded me, the child me, the scared me, doesn’t feel QUITE the same way about the whole ‘being deserving’ bit.

Can you relate?
How do you feel, about your own deservedness?

As I wrote it over and over again in my journal, my mind just SHRIEKED at me –

Liar!
Not true!
Nup! You don’t.
#sorrynotsorry

DO TOO, I shrieked back in defiance!

Actually, not really. Haha. What I did do, was I just felt into it.

Okay –
Cool.
Let me try that again.

I deserve to get what I want.
I deserve to get what I want.
I deserve to get what I want.
I am SAFE to get what I want.

Hmmm …

I could feel the feeling of the feeling of the POSSIBLE one day whisper that I might be able to sometime not too far away believe that I can believe this.

😉

I decided to let it simmer, for now.
Journaled a little on things I DO want, although I couldn’t really connect to it.
Eventually, left it, and went to do my workout.

I think this question was working away in my sub-conscious mind the whole night long, actually. I could barely sleep. I was tossing and turning. And SO many fucking pain memories were coming up, things I know I must write about more deeply, and yet am scared to.

Of the years of repression and suppression.
Of being told over and over again that I’m not allowed to speak … or to not speak … or to have needs … or even, to breathe!

Living in volatility.
Constant eggshells.
My worth, gradually, bit by bit, broken –
Faded –
And eventually –
Drifted –
Away.

It feels as though being here in Bali again is bringing up DEEP deep wounding and pain. Pain so deep I’ve not even allowed myself to feel it or fully acknowledge it, perhaps EVER.

And today what I notice is …

It wants to be heard.
It wants to be acknowledged.
It wants to be set free.

In releasing it thus, I know that I can CHOOSE to live into the deeper beliefs which ARE actually there, even if long covered over.

Around worthiness.
Around deservedness.
Around love.
And having, what we want.

The thing with pain and hurt, or failure, is that it’s not a bad thing.

It is a NECESSARY thing.

It’s through the ebbs and flows of life that we are prompted to grow.

Can you see this, in your life?

I know you can.

So, allow yourself to feel your pain.
Allow yourself to see your hurt.
Allow yourself to honour where you’ve fallen.

And from that place, allow that you CAN choose a new way.

Here’s how to make it simple, when you find it so hard, to let yourself DESERVE:

What does the beautiful child within you deserve?

And the answer of course is the whole world –

Opened to her.

It’s true for you too.

Remember –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat

 

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

PS

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