THE WHOLE WORLD CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF
I’m grumpy as FUCK this morning gorgeous.
I want the whole world to fuck right off, and take their noise with them.
And for the love of God don’t TALK to me when I’m writing!
Do you ever notice that just when you’re patting yourself on the back for being SUPREMELY woke and at least SOMEWHAT enlightened, you then rebound back into being unconscious as all get out, and not very subtle about it either?!
Or is that just me?
Mind you, I guess I’ve grown more than I’m perhaps giving myself credit for, because I do always know, FULLY, that when I feel like this, it’s allllllllll me. And it’s also ON me, to tune in to what’s really going on, and what I actually need.
This morning I journaled … for a change … lol … and here is what came out, and also THROUGH:
“Everybody should just fuck off, and leave me alone
the whole world is annoying me
what do I want and need then?
I want to be left alone today. I want to do my own thing. (it’s my 3rd photo shoot day in a row, and I’m entering into petulant foot-stamping about it, even though when I’m IN it I have the best time ever)
ok, what do I really need?
I need to write and release first
and feel I have organised and cleared my mind
i need to write and release something
what is it?
i feel angry and annoyed
i am angry at people not liking me (haha, that sounds silly when I write it)
i want sex, I want to have epic sex and be carried away. haven’t had sex for 100 years
okay, gonna (XXXX no need to share that right now!)
i want full release release release of my writing
the narcissicm book
the orgasm book
energetically clearing shit
i want to write something amazing now
i want a rest / nap time – book massage
i want everybody on Facebook to fuck right off
but they’re annoying me
but it’s clearly NOT about them then, is it?
so, what am I not giving myself
to unleash and create
is there anything else you need to say or know or do?
I think I just need to write. and there the answers will be shown to me.
what am I to write about?
grr. the whole world can fuck right off”
Enter, me starting this blog post.
It’s funny, I had at least 3 killer downloads already this morning of what I wanted to blog about today.
For example, I wanted to write about how I struggle to own my hotness and sexiness, because of what other women might say about me, or, in some cases DO say about me … I get told the things … and the things are hurtful … and it’s really getting to me lately, hence my comment in my journaling above about feeling angry when people don’t like me … I’m nice! I want them to know that!
So yeah. I definitely feel a post coming through on that topic, because I KNOW it’s not just ME surpressing, in some way, my light, for fear of being pulled down or else separated from other women.
That post has been itching it’s way out for a while, and I thought today was the day where I would unleash it with POWER!
Instead, grumpy Kat got out of bed this morning. Who asked HER?! I could barely even move in Bikram class, my energy was blocked … annoyed … stiff … resentful.
Damn straight it showed in the body.
And now here we are.
And once again I find myself having one of ‘those’ days where I don’t QUITE feel able to let something truly KILLER out of me. Where all of the ideas of pieces I know matter DEEPLY are right there in the front of my mind, but I’m conscious that if I were to try and bring them to life when they are not COMING to life, something meant for power and truth would instead fall flat, and die.
There’s a rule I have, around messaging, and showing up –
Show up as who you are.
Share the actual message that’s coming out today.
Be with what IS.
I’ve found that this serves me well. The amount of posts I put out there which to me are pretty ‘meh’ (like this one), would rank in the dozens, maybe the hundreds.
And it’s funny … one of the main things people ask me, is how I create so much content and show up so damn CONSISTENTLY.
“I don’t know what to write or say every day Kat! I don’t have continual ideas like you!”
Ideas flow is a practice. James Altucher taught me, exercise the ideas muscle daily! And, I did it, for years. Still do, by default.
But also –
The only reason I can show up so damn consistently is that I TRULY put my message and my art ahead of my own bullshit.
I let the message be the message.
And I let that fucker OUT, however it comes out!
You’ve seen me do this! I don’t know if you think that what I write each day is me trying to write good content, but it’s not.
I am grateful for the content which feels like flow and super flow.
I LOVE when my work speaks to you.
I am in awe and thankfulness that simply sharing my truth each day like this, no editing, no filter, no ‘thinking’, has allowed me to build a multi-million dollar online empire where every day I get to wake up and JUST BE ME.
But don’t you see?
The only way I can wake up every day and ‘just be me’, and make money and an impact like this, is because I DO IN FACT WAKE UP EACH DAY AND JUST BE ME!
