I’M FOR THE CRAZY ONES. I’M FOR THE MISFITS. I’M FOR THE WANDERERS. I’M FOR THOSE WHO DO AND SAY STUPID SHIT THEY SHOULD PROBABLY REGRET, YET SOMEHOW … DON’T. I’M FOR THOSE WHO REPEATEDLY FIND THEMSELVES LOSING PEOPLE, NEVER QUITE ABLE TO BE WHAT’S EXPECTED. I’M FOR YOU.

I’m having a sad moment. A little maudlin, a little introspective, a little weary, but yet at the same time – as the sad moments which come from TRUTH often are – also exquisitely beautiful.

Have you ever noticed – ?

Just how beautiful and perfect sadness can be, when it comes from letting go of or moving away from something which was NOT fully you, something which you were trying to conform yourself into being or keeping up with, and then all of a sudden you realised, your eyes snapped wide open, and once again –

As so many times before –

You find yourself leaning away. Fading out. And turning back in, inevitably, to you.

What am I talking about, you may well wonder? It’s a mystery to me a lot of the time why anybody would read what I write when it’s so rambly and whimsical and makes so little sense, that’s what I’M wondering! But as to what I’m on about, well:

I’m talking about that moment of realisation, when something you THOUGHT you were fitting in with once again shows itself to be not the thing, not the person or people, not the one, not your TRIBE, not your home, and once again – for the hundredth or perhaps the thousandth time, you find yourself –

On the edge.
Looking in.
Teetering between wanting to be like the OTHER cool kids, wanting to be accepted, keep up, do it right –
Or alternatively walking the fuck away FAST before any more of the samey-sameness of it fades off on you.

I don’t know about you, but for me I’ve so often questioned myself – gosh, right back to my youth! – as to WHY I keep DOING this.

I’ve walked away –
Lost track of –
At some point just stopped BELONGING to –

Most everyone or everything in my life.

In some cases it’s clearly a growth issue.
I grew, they didn’t. Sounds bitchy. It’s true though. I know you get it 🙂
And sure – each to their own. No judgement on those who are ‘done’ and accomplished once they have the requisite social markers in place. IF they are happy (which I find to be a BIG if!!) then all power to them!

These circles … these friends … these mentors … these tribes … which I’ve gradually just no longer been able to EVEN with … I do feel some sadness around it, as where there was once love I find it always remains, to a degree, but there is also acceptance, because it was very obvious that it wasn’t going to keep working.

The HARDER bit is when you find yourself no longer quite on the same path as someone or something you TRULY thought you were aligned with.

And perhaps you were –
Once upon a time.

For me … and perhaps for you … it often feels like it’s never ending; the process of needing to REMOVE myself from the NORMAL people, from the CONFORMIST people, from those who – even though on the surface may appear to be rebels who carve their own way – are just playing the game…

Of getting ahead.
Of doing it right.
Of keeping up.
Of BEING like the OTHERS, and sure – maybe a ‘better’ group of others, but still –

Conformity.
Carefulness.
And suppression, in some way, of a deeper truth.

For me personally the best example is how I feel about the online coaching world, the known and accepted leaders of the internet marketing industry. For you it might be your own neighbourhood .. your friendship circles near to home … your family … or perhaps also, your industry or niche.

When I look at the industry I am part of, in which I arguably AM one of the leaders, the truth is I notice that the more time passes the more I find myself once again on the outside –

Looking in.

And for a period there, I WAS trying to keep up, play the game, get the right gigs, do it right … and I made good headway, of course. But the truth is that no matter how great the acclaim in return for getting SEEN and ACCEPTED in a bigger way, it was always going to end up where it always has, which is?

I just find I’m never able to keep it up, the whole smile and laugh and connect and laud and BE lauded thing.

You know?

And once again, as in most EVERY situation that has come before, I find myself slowly but surely –

Not giving a fuck.

And I notice
All the ways
In which so many of my peers
Who I THOUGHT were like me
Smile
Play the game
Do it right
So they can get accepted
Seen
Lifted up

Yes, I judge that. Yes, I can see that it’s not UP to me to judge, or also, to try and decide, whether or not they’re ALIGNED. What I find … repugnant, honestly … is, however, when there’s cleary one conversation in private.

And another in public.

And then I shake my head at myself! Because there I go again! Once again being the one who opens her big fat mouth and just SAYS shit! Then loses people .. or causes shock or a ripple of some kind … fuck, I even single-handedly brought an entire 10,000 woman strong group of entrepreneurs to its knees at one point, just because I am ALWAYS somehow the one who just SAYS the damn thing.

I don’t know if you do this, but I know that for me it’s at first a little niggle in my head … it starts to get bigger and eat away at me … I tell myself STOP it, don’t say that … that’s not a good idea … shut up, Kat!

And then at some point BAD IDEA becomes FUCK IT becomes I can’t NOT, and I do –

What I’ve always done.
And the curtain closes, once more, on an era or a tribe or a relationship which I once thought was GOLDEN.

I am REALLY really good, it’s turned out over the years, at walking away.

