“YOU ARE SO FAKE AND FORCED KAT, AND I CAN’T SIT QUIET ANYMORE”

March 4, 2020

Grateful. Grateful. Grateful.

A man I went on a couple of dates with last year, and had a great intellectual connection with (although not soul, so lol … wake up Kat), sent me this:

“I’m coming from a place of truth and am willing to sacrifice our misaligned thing in order of speaking my mind as I don’t operate any other way.

I find your work super conflicting on so many levels and it simply vibes me the wrong way.

Your whole spiritual alignment / higher self empowerment trip is to me so fake and forced that I couldn’t sit there quiet anymore. The whole vibe screams Gold Coast/ plastic fantastic / fake / tacky / cheap etc which in turn is directly contrarian to what I see when I think of women highly in tune with their high-frequency, high-vibrational selves. Which in turn illustrates a vision of the wholesome, grounded, harmonious, feminine to which it is truly contiguous.

Regardless I wish you all the best with your kids and work and life. I’m sure we won’t be hanging out anytime soon haha. You seem royally pissed.”

Royally pissed: last week he messaged me a few disrespectful thoughts about my clients and my work, and I responded last night saying this is not aligned for me. That a minimum standard in any connection or conversation for me is soul resonance, and ‘getting’ me and my work. The above is what I got in return.

Here are my thoughts, framing, awareness. Reminders to self:

– Wow, thank you for showing me who you are.

– You’re assessing a surface part of the show. And choosing not to see me. I feel as though you did ‘see’ the real me when we spent time together. And now you’re lashing out … so be it. I don’t know if I’ve triggered your insecurities in some way, or if this is really what you think of me. I don’t think it is though. I think you know that who I am at my core is a very soft and receptive person who wants to feel deeply connected to someone, and open to be all of her. Who is actually pretty much the exact opposite of fake … everything I actually stand for, value, and give my energy and time to is about soul soul soul. Living from truth, living from alignment. Living from being who I am meant to be in the world, and I couldn’t give a fuck about the money, glam, any of it if I had to choose. Indeed I’ve walked away from that stuff many times before.

– But sure, I choose money, glam, and to have fun playing and being silly with the high vibery of it all, because it’s a fun ‘cherry on top’ of a soul led life.

– I think you’ll find that true feminine expresses herself as whoever she desires to. Someone wanting to play, be silly, vibe it up, choose money or hotness or whatever does not make them not feminine. Femininity comes from the core, not from conformity 🙂

^^ ps – THIS!!! ^^

– the pattern of cutting out / down at someone is typically one people engage in when they have low vibe feelings about themselves, and self love shit going on. Being unable to see someone for who they really are, and being ruled by triggers; these things usually go hand in hand. Kamal Ravikant’s book on Loving Yourself Like Your Life Depends Upon It is a great one for this, it helped me a lot back when I struggled to love myself.

Further thoughts, what I’m feeling, processing this, right now as I type (this just happened):

Wow. I am a little shaky. Okay. That’s okay.

But am I upset?

No.

I’m curious about what part of me chose to call this in. What lesson there is here for me? (I already know the answer – be ruthlessly true to your boundaries no matter what, do not make exceptions or ignore red flags )

But I am also SO deeply grateful.

Grateful I managed to side-step going deeper into this connection, or having any physical connection with this person? Sure. Yes. Of course.

But mostly?

Grateful to me. Here we go with the Snoop Dogg quotes again. I would like to thank me for doing the motherfucking work.

For becoming unshakeable in who I am.

For knowing with soul certainty that I am being who I am meant to be in this world, and I will not be swayed. For backing ME. For practicing the art of being unapologetically me for so long now, so long that it just IS.

Such that when I receive something like this … which is so out of left field (but then again, maybe not?!) … which is truly abnormal, gosh, I don’t even remember the last time I had a business or personal connection that was not fuck yes aligned and soul flow, let alone THIS sort of vitriolic verbiage … that, well, it doesn’t shake me.

Sure, I felt SHOOK. Still a little. But shake me at my core? Cause me to question myself? Wonder AM I fake, AM I too much, AM I not embodying femininity, AM I (lolol) ‘not wholesome’?

No baby, no.

You can’t get CORE shaken at someone calling you names, etc, when you are soul certain of who you are.

Femininity.
Soul.
Authenticity.
Alignment.
And so on.

These things come from the core. How they are EMBODIED is through energy, not what kind of photos you put on Instagram or whether you dance and play and be silly and ridiculous on your live videos.

I mean –

I already did the whole question who I am thang for years. I opted out of that shit long ago, and truly locked in love of my self, my being, my soul. So thank you,

but no thank you,

Imma gonna need to remind you I unsubscribed from the whole ‘maybe me being all of me is not okay’ shiz niz already. Don’t get all markety on my ass and keep on emailing me when I left your list!

But sure –

thank you for the lesson, and the reminder, to once again go EVEN deeper into self.

So yes.

Grateful.
Grateful.
Grateful.

THANK you for showing me who you are.

Thank you for reminding me who I am. It’s always a good fucking day when you remember that you fucking love YOU!

And to you, reading –

Know who you fucking are.

Be it without apology.

Trust that going all in on you can ONLY result in GREAT things, and your soul peeps showing up for you from all over.

And when someone somehow ninjas their way in under the radar who is NOT YOUR PEEP?

It means nothing about anything, usually.