Whoever I am.
However it is.
Whatever is coming through, for that day.
And then I share it to the world, and to you.
MANY times I want to run and hide from my message for the day. I feel self-conscious to say it. Vulnerable. Or just silly!
But, a long time ago I committed to my art.
I made a promise, in 2008, when I launched my first ‘real blog’, 2 years after I started blogging in a more rambly way –
“No matter what, I will NEVER stop and I will be CONSISTENT.”
I can remember saying that to myself like it was yesterday. I don’t know who or what it was inside of me which was conscious enough to understand that if I just made this simple commitment, everything else would flow.
And really –
Just look around –
Everything since then has just FLOWED.
Of course it has flowed with blood and sweat and tears and turmoil, much of the time!!
But such is the path of flow.
That shit ain’t all rainbows and marshmallow-offering unicorns baby!
Flow can be HARD sometimes.
Flow can HURT.
Flow can be MESSY.
It can toss you ALL over the place.
Just like the ocean, at times, wants to cradle you, in ITS flow.
And at other times wages war on you like it wants to SHRED you to pieces and then TOSS you into the highest heavens.
Either way –
That’s the flow of the water for that day.
When it comes to your message, your truth, your calling, and what it is you are to share with the world, as a leader, an artist, a healer, YOU –
The same principle applies.
The flow of the day and of you, will be whatever it is.
Either way –
That’s the flow for that day.
Are you going to run, hide, wait, hold back, press pause, when it doesn’t feel light and happy and free?
Where would you actually BE in your life, had you not experienced the ebbs and flows which have brought you to THIS place?!
It’s litererally not possible –
To experience spiritual growth –
Without pain –
Without struggle –
Without REBIRTH –
Without failure –
Without periods of STUCKNESS, and frustration.
Why run from the things which are GIFTED to you to teach you, or to serve you, or to direct you?
This morning in yoga, I thought about this one girl, who says mean things about me behind the scenes.
I felt annoyed that she keeps coming in to my mind each day; I can’t seem to let it go!
I felt sad.
And frustrated that I keep holding on to it.
I may still reach out to her, and speak to her about it.
But what I realised, and if I do that it will be because I tune in to it and find it’s the aligned higher purpose action to TAKE; what I realised, is this –
If I’m thinking about it so much, it’s for my benefit.
It’s for my growth.
Where am I saying things behind the scenes, or where have I? That’s something to ask!
Or even, where am I thinking them?
There have definitely been times when I’ve bitched behind the scenes about people, of course!
So now, I get to be confronted with the reality that we ALL have all sides within us.
Thank you …
I also thought about this, and realised that this might be the GREATEST gift relevant to this particular worry –
I realised that worrying about people FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH ME and then not liking me continues to restrict, on an energetic and unconscious level, how I show up.
There is a part of me which feels hopelessness, like … what’s the point, if in the end people will leave and even speak AGAINST me, when I show up so powerfully?!
And then I thought of the women I know, and speak with, often, who have followed me for years.
Who were there when I did things I later regretted, and apologised for.
Who have seen me fall.
Seen me act from anger.
Seen me through at least 15 hair changes, and a few name changes too!
And WHO ARE STILL HERE.
Because what they have seen MOST of all, is my value and my truth, and with it, they’ve seen what’s in them.
And I realised –
The right ones will always stay. Always see you. And grow WITH you.
What a powerful realisation! What gratitude to then be had, from this ‘annoying’ situation where I have been continually fucking thinking about this one chick who bitches about me!
So interesting …
How EVERYTHING serves us.
So. I thought I was going to write about that, but instead it turned out I had to write about being a grumpy little narky so and so this morning, and let THAT out.
But then again –
In the end –
As it ALWAYS does – !
Whatever had to come out, came out.
Which brings me to you.
And there are many things I desire to say to you, always. So many things!
But right now, I’m actually going to say nothing at all.
And instead leave you with this –
“If you can hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint’, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced”
– Vincent van Gogh
Okay, well I’m gonna add one lil thing to what old VInce had to say:
I’m going to insert it right into the middle:
If you can hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint’, then by all means paint, TODAY AND EVERY DAY, no matter what and JUST with what comes out of you, and that voice will be silenced.
Share your thoughts in the comments.
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