The thing is –

As much as this HAS caused sadness and frustration and the continual need to shake my own head at myself –

The truth is I honestly cannot say there is a SINGLE FUCKING THING OR SITUATION OR GROUP OR PERSON I look back on and wish I had have NOT done or said what I did, or shown who I am, or just admitted to myself who THEY are, and that it can no longer be for me.

YEAH there are definitely times I feel sad, at what ‘could have been’. But then I look at who they are … and who I am … and I know that there IS NO WAY.

It was never meant to be.

And ACTUALLY as much as it often results in feeling ALONE, the most true thing I can do for myself, so often, is to admit when I don’t BELONG (and thank God for that!), and then be on my way.

And I wonder –

Don’t you find the SAME?!

Here’s what I’ve figured out about all of this, although God knows I’m still learning.

There is success, and then there is success.

Success for most people, even those who PURPORT to be like you and I, is first and foremost about the getting of RESULTS and ACCLAIM.

Get to the top.
Do it right.
Get seen.
Get paid.
Etc.

The ones who you and I find ourselves SEEMING to align to, amongst this group, are the ones whose message or pathway is SIMILAR to ours, and so there’s a resonance.

And then at some point, you notice –

Huh.
And REALLY?
And – okay.

Or just that once again, you seem to be the one who is standing up being a crazy person and actually saying what you think, and once again – you seem to be leading the pack. Which is to say: leaving it!!

So, that’s ‘success’, or so they seem to think!

And then there is what you and I deem success.

Where of COURSE we get to have the THINGS, of course we get to have ANY result we choose, it’s just that actually … the closer we come to all the acclaim and the things that we THOUGHT it was all about, the more we realise we REALLY don’t give a fuck and also? We REALLY can’t EVEN. We’re just too next level crazy to even pretend! It turns out 🙂

Because here’s the truth about me, and the truth about you, PERHAPS –

At the end of the day we didn’t come here to ‘make it’ as an entrepreneur, a leader, a SUCCESS.

At the end of the day we came here for ART AND SOUL FIRST, and that’s it. So as much as we might find ourselves going down a PATHWAY for a while, ’cause that seems to be the pathway to, well, SOMETHING, the truth is that we JUST DON’T HAVE IT IN US TO KEEP GOING –

No matter HOW great the ‘reward’ –

If we in ANY way have to choke down our truth.

I used to think this meant I’d always be alone, in the end.

Every friendship group or peer group I ever had seemed to only ever have a limited shelf life … I’d somehow end up no longer part of it, but there they all still were, together. And the more that time passes, the more quickly I do manage to notice, and walk, but still – it has seemed so often as though there is NOBODY as ‘misfit’ or black sheep as me. I often feel like screaming at the BIZARRE conformity of people, people who I THOUGHT were like ME!

And through it all I continually wondered –

“What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep DOING that … leaving … sabotaging … ‘RUINING’ things?!”

And then one day, or gradually, I realised:

I was never supposed to join a tribe, and fall into line.

I was supposed to create my own.

And they ARE OUT THERE, too! But I sure as shit can’t FIND them unless I fully SHOW them –

Who I am.

Which is ultimately? How you and I found each other, quite likely!! But it’s also how I HAVE lost so many people in this industry, who I once THOUGHT were crazy but who ultimately just turned out to want the things –

More than they wanted to be them, or at least –
More than they were willing to.

So I want to tell you:

I’m for the crazy ones.

I’m for the misfits.

I’m for the wanderers.

I’m for those who repeatedly do and say INSANELY stupid shit they should probably regret, yet somehow … don’t.

I’m for those who continually LOSE people, fade away, never quite manage to do what’s expected in order to stay in the GOOD books.

I’m for those who really HAVE tried, at times, to play the game, but yet just … can’t.

I’m for those who would rather tattoo their eyeballs then do the latest thing that all the other so-called cool kids are doing.

I’m for those who SEE THROUGH THE BULLSHIT.

I’m for those who want it all.
Want it now.
COMPLETELY on their terms.
And ARE GONNA DO WHAT IT TAKES NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES TO GET IT, but who also know, deep down, that there is ZERO FUCKING NEED to in ANY way conform or settle or quiet the MADNESS in order to do so.

I’m for the ones who are completely fucking mad.

Are born to paint the world with their art.

Will NEVER truly belong.

Can NEVER be tamed.

REPEATEDLY seem to sabotage.

But ultimately –

Put their fucking truth first.

If this is you … if you just cannot no matter HOW hard you try ever actually manage to fit in … even to the ‘coolest’ of SUPPOSEDLY non-normal groups … then I’ve created a NEW tribe you just might align to.

It is COMPLETELY –
For the mad.
Who KNOW –
Their madness is their gift and must be preserved AT ALL COSTS.

If that’s you, and you ALSO know that what you REALLY need to unleash is your ENERGY, and the very ESSENCE of you, then I invite you to join me … to join the mad ones who WILL change the world.

Born to Be a Queen gorgeous.
5 weeks.
You and I.
DEEP dive soul & cellular shifts to help you quit the story of struggle and should and stop marketing like one of the MASSES, when you KNOW you’re meant to be on top.

We start TODAY.

www.katloterzo.com/borntobeaqueen

I’m for the crazy ones baby.
The ones who will lead with their ENERGY.

I’m for you.

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