FOLLOWING THE PATH OF DELUSION
“You do this every time!” she laughed at me. “You’re so funny, and then it always ends up being different to what you said.”
“I know, right? I do do this every time. Haha. So, we’ll see!”
Maybe this time it will be different, is the bit I didn’t say.
I have this thing, you see.
Where when a new idea or creative download comes upon me, I am absolutely.fucking.obsesse
It’s all I talk about.
And I KNOW that this? This is the thing which is gonna take the damn thing to the next level and THEN some.
I tell EVERYONE –
Of how awesome it is.
Of how perfect it is.
Of how OBVIOUS it is.
And of how I ‘KNOW’.
When I say and do this, I am SURE. I know that every word I speak is truth! I’ve been doing it again with something at the moment, this past week, and at least 3 or 4 of the closest peeps in my life have smiled or laughed at me and said something similar to the above.
I can’t help but laugh back because I DO know that that’s my pattern, I acknowledge it, and yet at the same time –
This time I am REALLY REALLY SURE!!
Then I laugh again because I ALWAYS say exactly that.
Yesterday I was talking with a friend about the delusional outlook of a person who we both follow.
“She is completely fucking delusional!” my friend said.
“What is she even thinking?!”
“I know”, I said.
“You’re right. She is. But the thing is …
NONE of us would.
Like, if you actually knew what you were going to go through to become this person, to get here, if you actually got how hard it was going to be, no WAY would you start!
You have to be delusional.”
It’s a critical fucking requirement of the skillset for the job!
This morning I woke up, and as I drove down to the coffee shop where I always journal and write before training, I felt a little deflated, like –
Am I doing it again?
Being so fucking delusional and then I’m going to once again feel self-conscious, a little embarrassed, and silly, when I have to turn around once more and say “yep. wrong again! Made it all up in my head!”
I am rational enough to know that based on history the HIGH majority of my crazy ideas and delusions do NOT come to fruition.
The ghosts of url’s past in my domain graveyard are in the hundreds and hundreds, and tell the story well enough without me!
There’s too many to count.
So yeah –
As I once again direct my EVERYTHING into ‘this is it, this is my next thing, OMG, I know it!’, there’s a part of me which is light-hearted with laughter and a slight roll of the eyes as I remind myself, well, maybe.
As I wrote in my journal just before, maybe this will be one of the most memorable periods in my life, the time I brought THAT to life.
Or maybe it will be nothing I am even able to bring to mind if I try, just another blip of something that coulda been and never was.
I simultaneously have no expectation or attachment while still?
Being motherfucking excited, hopeful and delusional as all get out!!
As I drove, and thought about this, a part of me wondered –
Am I immature, that I keep doing this? That I keep proclaiming my certainty and buzz to all and sundry and then most of the time it does NOT work out?
Do I need to check this behaviour, stamp it out, be more cautious and considered, or at the very least fucking WAIT to tell the whole world about the damn thing?
But actually –
As it continued to play on my mind while I journaled, I wrote –
It is a part of who I am and I wouldn’t change it.
FOLLOW the path of delusion.
And that’s the thing, isn’t it?
Who are strong enough on the inside to KEEP ON GOING TO THE NEXT DELUSION AND DREAM when they once again gotta leave the previous one by the wayside.
You can allow yourself to be shaken, thrown, or feel silly or embarrassed when you carry on and on about all you’re going to do and be and have and become and then it (once again) doesn’t work out …
Or you can SMILE and get excited about how that ‘flop’ takes you one step closer to the actual fucking thing that is your next thing.
My entire business and life, this whole freakin’ empire is a product of I just kept getting up, dreaming EVEN bigger and more audaciously, and charging forward with delusional certainty!
Piece by piece and bit by bit?
You know this is available for you too, but I gotta tell ya –
If you can’t be WILD with delusion and certainty –
If you can’t be 100% certain certain certain even as a part of you knows that ‘yeah … maybe not!!’, then you simply won’t give it what is REQUIRED.
Here’s to the dreamers.
Here’s to my delusional as fuck head in the clouds soul sisters and soul brothers.
We are the ones who came here to change the world.
Let’s not forget to stay strong and mad enough to do that.
Don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.