I’M SENSITIVE AND ANXIOUS, EASILY AGITATED, AND I KIND OF REALLY HATE PEOPLE, A LOT OF THE TIME …

A week or so back, one of my badass Inner Circle millionaire clients (soulmate clients!), said something which made me laugh out loud –

“I have this crazy thing about me, which I know that no one will understand, but you probably will.”

I wanted to write about it, and the conversation we had which followed, at the time, but I lost the momentum of it, basically, and you know what happens with ideas when you don’t act on ’em when they’re alive!

They die.

Too bad! You let it slip on away … maybe some one else will grab hold of it, or maybe it will come back to you; usually not though.

Tonight it came back.

HARD.

And it’s one of those things where you tell yourself …

“Don’t write about THAT!”

“THAT is too much. You can’t write a blog with a title that says you kind of really hate PEOPLE, when, duh, you’re supposed to be drawing PEOPLE in to you, and selling to them!”

(Except –
and you get this, of course –
depends VERY much on which kind of people, doesn’t it!! Which is why we must of course CREATE OUR OWN CULT.
And have done)

“Okay”, I said to my Self (I and my Self are, of course, two entirely separate beings … as to which one’s in charge; who knows? Not me, at least half of the time!)

“I won’t write about it, especially not WHILE I’M STILL HERE AT THIS EVENT WHICH HAS BROUGHT IT ON … people here might READ it, you idiot. Then you might meet or SEE them. Then they might think you HATE them!

The funny thing is –

It’s not INDIVIDUALS I hate; all people I interact with and give any ENERGY to are, of course, fabulous.

But yet I still hate people.

I know it makes no sense.

But who the fuck said it had to!

And besides –

Pretty sure it makes sense to who matters, aka YOU.

Thing is, when I said to my Self that I won’t write about it, my Self, or perhaps it was I, had something else to say on the matter:

I know you can’t.
But, you will.

As always!

The message must do what the message must do.

It’s a sensitivity thing, you see, the hating people thing.

And this is exactly what the conversation with my client went into the other week.

It’s sensitivity and anxiety and agitation and breathlessness of a claustrophobic and impossible to explain kind.

Impossible to explain to anybody who is NOT us, because to them, let’s just be honest:

You’re gonna come off kind of like an asshole.

I’m pretty sure I was just now starting to come off kind of like an asshole, standing at the bar talking … networking (ugh, that WORD!) … to AMAZING people, I might add … and feeling –

GET
ME
OUT OF HERE
NOW

With every moment that passed I was feeling more on edge, more anxious, more like my skin was starting to itch and I was getting the overwhelming urge to RUN and WHY does everybody or ANYBODY even WANT to talk?! Don’t they have …

Stuff inside to do??

Told you.
ASSHOLE.

Not like I don’t wanna talk to EVERYONE, and have everyone LISTEN, too!! When I’ve done my ME stuff … as much of it as needed, and as often!

Tonight, when I finally did leave, I felt viscerally that I needed to get the energy of being AROUND people OFF of me. Right now I am very conscious that I NEED TO FUCKING SHOWER, because of that feeling, but the urge to write first is stronger 🙂

It’s funny (or not) that right after this happened, and then I DID get out of there, I checked my phone and had a message from that same client –

About feeling so sensitive and wondering about the odd things people do …

This sensitivity, this overwhelm, this bizarre feeling of the world around you not making sense, I know you’ve felt it.

If you’re like me.
If you’re like my client.
If you are one of US, and by us?

I’m talking about the ones who are not of this world …

Who can by all means dance INTO it …

But who must, sooner or later, and most often SOONER –

Dance out of it.

And back into whence we came, in the dreams, in the shadows, in the worlds inside our heads, and the ones which we are, this very moment even perhaps, creating.

I know you know of this world, don’t you?

WE COME FROM OTHER REALMS, you and I …

And we will NEVER understand them
Or their ways
Nor they us, or ours
AND SO IT SHOULD BE

The thing is … the thing is, it doesn’t matter who it is or what it is, if it is pulling us away from our own worlds, our own travels, of astral and other natures, our own CREATIONS, our own deep need to BE WITHIN, well –

It’s gonna be a problem.

We might turn into an asshole at the drop of the hat, sure. Typically, we’re well brought up enough to mask it, except for the fact that we’re UNABLE TO FUCKING MASK IT. Not really …

And everybody should FUCK OFF AND SHUT UP NOW, let me go within go within go within and PLEASE go away …

(so, of course, we take ourselves away, however we must, like THIS … if we’re smart or if we KNOW … or if we don’t know then we do it – we DID it – in other ways, less … good for us)

But also, and this is the bit my client was referencing when she talked about having this crazy side to her, which nobody will understand, but probably me …

Weird shit happens.

Have you had this?

The ground might move beneath you all of a sudden.

You might feel like you just got off a pair of roller-blades or ice-skates, and you have that odd feeling like you’re not really ON the ground.

You might notice that it LOOKS like you’re walking, but you can feel that you’re really running, slightly in the air. Through objects, also. And things. Your heart is racing, your gaze is slightly blurry, you’re really NOT quite here …

Or there …

You’re slipping …

Between worlds.

Narnia was never just a story you know.

When you’re slipping, when you’re being called back IN, things of the HUMAN world can simply NOT compute.

Numbers or words might make no sense. You might stare at the word ‘lunch’ for example, and wonder – “where on earth did THIS shit come from? THAT can’t be a word. Is it? What is even a WORD, in the first place?” And you start saying it over and over again in your head, trying to figure out why anybody would say or write something like that.

Or why they even feel the urge TO speak, at all, with their mouths?

You might be driving and you’re suddenly aware that you PROBABLY SHOULDN’T be. Did that car just DART at you? Are the lane lines moving?! What’s HAPPENING?

Or it could just be that every fucking thing anybody says to you or the world shows to you is irritating as fuck or simply STUPID, and what on earth is with how people WALK?

If you’re reading this and you’re NOT one of us you’re possibly alarmed for our sanity …

If you ARE of me, of this world, you’re possibly alarmed for your own sanity also … 🙂

And as I say to my clients, when they ask if they are crazy – I FUCKING HOPE SO.

See here’s the thing, and here is what I know, about us:

We are the sensitive ones.
The empaths, is one way to put it.
The healers.
The MAGIC makers.
The ones who came here to pass on a message and to CREATE A NEW WORLD.

We are NOT DESIGNED TO EXIST IN THE WORLD AS IT HAS CURRENTLY BEEN CREATED.

No, I don’t mean not at all. We can human with the BEST of them. So long as we can stealth exit at will, and FAST.

When we are around people too much
Or industry
Or electromagnetic frequency
Or … STUFF … noise … BUSYness …
Or we’re simply removed in some way from the internal environment we desire and require –

We WILL be told about it in no uncertain terms.

From inside.

It will manifest in the ways I listed above, and many more besides.

And we will, if we don’t REMOVE ourselves, not cope. Plain and simple. And potentially the people around us won’t care to cope with us, either 🙂

Do I think this can be overcome, or it’s a mindset, or a choice?

Of course. Of course I could choose to ‘be able’ to exist in polite society on demand. BY FUCKING NUMBING AND DRUGGING MYSELF LIKE THE VAST MAJORITY OF BORN ARTISTS AND MAGIC WORKERS IN TIME, and especially in NOW.

Or –

You and I, we can choose to not only accept and allow but to EMBRACE who we are.

To realise that we were not born to live purely, or even dominantly, in the physical world.

WE COME FROM OTHER PLACES.
WE ARE OF OTHER WORLDS.
WE COME HERE WHEN WE WANT.
AND WE LEAVE WHEN WE MUST.

If we don’t leave when we know we must, when the bell is tolling, when we’re being called to our TRUE home?

Well.
SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.

Which, over time, are only, of course, oh – !
Your LIFE.

So yeah, I feel rude and annoyed at myself when I find my insides shriveling up like just happened tonight. Or when my mind starts playing crazy tricks on me when I’m out and about, have been out and about, or with people or things, too much. Part of me wishes I didn’t do that. I tell myself to stop it.

AND –

I also honour who I am.

I honour and am SO fucking grateful for the REMINDER, that this this THIS is what I am here to do.

I might have flown around the world – (real human flying not the normal everyday other realm flying, lol)

Spent tens of thousands of dollars total –

Be surrounded by incredible successful people who in theory I could befriend, learn from, etc –

And the ENTIRE FUCKING REASON FOR IT perhaps was to push me to breaking point to where I now sit here on a twin bed at a Disney Resort in Florida and go into my somewhat fugue-flow state and DROWN the world out and create this –

For you
For who it was meant for
For the continued unleashing
Of my art

THIS is my drug
THIS is my growth
THIS is the only thing I want, or at least, I want and need and choose it and THEN I am open to wanting and needing and choosing and also being AVAILABLE, for other things … or people
THIS is all I need in order to know what’s next for me

AND THE WHOLE WORLD CAN FUCK OFF

Until I’m ready to take my presence back to it

The truth is –

I like to learn
I like to make new friends
And I fucking love people
My tribe, my clients, my friends, my online peeps, my family, I ADORE

I love MY people …

I’m also a calm and level-headed person who does sane and rational things and can operate in polite society with the best of them 🙂

For all intents and purposes I APPEAR TO BE FUCKING NORMAL

But, so did any magic worker over time, when they chose to play amongst the normal ones

When they were sent in, a visitor, to observe, to mesh with, and then to create from

And then, there came a time when it WAS time for them to leave

And go back to whence they came

Slip slip
Away away
Back to the REAL world; ours

To create and to dance and to twirl and to be in our OWN space or, of course, with our own PEOPLE

You and me, we are the ones who DO change the world, with art so breathless it would freeze you, in ice, like a statue

But, if we don’t DO that, if we don’t give ourselves FULL permission to go within and do and be ALL of that, REGARDLESS of what we are ‘supposed’ to be doing, then GUESS FUCKING WHAT?

You’re going to find yourself –

HATING people
Wondering why they even are EXISTING near you
And what is that BIZARRE ANNOYING SHIT they keep doing … with their mouths … their legs and arms … and what, God – now they want you to nod and smile and stuff?

It’s all so … HORRIBLE

You’ll become anxious
Irritated
SUPER sensitive
The world around will make no sense
And it will continue, until you get the fuck back to where you’re supposed to be, inside

The thing with being human and all …

Is that the physical world was only ever one part of it

And it was never supposed to be, like what we’ve made it into

Not for us, anyhow

Or, there is this:

Perhaps it was, the whole time, all leading to right here and right now

You and me

This moment

This work

This reminder

To allow us to BREATHE again

Either way …

When you think you have this crazy thing inside of you …

And you worry for your sanity, for real –

And you KNOW that nobody will understand!

Probably –

I will.

And what I will tell you, is this:

You’re simply being called home.

Answer the call.

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